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We just decided to postpone our wedding and then was offered the cost??

A friend of my OH, lets just say has a lot of disposable income. They're friends a long while and are in a band together. Myself and my fiancé were due to marry in a few months but for financial reasons we came to the conclusion that we have no other choice but to postpone until we do have enough money saved. My fiancé's friend has now offered to give us the money we are short for the wedding, not as a loan but as a gift! How amazingly generous and of course I'm still a taken back by his generous offer.


We said we would think about it and I told my OH that we could somehow say our thank you by repaying him in the future even though he doesn't claim to want this back. My fiancé however is undecided and wants more time to think about it. Am I very selfish or paranoid, in wondering why my fiancé is taking so long to think about this. I'm feeling like maybe he wants the wedding postponed for more reasons than finance.



  • What an amazing friend! Very lovely offer! In regards to your fiancè I think it depends on the type of person your fiancè is. I know mine would feel very uncomfortable with another man, a friend, paying for our wedding. He is quite proud and feels that is something he should be able to do for us or provide for us. He would rather postpone the wedding until he could financially contribute and have the wedding we wanted. He could also be concerned that the money would change there friendship and affect the band 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    I imagine your fiance is thinking hard because while his friend is being kind, the gift could affect the friendship - make it awkward, make your fiance feel beholden to him, make your fiance feel he has to agree with things in the band that he wouldn't otherwise. I would take it from family but not from a friend.

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    Wow, what an amazing offer! I can understand why your fiance feels a little hesitant though. Money between friends can be an awkward thing, and you wouldn‘t want it to come back to bite you, say if you fell out with these friends one day, or to be a cause of any resentment. All being well hopefully that will never happen to you, but you do hear of stories of friends gifting or lending money to each other and it turns out to be a bone of contention between them. Having said that, if they won’t miss the money it might be a drop in the ocean to them - like it would be for you (or me!) gifting £50 at a wedding. Is there a way you can discuss the items needing paying off and pin them down to an item or two? That way it may feel more like a gift rather than a lump sum? 

  • My suggestion is that your fiance is thinking that How you will repay them?  I think he is right at his point and you also. So let him decide.

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