Advice for the Newly Engaged?

So I am due to be writing a blog post (and probably a few with updates) on being newly (ish) engaged for other newly engaged couples out there.

I want it to be as helpful as possible, so thought id ask you all for some input!

What advice or information do you wish you had known when you first got engaged, and whats the one thing you would say to someone who was newly engaged? 

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,086 New bride
    Keep your plans to yourself. Oversharing invites unwanted opinions, and some people can be very forceful with them. Information diet is the way forward.
  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 703 New bride
    Enjoy it!! Don't rush you have as much time as you want/need. 
    Try and ignore everyone's opinion on how you should do it. Do it your way it's your day ❤
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 374 New bride
    Remember it's about the marriage, not just the wedding! Make sure you've discussed what you both want not just on your wedding day and immediately after, but 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Remind yourself of this whenever the wedding organisation stress hits. The wedding is just the beginning.
  • Just enjoy being engaged.  Being engaged doesn't automatically mean planning a wedding.  You can and should just enjoy the engagement period.  Once you deem the "engagement only period" is over as a couple and you want to move on to actually planning a wedding, the stress begins - so I think it's really important not to rush from the proposal to the planning.
    For nosey people asking wedding questions, there's always the "We're just enjoying being engaged right now" reply.
  • cs2thecoxcs2thecox Posts: 252 New bride
    Once you get to the planning, take some time to look back at weddings you've been to. What did you like, what wasn't so great? Which days flowed really well, and which ones had weird gaps in them?
    It can really help to frame which aspects of the day are important to you as a couple, and which things guests rarely notice or remember.
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,078 New bride
    Learn to say no, that doesn't work for us! 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.

    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • These are all so amazing thank you!!
  • ArriettyArrietty Posts: 21 New bride
    I like all of these ideas, thanks everyone for sharing. 
  • If your planning a long engagement don't choose your bridal party too early - things can change a lot in a year or two and even in months it may save you some heartache and worries - I know it would have done me! 

    Also, don't over look at suppliers! We ended up looking at 60+ photographers which was just too much and ended up really confused. Get 4/5 quotes at the max for things and go for one. You've shortlisted/ picked them for a reason :) 
  • As someone who's been engaged for nearly 3 years (and finally getting married this year!), I have loads of advice, some of which I'm sure will have already been said but it bears repeating:

    • Don't feel the need to rush into planning the second you get engaged. As exciting as it can be, it can also be stressful too so just enjoy the post-engagement bliss as long as you can. 
    • Don't feel bad if you can't afford to get married within a certain timeframe. It's better to have a longer engagement and a wedding you love than a quick turnaround and a bunch of regrets (which is why we've been engaged so long). 
    • When you do start planning, don't feel the need to compromise what you and your fiancé(e) want to make others happy - it is your day!
    • Don't rush into choosing your bridal/groom party - a lot can happen, even in a short space of time, and unfortunately weddings can bring out the worst in some people. 
    • If you're excited about planning but can't afford to straight away or don't know what you want, Pinterest is a good place to start. Proceed with caution though because it can be pretty overwhelming.
    • Don't give away too many ideas or information in the early stages and when you do, be careful about what you tell and to whom. Our wedding plans changed and evolved a few times and I ended up a little red-faced when I'd told people one plan and it ended up being completely different.
    • People will have opinions about your wedding (many of which you won't agree with), simply say "thanks, I'll keep that in mind" and then proceed to do what you want.
    • Don't take financial contributions if you think there'll be strings attached. It's better to pay for the wedding yourself and have it the way you both want than feeling pressured to invite FMIL's entire extended family because they're making a contribution (or some other ridiculous demand).
    I'm sure there's more but that's all I've got for now... *phew*


  • @MrsRendall2B ; Thats fantastic advice thank you!!
  • Now Mrs PNow Mrs P Posts: 25 New bride
    Remember there is no right or wrong anything. We got married exactly a year to the day of getting engaged (and we got engaged after just a few months of being together). Best thing? I proposed to him, which was always fun when people asked 'so how did he pop the question'? 

    Be prepared for the questions "when's the big day then?" (We weren't telling anyone, other than our 8 guests).
    "who's going to be the bridesmaids/best man?" (No-one, we aren't having them) .
    "When's the stag/hen do?" (Never, we aren't having them!)
    "How much is that lot going to cost you then?!" (None of your damn business)
    "Hope your dad has been saving!" (I doubt it, my dad won't be paying, nor would I expect him to)
  • Shoes GaloreShoes Galore Posts: 21 New bride
    edited 30 January
    These are great! 

    My top tips are: 
    1) Enjoy being engaged and take your time, there is no rush to have something booked. - The minute we told people we were engaged everyone started to ask when the wedding would be before we had even had chance to look at any venues! There really is no rush.

    2) Keep as much as possible to yourself. - Everyone will have an opinion and feel they should voice it and that they should be listened to. Even when you have made a decision about something, it doesn't mean you have to tell everyone. You may change your mind or want guests to not know the details until the day so they have a surprise. Obviously there will be some things that you wish to seek opinions on but be prepared for a response that you may not like. 

    3) Learn to have a thick skin and try not to doubt yourself once you have made a decision - this is in connection to the above. Some people can be quite flippant with their comments and views and it is very difficult, upsetting and disheartening to hear people rubbishing your ideas and suggesting you should try something else. 

    4) Try to think individually - This is in connection to Venues. You are constantly told its your special day as a unique couple but then told you have to use a certain caterer, venue dressing from certain people, a certain dj off their approved list etc. We are all different in everyday life, so why on our wedding day would we want everything to be the same as everyone else's wedding because of the restrictions put in place in the small print?  (when I say approved supplier list I mean a must use list not preferred but optional list).

    Sometimes these lists can be helpful as a place to start your searches but if you are not able to look outside of that list you might end up with not getting what you want and only finding that out later down the line once a venue has already been booked and deposit paid.  Therefore if you want something that is a little more unusual or different then you might have to think 'outside the box' to find what you want. 

    5) Triple check all the small print, query anything you are unsure about and get everything in writing - sometimes things can be said to you to make you happy at the time or for you to agree to something and unless you have it in writing it is easy for people to go back on their word. 

    6) Be mindful of your budget - it is easy to get carried away and think you want and need everything but for most people that is not feasible. A lot of money is being spent regardless of your budget so be careful and sensible what you choose to spend it on. 

    7) The wedding is the start of the marriage, not the marriage itself , always remember that when all the planning might be getting a bit much. Remember why you are doing it and what's important to you both as a couple.  
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 374 New bride
    Speaking as a newlywed, another piece of advice I would give is that all the stuff you stress about during planning won't matter on the day. You'll just be too happy to care.
  • WirfleWirfle Posts: 23 New bride
    Love all these responses. They're great. 
  • Definitely take your time with choosing your bridal party.  As it’s been said above, weddings can bring out the worst in some people and it may not be the ones you expect who will be there for you! Let it all marinate! 

    Also, put your foot down about guests you don’t want there (that maybe your parents/in laws do).  It’s your day and it’s your guest list! 
Sign In or Register to comment.