Feeling Overwhelmed by weddings

Hi guys,

 I don’t really know where to start with all this! Which kind of mirrors how I feel about wedding planning too!

We haven’t even started properly planning and I’m already stressing about everything! Mainly the expectations and disappointing everyone! If anyone asks “how’s the planning going” or “what’s your theme” or any of the normal things people ask brides to be.. I actually feel myself withdraw into myself and freeze!

 My MIL to be went to a family wedding this weekend, so naturally called me to tell me all about the dress, the bridesmaids, the flowers and the venue, as I listened (not really listening as quite frankly I couldn’t care less) I felt as if I could scream and actually came out in an rash!

 I just don’t get excited by all the wedding stuff, I’m not interested by it, the only thing I’ve actually done is brought shoes, but that’s because I’m a girl that loves shoes (and they were in the sale!)

I would say I’m not your typical bride at all! I’ve never really thought about what my “dream wedding” would be, all I know is that I love my OH and can it wait to share the rest of our lives together.

 My OH is an only child so his wedding day means so much to his mum, and a lot of his extended family, but her family is huge and I’ve not even met most of them (we’ve been together 8years, 10 by the time we get married). His dads family is equally huge but I cannot imagine the day without them (they just make every family event fun). I have a strange relationship with my family - it would take a while other thread to try and explain.

 It already feels like the wedding is nothing to do with us and more about everyone else, and we’ve not even begun. Honestly feel like just running away just us two, but I know that will break his mums heart.

 As well as this his best friend also gets married the same year and know they would not be able to afford to come to a wedding abroad within months of their wedding.

 There’s just so much to consider and I feel like I’m going insane! And as more relatives or friends get married or engaged, the pressure just gets worse!

 Do any of you have any advice on how to manage the expectations of family and friends? And is what I’m feeling normal?

 Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, I really appreciate it! I need all the help I can get!

Posts

  • I feel like i'm going to need to come back later to actually be able to give some advice (if i can think of any) as im at work right now and my brain is a bit fried, but i didn't want to leave without saying i completely understand, and have felt very much the same throughout the whole process.  I go through phases where it feels great, and then where i'm crying because i just wish we had eloped like i had always wanted. 

    You're really not alone. Sending you lots of positive vibes! Feel free to drop me a message if you ever want a chat or rant! Its goof for the soul haha. 
  • Hi Lovely, I got married last year and am just jumping over from the TTC threads to say that I can COMPLETELY relate to what you are saying. I was so excited about marrying my DH, but very much not excited about the process of planning a wedding - like you, I was never someone who had a vision of my 'dream wedding' and was SO tempted to just elope as the whole thing just stressed me out. BUT, we planned it and we did it and I can honestly say I loved it and am so glad we did. We ended up just going with a hotel package that included a wedding coordinator and let them do a lot of the planning, I would def recommend this as the most stress free route. We ended up just doing a lot to keep family happy (DH's family, I don't have much family) but that made me happy knowing everyone else was happy and I didn't want any arguments. I just wanted to reassure you that it IS normally (or certainly, there are other people who feel the same as you) and that i am sure you will end up enjoying your day even if you can't see that right now. XX
  • Hi 
    Have you thought about looking at venues with limited numbers for the ceremony and meal,  and then evening guests that way you have a reason to only invite close family and friends during day but can include extended family at night,  don't know if that's possible for you but it's an idea,  
    That's what my plan is,  limit numbers during day as I know there will be a lot of people expecting to be invited and I hardly see or don't even know them.  

    I can understand how you feel I'm not normally someone who bothers if my plans upset other people but when it comes to a wedding its such a big thing and you want everyone to be happy and enjoy the day, but I think no matter what you do there will always be someone slightly unhappy so my advice is be honest and explain that you love each other very much and just want to get married with as little fuss as possible.  

    Sorry I'm not great at giving advice hope it helps even a little 
    X
  • Hi Lovely, I got married last year and am just jumping over from the TTC threads to say that I can COMPLETELY relate to what you are saying. I was so excited about marrying my DH, but very much not excited about the process of planning a wedding - like you, I was never someone who had a vision of my 'dream wedding' and was SO tempted to just elope as the whole thing just stressed me out. BUT, we planned it and we did it and I can honestly say I loved it and am so glad we did. We ended up just going with a hotel package that included a wedding coordinator and let them do a lot of the planning, I would def recommend this as the most stress free route. We ended up just doing a lot to keep family happy (DH's family, I don't have much family) but that made me happy knowing everyone else was happy and I didn't want any arguments. I just wanted to reassure you that it IS normally (or certainly, there are other people who feel the same as you) and that i am sure you will end up enjoying your day even if you can't see that right now. XX
    I’m so glad you enjoyed the planning process in the end! A wedding coordinator sounds like a brilliant idea, we will definitely have to look at this! 

    Yes, I’m very much a people pleaser, so the thought of arguments and disagreements, really taints the whole wedding experience for me!   

    Thank you! X
  • Hi 
    Have you thought about looking at venues with limited numbers for the ceremony and meal,  and then evening guests that way you have a reason to only invite close family and friends during day but can include extended family at night,  don't know if that's possible for you but it's an idea,  
    That's what my plan is,  limit numbers during day as I know there will be a lot of people expecting to be invited and I hardly see or don't even know them.  

    I can understand how you feel I'm not normally someone who bothers if my plans upset other people but when it comes to a wedding its such a big thing and you want everyone to be happy and enjoy the day, but I think no matter what you do there will always be someone slightly unhappy so my advice is be honest and explain that you love each other very much and just want to get married with as little fuss as possible.  

    Sorry I'm not great at giving advice hope it helps even a little 
    X
    Your advise is great! 

    I think it’s a good idea too look at smaller venues for the daytime, yeah I want everyone to have a lovely time, but don’t want the day to be about everyone else when we should be celebrating our love! 

    Thank you 
    x
  • I feel like i'm going to need to come back later to actually be able to give some advice (if i can think of any) as im at work right now and my brain is a bit fried, but i didn't want to leave without saying i completely understand, and have felt very much the same throughout the whole process.  I go through phases where it feels great, and then where i'm crying because i just wish we had eloped like i had always wanted. 

    You're really not alone. Sending you lots of positive vibes! Feel free to drop me a message if you ever want a chat or rant! Its goof for the soul haha. 
    Thank you! I really appreciate it! 

    Yesterday was was a crying day for me, which lead me to reach out! So glad I did this community is great and I now know I’m not alone in all this! 

    X
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