step children problems

Hi, does anyone out there have problems with future step-kids. H2B has 8 yr old son, and am stressing as we dont seem to have connected at all. At moment he is refusing to wear a suit (although not getting married till nov next yr so have time to change mind), and I feel am letting H2B down somehow. Any tips?? x:\?


  • Dont worry i will be a step mum to 4, 3 of them boys and at that age they change their minds all the time and can be really fickle. h2b youngest is 9 and we get on really well and even he said a while back that hes not even coming to the wedding! not in tanrum just really calmly and now hes always nagging us to get married! dont push him just ignore the suit thing and im sure he'll come round xxxx dont stress though it is hard xxx ps how long have you been in his life?
  • About a year now, and has been staying over at ours every other weekend since april, and I just cant seem to get through to him, sort of get treated with casual indifference which hurts my feelings. he is quite introverted but emotional at the same time and am at a loss. Almost getting to point where I have nothing left to try to win him round, so i dont bother. H2B says am doing well, but its driving me mad, want to bugger off when he round so not to stress anyone! xx Step mum to 4? Am impressed. Went out with guy with 3 kids and that was interesting. almost easier as they play amonght themselves, and we have to amuse little boy ourselves.

    Did you find it hard? XX
  • Hi,

    Im a stepmum to 3 as well as being pregnant with my 7th (10th altogether!!) Ive been in their lives for 9 years now. At first we had lots of teething problems similar to what you are saying but just keep at it. Im sure things will go ok. x
  • Hi,

    I've been a step mum to h2b's 11 year old boy for just over 7 years now. I won't pretend it's been easy but at time's it's so worth it! Maybe find something you both enjoy that you do together without h2b. I take him swimming by myself, also we have a favourite ps2 game we play together.

    Just try to find something special to share with him.

    Hope that helps x
  • yeh i do find it hard and we have lovely children! but its still hard your not alone. but certainly at his age and it hasnt been that long that youve known each other it will get better. esp if he's just indifferent he might be a little scared of getting too close to someone. also with our little one he does get encouraged by the older ones to get on with me so that makes it easier. and its true one is always harder! because all the attention is on them and you. as susiesue said get something that you can do together dont worry if he doesnt respond quickly he will in time. but dont think 'oh i might as well just go out when hes round' coz it will get better and if you distance yourself things will get worse as he gets older. my h2b was with someone before me (the mother of the youngest)that went to stay at her mums everytime the older children came round and it ruined their relationship the older children still talk of how much they dislike her now! and it was 8 years ago. sorry if it rambled on but hopefully you can feel more positive and stick at it. xxxxx
  • Hi, I'm also going to become a stepmum (in 50 days time, argghh) to 1 boy aged 9.

    Sounds like a similar situation to you, we asked him to wear a kilt (tell your future stepson he's getting off lightly with a suit!!) and he refused for ages. We think his mum played a part in that, until one day he thought it was a good idea and we raced him off to the shop to get measured.

    I've also found it difficult to connect with my stepson to be, but I've found the best thing to do is leave him with an idea and he will eventually come around in his own time. He is understandibly very defensive of any change in a situation, but the worst thing I could ever do is push him to do something or he will simply dig his heels in.

    I know it's easier said than done, but believe me, give him time. When he sees you and h2b planning and chatting about your plans, he will want to become involved.
  • Thanks for your replies ladies! am really pleased that you guys understand, I tried to talk to my mum but she doesnt understand, is hard to explain. Was beginning to feel a bit of a failure, but feeling a bit better now.

    djkez, will take to comment about dissapearing on board, dont want to upset him any more!

    Will keep you updtated of situation.


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