virgin bride?!

Any other brides waiting for your wedding night? I'm a Christian and so my fiance and I don't live together (or sleep together!) This makes the whole thing so much more special for me, as I have a million things to be excited about - not just one big day! Anybody else know the feeling? ...



Emma
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Posts

  • Absolutely. I can't wait. I'm catholic, my partner isn't but he's waiting for me. I can't wait and the anticipation is great.
  • ooh that's so exciting! I'm not in your situation but I can see how it would make the relationship so special. Have fun girls and enjoy yourselves! and good on you for waiting!
  • nicandleenicandlee Posts: 1,743
    I didn't think that still happens, how nice for you both, we'll proberly be the other way as we'll be so tired.lol
  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    I might abstain for the month before. This is the closest i can get to making my wedding night as special as yours will be. I think it is wonderful that you have waited.
  • I have so mush respect for you both! I hope you both really enjoy yourself.....make sure you don't drink to much champers!!!!!



  • Wow!! image I could not do that, would kill me even for the month before.



    Good for you. Can kind of see how it would make it special, I think. Though have you seen your partners bits so not to have any shocking surprises!!! ;\)
  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    If truth be told i am not sure i would either - i will see his torso and that will be it. I admire anyone who has waited. I was just too greedy (lol sorry )
  • emmabuk1emmabuk1 Posts: 127
    haha morledge!! but if there's nothing to compare it to - then it will always be great won't it?!!



    it does take soooo much discipline - it's not easy, but i'm sure it'll be absolutely worth it!!
  • We're both pratising catholics and living together. We got engaged lasy Easter (18 months ago!!) and had a small family service with a kind of "mini marriage" in July last year. That satisfied our priests concertns that we would be living together in sin before our big expensive white wedding - which is in 3 days time!!



  • craftycharlicraftycharli Posts: 3,175
    I am a little torn by this thread. No I was not a virgin bride but yes my husband is the only person I have made love to. I really feel that love making is a MASSIVELY important part of a realtionship and I just don't see how you or anyone could be certain that you will be compatible and that this vital part of your relationbship will work adn be satisfying.



    And NO EMMA B just cos there is nothing to compare it to does not mean that it will always be great SERIOUSLY it takes work and creativity and inspiration and PLEASE don't expect the first time to be some mind blowing experience cos you just CANNOT be guaranteed that this is the case!



    I am totally atheist (there is no god or any form of anything after this life expect being eaten by worms) for a whole host of reasons (which I will happily go into if we want a belief debate) but this is irrelvant to me in this case as I strongly believe in the love and strength of the realationship between me and my husband but making love is a vital part of a loving relationshipa nd I think entering a marriage blind to this area can be difficult but GOOD LUCK to those of you doing it!!!!!
  • I have to say i'm with Craftycharli on this one. My h2b is not the first person i've slept with and though our sex life has only got stronger and more special and made our relationship stronger and made me respect him and what we ave more and more, i have doubts as to whether i'd have taken the risk if you like, that we would be compatible in the bedroom and not slept with him before hand. I admire anyone who can do this and totally accept that it's freedom of choice and before this all gets too serious a little bit of humour for you- just remember what Samantha said to Charlotte in SATC before Charlotte's wedding- 'honey before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive'!!!!
  • MoominmummyMoominmummy Posts: 1,621
    Despite the fact that I am not a virgin bride, and my H2B is not the only man I've been with, I feel i should stick up for the virgin brides!



    Do you think that if your sex life was not great you would marry your h2b anyway? I know i would. Sex is certainly a very important part of a relationship, but it's not the reason you get married. I think like you say it is something that doesn't always go off with a bang so to speak and is something that sometimes has to be worked at before you get to a point where you are both having truly satisfying sex. If you already have a strong relationship, you will have a good start in your sex life as you will be able to be open and honset with each other which is the main thing.



    I think it's also worth pointing out that the vast majority of marriages will have their ups and downs in this department over the years, and just because you may have a great sex life now, doesn't mean you always will. It also works the other way, just because you've never had sex before and the first time may not be the greatest, it doesn't mean that you will never have good sex as a couple.



    Anyway, good luck everyone, I hope that first time is everything you hope for.



    xx
  • Katie88ukKatie88uk Posts: 535
    i just want to say congrat's on waiting, my h2b is the only person iv ever made love too and im happy with that.



    but im with craftycharli, im a atheist, so for me there was never anything stopping me sleeping with anyone in the godly departement, but i waited till i found someone i loved and i knew loved me, so in a way i still waited, but just for the right person, not a marriage. also i believe that making love is a vital part of a relationship, me and h2b have only ever slept with each other as we waited to find someone we loved and i admit it takes work, so on ur wedding night please dont be to disapointed if it isnt what you expect, its takes practice, but as shoegal said, just because u havent made love before it doesnt mean that you will never have good loving making as a couple.



    katie x
  • EllyukEllyuk Posts: 293
    Hi, I've not ???????saved myself??????? either for my wedding or my h2b so I'm intruding on the thread a little bit, hope you don't mind.....



    I'm really not convinced about the ???????sexual compatibility??????? argument to be honest. I think that if you love someone enough to marry them then you love each other enough to work on the sex side of things, listen to what each other wants and develop a good and compatible sex life together. I don't understand how people could be sexually incompatible really. No one has fabulous sex immediately they get together (if they say they do I'm not really convinced!). It takes time to get to that place. You learn to be sexually compatible together as a couple.



    I think that if you want to wait until after you're married for whatever reason that's great and all the best to you.

  • EllyukEllyuk Posts: 293
    Hi, I've not ???????saved myself??????? either for my wedding or my h2b so I'm intruding on the thread a little bit, hope you don't mind.....



    I'm really not convinced about the ???????sexual compatibility??????? argument to be honest. I think that if you love someone enough to marry them then you love each other enough to work on the sex side of things, listen to what each other wants and develop a good and compatible sex life together. I don't understand how people could be sexually incompatible really. No one has fabulous sex immediately they get together (if they say they do I'm not really convinced!). It takes time to get to that place. You learn to be sexually compatible together as a couple.



    I think that if you want to wait until after you're married for whatever reason that's great and all the best to you.

  • MoominmummyMoominmummy Posts: 1,621
    That's the point i was trying to make. I don't articulate myself very well image
  • Joey0810Joey0810 Posts: 537
    Quoted:
    I really feel that love making is a MASSIVELY important part of a realtionship and I just don't see how you or anyone could be certain that you will be compatible and that this vital part of your relationbship will work adn be satisfying.


    I was going to reply to the posts but found shoegal has beaten me to it! I agree with everything shoegal has said.



    Although love making is an important part of a relationship one I hope is going into marriage being in love with their other half for who they are. As when people get old their figure and looks change and love making can go dry but their personality will always be there. Don't want to start a big disscusion here as we all hold our own opinion which I have no problem. I just felt I should stik up for the few virgins brides on here.

    If both of you are virgins then you are both in the same boat and will know that neither of you will be comparing intercourse with anything as you will both be novices. In regard to how good it will be think of it as the same as the first time you snogged somebody. It may not have been the best of experiences but you can both work on it to get perfection!!!



    It will be a very special day for you both no doubt. I wish you all the best in the planning and the fun in the build up to your day. :\) x
  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    A part if me is really jealous of those brides to be who have waited. I was too quick to want to experience this like so many other people.
  • WombatukWombatuk Posts: 124
    Quoted:
    Do you think that if your sex life was not great you would marry your h2b anyway? I know i would.


    I think that's a really interesting question.



    Unlike Emma - I am not a virgin bride, I am coming up to 31, and have had a few boyfriends I have slept with over the past 12 years. Some were silly mistakes, some were in a loving relationships. I slept with my H2B before we got engaged. If we weren't compatible in bed would I have fallen truly and deeply in love with him? I really don't know. I would like to say Yes! but maybe an incompatibility may have tainted the relationship in the earlier days. What I do know is that if we were unable to have a sexlife now - would I still marry him? Yes. Although there is no doubt I would miss that element of our lives.



    Anyway - best of luck for your wedding night Emma! I hope you enjoy your first night as husband and wife.



  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    I'm not convinced by the sexual compatibility thing either, but that's just my point of view. I do feel that not living with someone before you marry them may be potentially risky (if they're going to be really, really annoying to live with, like I am, I think you'd at least want to know in advance!), but I don't feel that not sleeping together before marriage is risky at all: whatever the problem, I'm sure you could get past it.



    However, I do feel that one potential problem may arise from waiting till the wedding night: after waiting so long and, crucially, expecting so much, how can it be anything other than a disappointment? Especially since neither of you is going to be at your best after something as physically and emotionally exhausting as a wedding, and as Elly points out, you can't expect it to be brilliant straight away anyway. It's a bit like my friend at school who waited years and years to see Boyzone, then when she finally did said it was actually a bit of a let-down, and we were like, what did you expect after all that build-up?



    Good for you if you waited and good for you if you didn't. I used to be terribly moralistic about this sort of thing, but have mellowed considerably with age. image
  • MoominmummyMoominmummy Posts: 1,621
    LOL I like your Boyzone comparison!!! image
  • stkezstkez Posts: 2,247
    I know I would still be compatible with my h2b even if we hadnt had a sexual relationship to start with. Sex is important in a relationship but its not the be all and end all about it.



    Good for you who waited. I wish I had but after 2 children i think im a goner.





  • What a debate. Thank you for the views. I have to say that it's not just being catholic that made my decision, that's just what started it. My parents were both virgins and they have been faithful and still married happily and I thought I'd try it out as it worked for them. Initially it was quite hard but now we have been together for 7 years it is fine and we are both very excited. We probably shouldn't have waited 7 years to get married but time has just flown by. I love my fiance with all my heart and I know he loves me. We have a strong sexual attraction but we are also best friends. I know people say don't expect it to be great but I know it will be whatever happens. I'm not stressed or anxious about it and neither is he. I know that in good times and in bad whatever happens sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship but we are both looking forward to it and I think sometimes you just know you are compatible. Maybe I'm wrong but I'll let you know next year.
  • craftycharlicraftycharli Posts: 3,175
    I totally agree with everyone that sex isn't the MOST important thing in a relationship but it is an important part. Like I said my hubbie was my first and only sexual partner but well before we were married and it was for the same reason as Katie 06 said becuase I wanted it to be with someone I knew I loved and who loved me!!!!



    I think the point I was trying to make was that I do believe there is somehting about sexual compatability between 2 people but MORE important than that is that a good sexual partnership is EXACTLY the same as any partnership and takes work, listening, talking and honesty etcetc.



    ANyway lecture over I was just interested in the topic and whichever way you have approached marriage - massive luck to you!



    Remember 'Those who play together, stay together!!!!!' *wink wink*
  • These days, I think this is a deeply personal choice, so I will say, good for you for doing what feels right. For myself, I have to say that I am quite glad that I am not a virgin bride. I have made some mistakes in my time but all the men I have slept with (and, no, there haven't been that many) have taught me something about myself and how to relate to others. Not all the lessons were comfortable, but they have made me, in part, who I am today, the woman my fianc???? loves, and have given me the self-knowledge to know very clearly that I am making the right choice for the rest of my life. This isn't about sexual compatability, which I don't think is that important, as much as qualities of generosity and gentleness that a good lover will display. Not that you need to have sex with someone to find out how generous or gentle they are, I hasten to add!



    Incidentally, one of the lessons I had from an ex is that the ability to sleep well with someone literally rather than metaphorically is quite important! It is partly about sleeping styles, but more about one's level of comfort with the other person. I knew I had a keeper when H2B and I spent two years sharing a single bed (the joys of college housing) and still generally managed to get a decent nights sleep!
  • emmabuk1emmabuk1 Posts: 127
    Haha - i think it's funny that it's sparked such a debate!!



    Well, I know plenty of Christian friends who waited till they married and are still incredibly happy many years later. For me, I feel that sleeping with my husband will be a privilege we are granted as a 'married' couple. If we were already sleeping together, and living together I don't see how marriage would really have an impact on our lives? The way I see it is that marriage will change us and strengthen our relationship. I don't imagine that I'm going to be blown away the first time we make love - I understand that for most people it's awkward and difficult! Also, it may not even happen on the night of our wedding. As Banana Jam pointed out - we'll be shattered!! I think we may wait until the first night of our honeymoon. Also, I know that our sex will be great - just because we don't make love, doesn't mean we don't physically connect already;\) !!



    Anyway, just so everyone knows - I have loads of friends (both Christian and not) that sleep together before marriage and would never have it any other way - and I respect them just as they respect my decision. I think the world would be a boring place if we all agreed on everything!!:\)



    em xxx

  • JMuk1JMuk1 Posts: 319
    Although I am not a virgin bride, I think if you have never slept together before your wedding night that first time will always be amazing.



    I agree that the sexual technique of both parties may not be as polished as it will become over time, so from that point of view the physical enjoyment (!) might not be as intense, but that shared feeling of sharing such an intimate experience, after waiting so long to express their love in that way will be mind-blowing!!



    I can't think of anything more romantic actually! Swinging from the chandeliers can come later!



    Don't forget, first times have a reputation for being crap because most of the time it's probably nervous teenagers who are losing their virginity who want to get it out of the way and compare notes with friends (sorry for generalising!). Whilst aduts in loving long term relationships will still be nervous, I imagine they will be less so, and will also have a deeper appreciation how special the act is, and feel less pressure to bestow multiple orgasms! image



    [Modified by: JM on October 06, 2006 07:38 PM]



    [Modified by: JM on October 06, 2006 08:14 PM]
  • belindaxxxbelindaxxx Posts: 2,277
    Wow what a debate.



    I am in the same situation as craftycharli in that I waited for the right person who I knew I was in love with to be my first (my h2b) but wouldn't have waited for marriage.



    I love my h2b with all my heart and I feel sex is a huge part of this as it brings you so much closer together so you girls have all that to come.



    I would have honestly been too scared to wait for my wedding night due to the pressure and build up and I really cannot help thinking about the charlotte SATC situation!

    Good luck everyone

    x

    [Modified by: Belinda29-08-08 on October 12, 2006 06:08 PM]
  • Jubilee77Jubilee77 Posts: 2,213
    This is a great debate! heres my 2 cence!



    I have great respect for your choice to wait if you have decided that but for me it would have not been right.



    I do NOT believe that sex is the be all and end all of a relationahip but that attraction and the feeling you get in your stomach of wanting to make love to your partner is something I wouldn't want to live without.



    I understand people saying that "you cannot be sexually incompatible" but there are many different facets to sexual life and many that some individuals find extremely pleasurable and some people will find the same thing to be completely unacceptable. What happens if after a few months your husband decides he isn't interested in sex unless you dress up (this happened to a friend of mine & they eventually broke up as it was too upsetting for her & he would not discuss it). There are many ways you can be incompatible sexually and not everyone is willing to comprimise or discuss these things.



    I have an experience where I was going to marry the father of my son but realised that I was ins erious denial,our sex life had dried up and we were like brother and sister, we were just greatmates sharing a flat. When we broke up we hadn't had sex for 19 months! If I had married him without having sex with him I would never have gone on our sexual journey together and I would now be married to man I could only see as my brother with the prospect of never feeling sexy or wanted or even wanting to feel sexually close to a man again. I know it sounds silly, i was only 23 when we broke up and at the time I really couldn't be bothered with sex didn't even think I could get turned on again!



    Then I met my h2b and the hormones all came back, I love him so much and love our sex life (6.5 years on). I don't know if I could honestly say at 29 that I would be happy to marry him knowing he would never look at me like he was going to drag me off into the bedroom any minute again or knowing I would never want to feel him that close to me again....it's too depressing too think about. :\(



    Not that I wouldn't want to marry him but it's painful to think that we wouldn't have 'this' that we would be, 'just mates'.



    Sorry for goin on a bit.



    I have to say, good luck girls. Relax and enjoy......
  • stkezstkez Posts: 2,247
    I am a practicing Catholic, My way may not be " the right way" but it doesnt make me feel any less christian because Ive got children out of wedlock, infact since having my children my faith is very strong, much more than it was before i had them.



    I admire you for waiting but lifestyles and situations can make you make decisions that are not always the right ones but at the time you may think you are right.



    I know I will abstaining from sex for a month or two before I marry not for any religious reasons but because its something else to look forward too.





    [Modified by: Kerry26-8-07 on October 10, 2006 02:01 PM]
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