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I need some other peoples opinions as my head is a total mess and think that I might be over reacting.

We and the H2B are getting married Aug 2013. H2B’s brother and his gf have just got engaged and are looking a wedding venue. She text me yesterday saying that they have found their venue however they can afford to do it June 2013.

I am really grateful that the has asked me on what my though and feeling are with them getting married before us. I told her the truth and said that it would upset me if they do it before us, knowing how much planning etc has gone into our and that I don’t want the shine to be taken from our day.

I don’t want to come across selfish, because that isn’t me but I will be heartbroken if they do do it before us…

Thoughts please :’( 


  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253

    why would you be heart broken? its a nice gap between the weddings so they should be ready and back from honeymoon in time to give you any help you might ask for and shouldnt effect people being able to come to both. relax and be happy, try to not turn it into a competition and enjoy having someone to talk to who will be equally as obsessed by weddings as you image

  • Hello. I can see why you would be upset I would be too. but on the other hand you need to remember that each wedding is different and if I could afford to have it earlier I would. Try and think positive about it and see the benefits. You can both chew each others ears off about the wedding! She will be getting married in June you would be august so there is still a gap and you will both have different friends so it's not a bad thing just keep enjoying planning your day x
  • I can see how it is upsetting by the fact your H2b's brother has only just got engaged is getting their wedding in before yours, but I agree with the other ladies, and that's, try not let it upset you, instead see it as you've now got someone to talk weddings with, and share the excitement, also it's a good way of seeing how their day goes, a little practice for your big day, you'll get to see how it all goes together and what's really important and what's not

    I know all weddings are different so I don't think you need to worry about out doing each other, and you do have a couple of months between too, do you get on well with your h2b's girlfriend?

    I'm also getting married August (3rd) and my step sister shortly said she was getting married August too! But she is planning for hers at the end of the month, but theirs will be a very small wedding abroad and then a party when she returns, I'm not at all worried as we have completely different tastes and ideas anyway
  • soulmatessoulmates Posts: 173

    I'm guessing the important people in your life already know what date you have decided on? If so I wouldn't worry, it wont be like you've copied them or jumped on the wedding band-wagon so to speak.

    Wont it be lovely to have someone to chat with, look at dresses ect with? 

    Its a fab opportunity to check out what goes right and wrong for them (that's not to seem mean, just could help with how you organise things etc) 

    If they do decided on June, its really their choice, I think it was very thoughtful of them to ask how you felt. It shows you how much they think about you IMO.

    When will you know if they decide to go for June?

  • Aug13b2bAug13b2b Posts: 319

    Thanks for all your advice.

    I just think if the shoe was on the other foot and they were getting married in August I really don’t think that I would then plan to get married before them.

    Before they got engaged they said that they weren’t bothered about waiting till 2014 to tie the knot.

    Yes I get along really well with her.

    Yes the majority of people know what we are getting married on the 11th August, maybe I should get the save the dates sent out asap!! Ermm I don’t know, the way the conversation was finished last night it seemed as though they weren’t going to do it, but just found out that they are going to go to a wedding fayre.. which then makes me think why would they be going to a wedding fayre if they were going to hold out till 2014??

  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253

    keep going with your plans. get your save the dates out and see what happens. are you upset about the baby thing too? you know they have put a lot of pressure on their relationship and taking your time over things doesnt make it bad. get moving on your std people will be eager for them and it will get them excited for you! please dont turn it into a pissing contest

  • Aug13b2bAug13b2b Posts: 319

    Well just had a message to say they are going to do it 2014 so I guess I am happy with that!

    Have a lot going on at the minute; wedding plans, mum not being well etc! think I am just being stupid about the whole thing.

  • SparklesSparkles Posts: 377

    If your canny you can use it to your advantage, discounts in shops, on products etc as you'll be buying double if you go in togetherimage

  • MrsBeau2BMrsBeau2B Posts: 1,513

    Glad its all sorted!

    A family member of mine announced their wedding was going to be two months before ours and my first thought was good! I can make sure ours is even better image 


  • I completely understand how you feel. My fianc?? and I got engaged Xmas 2010 and are getting married August 2013. H2b's sister got engaged 2011 and also decided on a 2013 wedding. However she brought her wedding forward to September 2012 even though they couldnt really afford it and Ive always felt she did it to get in there first (that's just the kind of person she is). It all seemed a bit rushed and at first I was upset because for months it was all about her wedding and although it might seem selfish the shine had been taken off our day... They did get married and even though she insists on giving me advice (because she is now o so experienced) her day is over and we still have ours to look forward to. We also won't be in as much debt because we made sure we left it long enough to save as much as possible. I know she'll be constantly comparing our wedding to hers and nothing will be as good in her eyes, but I know we've worked hard to have the wedding of our dreams and it will be perfect. Just keep thinking this is your day and don't let anyone ruin it for you. When your brother in laws wedding is over you'll still have yours to look forward to. Enjoy every second!
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