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Bridesmaid being very VERY difficult

Hi there, I don't often post on the forum but need some help/ a rant!!

My bridesmaid has asked me to uninvite a guest. Well she didn't actually ask me, she got one of the other bridesmaids to do it for her.

The guest, was formally her best friend with whom she decided to embark upon a relationship. Said relationship blew up in their faces resulting in an enormous argument and they are now not on speaking terms.

I am friends with the former best friend and have been for a few years. However out of respect for my bridesmaid I did ask her before sending the invite out whether she was okay with me inviting him, which she said she was.

All transpires, the former best friend told his version of events to the other bridesmaid who then told the other bridesmaid who is now really upset about what he has said.

I have told both of them that I am really unhappy to uninvite him, mainly because I get the feeling that I am only getting half a story from them, and also because this isn't my argument and I really don't want to get involved.

I have asked her to give it a month and if she still feels this way, then she, not me, can get in touch with him, explain her her feelings and request that he doeesn't attend.

She seems to think I am being unreasonable and that I should automatically just uninvite him at her request.

Am I being unreasonable? I thought the whole point of bridesmaids was to make the job of bride easier, not to give me more stress!! It feels like i'm in school again - finding the whole thing so so childish!!

Apologies for the long post! Just really need to vent!!!!


  • ceejay234ceejay234 Posts: 92
    I think that you have done exactly the right thing in the situation, the fact that you are willing to 'uninvite' one of your friends due to how your bridesmaid feels in very kind of you, but I do not see why it should be you that has to do it.

    As he is talking to another one of your bridemaid's could you ask her if she would be willing to talk to him about how you are feeling under pressure with the whole situation?

    But I definately do not think you are being unreasonable - infact, quite the opposite!! Try not to let it bother you and just enjoy the planning image
  • misssmile83misssmile83 Posts: 116
    Hello I know you ve not had many replies. But I have kind of been there when my ex was best man at a close friend of mines wedding - I was really gutted that I didn't get a day invite. ( but his girlfriend if1minth did) and I only got a evening invite and felt sooo uncomfortable and left. ( but that was my choice)

    Anyway what I'm getting at us yday it's YOUR day you say what goes because it's what YOU want . X
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    am I being unreasonable? I thought the whole point of bridesmaids was to make the job of bride easier, not to give me more stress!

    no you clearly don't come on here very often...bridesmaids are probably second complaint afywr mothers

    what do you want to do regardless of the bridesmmaids. it is only up to you and your man who you want to invite and if anyone has a problem with that THAT PERSON should come and talk to you
  • nenjennenjen Posts: 1,524
    I agree with the others. It's your day and I think it's incredibly cheeky for someone to ask you to uninvite another guest when they had already agreed to it.
  • tinainwidtinainwid Posts: 277
    I wouldnt uninvite a guest at all, shes a big girl and should be able to manage for one day.
  • Thank you for all of your responses! Always good to get an impartial perspective on things.

    I really hope that everything will have blown over by the time the big day comes. I just hope she doesn't get drunk and cause a scene.

    It does seem to be a running theme with weddings that there is always one person who seems to think they have the right to interfere with your plans. Problem is with my bridesmaid though is that she can't see how unreasonable she is being. Even when I asked her to put herself in my shoes, she just couldn't do it - she doesn't seem to get how selfish she is being!

  • gem1809gem1809 Posts: 228
    You're not being unreasonable at all, your bridesmaid is!
  • I agree with the other girls - you invited your friend because you want them to be at your wedding, you can't uninvite them because someone else doesn't want them to be there. If you did uninvite the friend then it would seem like you were getting involved in their argument and taking the bridesmaid's side.
  • gawd luv i don't know how this girl is a good enough friend to be your bridesmaid after all her ranting! what does your OTHER BM think? can she not talk to her? if she agrees with you then 'ranty' BM must see that she is being a bit unreasonable...?
    I wouldnt uninvite a guest at all, shes a big girl and should be able to manage for one day.

  • Thanks for all the replies! I'm still shocked that she is acting like this. Me and the difficulat bridesmaids were good friends at the time I got engaged however our friendship has dwindled somewhat since I moved abrod, where as I am still as close with the other two girls. The other girls both agree with me.

    I am hoping that she will feel better about things in a few weeks time... Problem with difficult BM is that she hates not getting her own way, and I think the fact our friend knocked her back romantically has been a bitter pill for her to swallow, to the point that she has completely flipped out is being completely irrational.

    Its a shame really as I know there will be an atmosphere between the two if us now on the day....

    I will stick to my guns though and not be the one to speak with out mutual friend.

    Drama drama!!
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