Forum home Archived Live web clinics

I think I'm going to snap! Am I the only one?

Hi,

I don't usually do this sort of thing but I am feeling so incredibly down about our forth coming nuptials that I need to vent / get this off my chest. For obvious reasons I can't speak to my H2B or parents as I feel that I'll be letting everyone down. We are getting married in a couple of months & truth be told, I cant wait for the whole bloody thing to be over! I have been engaged 18 months and whilst we have sorted all the big stuff (venue, dress, photographer, band etc) it is now getting down to the nitty gritty & I am feeling totally overwhelmed. I don't know where to start & have written so many lists its ridiculous. Rather than acting on anything & getting anything done I spend countless hours every evening surfing the internet & then feel terribly guilty that I've got nowhere! I'm struggling with readings & music for our civil ceremony & my fiancé says I should pick as he doesn't know much about music & that I wont like anything he chooses anyway, he doesn't get it that I want to choose together. Numerous family members & friends have declined our invitation (which is making me feel very unpopular) & this coupled with lots of other things is making me doubt whether we are doing the right thing which really depresses me! And if one more person asks how the plans are going I'll have a full on breakdown! Happiest time of my life? It certainly isn't.

Posts

  • Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling so down and stressed. I think you'll find that others will be saying that they know exactly how you feel.  I keep making lists too! Every day I have things to do for the wedding and I get to the evening and haven't achieved what I wanted to. Perhaps try to focus on one aspect at a time, so you don't get sidetracked with other stuff. I'm a devil for wasting time browsing stuff online....flitting from headpieces to music to readings to flower ideas! Think I'm going to start saying to myself  today is the day for...say readings, and STICK to that and nothing else! 

    There is nothing so disheartening as getting responses from those who can't come. Try to keep it in perspective. The day is about you and your H2B And making the commitment to each other. The guests are there to act as witnesses to this and if they can't/don't want to be then that will be their loss. 

    Im afraid I've not said anything very helpful. Stick with it, don't set yourself unrealistic goals re the planning. Even perhaps consider taking a few days break from it all and only do non wedding related stuff! 

  • Hi.  I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.  I am 3 months away from the big day now and small things that still need organising I am also finding stressful.  It is the loss of your family members and friends who have declined your invitation I truly believe that, I think some people don't understand how important it is, and other will have genuine reasons I am sure.  Why is it all making you question if you are doing the right thing?  Remember it is your marriage that it is important, not the wedding.  To everyone else it is a lovely thing to witness and a nice party, but to you it is the start of your married life.  You are going to have a wedding though! The big stuff is in hand! No-one is going to be sat there thinking "well, I would have though so and so song would be better!".  Why not set yourself one thing to do per week, so you have a focus without it being pressurised?  So this week readings, next week music, the week after favours/flowers or whatever else you've left to arrange.  Make one last list of these things and put them in order of what needs to be sorted in priority and organise your weeks that way.  Good luck and enjoy xxxx

  • MrsKGMrsKG Posts: 403

    I think it's only natural to get a bit stressed as the day arrives if things aren't quite going according to your plan. I'm 35 days away and had a bit of a meltdown yesterday after our venue sent us the wrong pre-payment bill that was loads higher than we were expecting. Just the sheer number of little things to organise is overwhelming, but I think one thing at a time and keep ticking things off the list. At the end of the day the most important thing is getting married, celebrating that with the people who care and want to be there and having a bloody good dance and eating lots of food! I have to keep reminding myself that most guests won't notice the tiniest things - only you know what you are planning so they will just think everything is how it should be. That helps me relax a bit! 

    Hope that helps a bit! image x

  • Weddin crazyWeddin crazy Posts: 1,743

    You have just described exactly how iv felt during my planning and how a lot of other b2b on here feel lol iv only got 29 days left and iv still got things going wrong And writing a new to do list everyday. the planning part is def not wt u expect but u just have to try enjoy the good days and it does get more fun the closer it gets, and as you start seeing what you have accomplished and you see all favours finished, decorations etc it makes u feel really excited for the day to come. when ur feeling like you can't be bothered with it anymore, ban wedding talk for a day or two and come back to it with a clear mind image 

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Completely agree with everyone else! We also started planning 18 months ago and at New years it suddenly hit me that it is this year! Eeek. I have also sorted the main bits and pieces, so as long as they all go to plan it won't be the end of the world.

    We all feel the pressure for everything to go smoothly and for guests to enjoy the day. When I felt overwhelmed I spoke to my OH and he took a few jobs on and it was lovely to know he was involved. He actually enjoyed it and he was pleased I felt better image I do think its worth talking to him about how you are feeling.

    It might be worth taking a step back? Or decide what really matters to you? I hope you are feeling a bit better about it all, but remember we are all here for you to chat to and completely understand where you are coming from image

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    Do the things that matter and delegate some of it to your h2b, tell him you trust him and will love whatever he picks/does.

    Like the music for the ceremony, surely as a grown man he can pick 3 songs for you to sign the register to and you get to pick the one you prefer image Tell him the days about you both and you want him to have some input!

    I am lucky mine has realised tis week how much we have left to sort with just over 3 months to go, the first meeting with our wedding planner at the venue on Saturday is going to be hilarious, last week they sent me the lit of questions they ask, 90% will be tbc/tbd!

    I have wasted 2 evenings (a least image) looking at wedding jewellery for me and my bridesmaids just to end up picking the ones I liked in the first place! Its crazy I have probably spent longer looking at jewellery than I spent picking my dress and the bridesmaids dresses, with my dress I was lucky and found the one quickly, with the bridesmaids dresses I decided made to measure from a local boutique was the easiest option, either that or loose a lot of Saturdays hunting down bridesmaids dresses, cost more than I had wanted to pay but so worth it!

    Make one list in excel (or word, I just prefer excel, means you can add information and data sort it.....I am such a geek!), put in anything with 'hard' dates, things that have to be decided by a certain time due to deadlines set by others, maybe minus a few days from the date so if you haven't decided by that date you have built in a few days where it is to be your no1 priority! .

    Then list the rest, including what you have already done, and put a priority level by as in must do or would be nice but doesn't really matter, aim to do the must does first, and give yourself a time limit for each item - this is what I fail to do and why I will have stunning wedding jewellery but no table plan, but as their will be place cards on the tables my guests could survive without a table plan, I just need a rough one for whoever is doing the se up!

    Also have at least one no wedmin night a week, I would aim for too one for you to spent time with H2B and one just for you to do something else.

    As for the ones that have declined don't worry about them, just concentrate on the guests that are coming image

  • Hi, sorry I've only just seen the responses to this. What a lovely bunch you are. Thank you! I am feeling a bit more positive now knowing that I'm not alone & agree that although the day is important our marriage is even more so.

    I'm going to do a final complete list tonight & prioritise things & think the wedding free days is a great idea - if my brain will switch off!

    Thanks again, you really have lifted my spirits & given me some good advice.image

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    One key thing is to write things down somewhere safe - hence my excel sheets, if I do I can relax, knowing I won't forget about it. I read once in a magazine if the brain knows it is written somewhere it knows you will look at again it relax and forget about it, if you write it somewhere you don't think is safe your brain will try to retain the information!

    I have a notebook that lives in my handbag for anything, not just wedding related I need to remember that I cannot do or write a note for in the correct place. I have a friend who has an app on her phone for stuff she needs a reminder for, she finds my pen and paper approach old fashioned, but I just like physically writing things - some of my colleagues that try to be paperless in the office think I am mad to make so many notes in a notebook, but over the year in various jobs my notebooks have had the answer to questions that suddenly become urgent written in them, which has been handy when access to share drives or email isn't working or everyone's forgot the name of the file its in and any key words!

     

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    i have  notebook and a diary! im next month and cant wait for the whole event to be over too!

    write down all tasks then asign dates that each iten has to be done by - seeing the this list will focus u and possibly make you cry but will help ur OH see how much you have to organise nd need help with (although i done this and had offers of help we still need a sit down every week - it help establish in my head and his what we have done/got  to do still)

    maybe make every thursday night wedding planning night - both take a task and serach etc so you can plan anythin that needs to be done at the weekend?

  • Mrs BakeMrs Bake Posts: 1,651

    You are not the only one. I've been planning my wedding since 2011 (we didn't rush to settle a date and then when we did set a date for last year, disaster struck - I lost my Granddad, and business problems meant all our savings were sucked down the drain) so we've rescheduled everything for June this year.

    Now we're getting to the nitty gritty after finalising everything, I'm miserable. I had a phone call to advise me that our venue for the reception has been put on the market and therefore we'd need to find a new venue as all weddings had been cancelled. I was devesated, but now thats sorted I'm just waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

    I feel so overwhelmed by all we have left to sort out, and H2B was proving less than helpful so after a talk, we decided we would do a maximum of 2 hours wedmin a day (where we can due to other commitments) and only focus on one area such as seating plans etc.

    I also found it helps to get my BM's together for a drink and snacks, and work on one area. I try and do this when H2B is working late so he doesn't have to be involved in everything.

    Hang on in there ladies!

     

Sign In or Register to comment.