Should I approach MIL2B

Hello.This is the first time I've written something on here, so bear with me:\)



I had been getting along fine with MIL2B to the point the pair of us went for lunch together, I also asked her along with my mum to a wedding fair but all has changed. H2B and I changed the wedding plans we were going to have a big wedding and the reception alone was gonig to cost about £8k.



We had a rethink and we thought about going abroad. We were both really into the idea. My mum and dad were both happy with this idea but then a big storm started when H2B told his mum. She thought we were crazy as she thought it would cost more than a wedding in this country. She started to manipulate my H2B to say that his brother's and sisters didn't like the idea and some wouldn't go to the wedding. Obviously at this point H2B and I were ready to run away and get married secretly but we sisn't as we knew how much it would upset everyone plus we wanted friends and family to join us and celebrate.



We have since changed the plans again and are planning the wedding in this country on a much smaller scale. We are both happy with the current plans even though it wasn't our original plan.



Now I feel very uncomfortable discussing wedding plans with MIL2B as there are still the odd few sly comments about the plans. Previously I had wanted to involve quite a lot with the planning and preparation, now I don't want to at all as I'm worried she'll take over. I don't know what to do as I don't feel relaxed talking to her about anything anymore but we had got on so well before. Should I speak to her and explain how I feel or leave it and hope I get over it (and she gets the hint)? :\?

Posts

  • jeskiukjeskiuk Posts: 2,051
    Personally if it were my mil2b I would carry on as normal, but I am used to her speaking without thinking nad am comfortable enough to ask her outright 'what is that supposed to mean?' when she starts. What is your fil2b like? Perhaps you could ask his opinion he would probably give you a better idea of how she is to be handled.
  • marie28ukmarie28uk Posts: 299
    MrsSlaterToBe,

    What an awkward situation!



    I think you should have a word with h2b and see what he thinks and I would go and see her together!

    I thought that I got along with mil2b, but I really dont anymore (long story that I won't bore you with), but I feel very uncomfortable discussing anything about the wedding with her. I too thought that we were pretty close and had planned to let her come dress shopping (even though I really only wanted my mum and sis) and thought she would get really involved. However, due to certain events, I still feel very uncomfortable and don't like to discuss things. I don't know what type of person you are, but I simmer for a long time and to be honest things have just got worse. From a selfish point of view, if you think talking honestly to her will sort it out, do it! Because I haven't enjoyed the planning half as much as I thought I would and sometimes dread the actual wedding!!!!!!
  • I think I'd take the lead from your husband-to-be. He should know the best way of handling his mother! I don't think it would do any harm if you asked his mother if she was happy about the wedding plans, because that would give her the chance to talk about what's troubling her. She's going to be your mother-in-law for a long time, so it's better to stay on a friendly footing with her if you can.
  • linseyblinseyb Posts: 89
    Thanks for all the advice they are all something for me to think about. I don't think she realises how much she upset me. She knew that H2B was upset with the things she said.



    I am still on a surface level friendly with my MIL2B so at least it's not that bad.



    Marie28 it doesn't sound like simmering on your thoughts are doing you any good if you feel that way. Perhaps another approach might be necessary. If there was any conflict I'm sure it wouldn't last for long and would be worth it in the long run. How long have you got until your wedding? If it's a long time it may end up building up to be a bigger problem than it is now!



    I suppose I should listen to my own advice. FIL2B, I don't think would be of much benefit to chat to as he tends to take his lead from his wife. My H2B, I suppose I don't want to burdon him with it too much as he can get quite annoyed with his own mum at times. She regularly contacts him to ask why he's not been in touch, when it hasn't been longer than a week that he's either seen or spoken to her (another story basically).



    I understand what her concern generally is as she does not hesitate to let everyone know how she is feeling.



    I wish we could back to the way it was before the idea of a wedding abroad. I don;t think it will happen on its own. But maybe I should try and keep an easy life and change the way I think about the situation.
  • MissscukMissscuk Posts: 199
    I was in a similar situation. I have basically planned the wedding the way I want it and haven't asked for any help from MIL2B. She caused too much trouble at the start with her interfering so I thought the easiest and least stressful thing to do was to stop talking about the wedding in front of her. After all, its our day and as we're paying for the whole thing, we should be able to plan it how we want.

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