BRIDESMAIDS HAVE REALLY LET ME DOWN!

I have 4 bridesmaids and 3 flowergirls. which consist of 2 sisters, 3 neices, and 2 step daughters - It has been a nightmare. Had a blazing row with one of my sisters last week as i asked if we could all arrange a day to try on the dresses, and she said WE STILL HAVE THREE MONTHS, we havent looked at shoes, stuff for hair or anything, and we havent all been in the same room since they were ordered, by me from Debenhams online in January (as they couldnt agree a mutually convenient date, plus my two nieces constantly fall out so would not go in together on the same day).



At the time, the dresses fitted my neices, but were a bit on the snug side, but they said don't return them, we are going on diet and will definately lose weight before wedding, we now have 3 months to go YIKES, and they havent lost any weight, infact, looks like they have gained. Anyways, i just want the girls to try them on, hopefully they will be ok, but they still have 3 months to do something about them if they dont fit. Also, my sisters have lost weight, lots, so their dresses will need altered. One of my sisters said, well if worst comes to worst, we can wear their dresses and they can wear ours!! My sisters are in their 40's i had bought them long dresses, and my neices are 18 & 19, they have prom style knee length dresses in the same colour - i dont think it will look right, i deliberately ordered them different dresses as I wanted to go for that look!! Anyways, if this is not bad enough, my fiance's ex has been saying the kids (step children) can come to the wedding, then they cant so i went to try and sort out dresses for them and they were costing a fortune as timewise, we would need express delivery for them given that it's only 3 months to go, ALSO, chances are, nearer the time, the ex will change her mind again and they wont be allowed to come, and on top of my H2B being devastated if they arent allowed to come we will be out hundreds of pounds for dresses that can not be worn. So, after much thought i saw nice dresses in Monsoon, which I have bought and if they arent allowed to come, at least they can wear their wee dresses, another problem, the girls (step daughters) live hundreds of miles away and we will struggle to get them tried on anytime soon - IM OFFICIALLY DEMENTED.



I wish i hadnt asked any of them, oldest sister in particular who just seems to want to poison everything but I have such a big family i didnt want to offend or leave anyone out. To be honest, i dont think any of them could care less as they just arent bothered whatsoever.



During argument last week my sister dragged my other sister into it by saying, ive seen the emails youve sent to other sister insinuating that we arent supporting you, was livid!! Confronted other sister about these emails and she denied showing her anything, but it was quite obvious that she had, so have not spoken to either of them since then until today - read on....



My friend (who isnt bridesmaid) has arranged my hen night as my bridesmaids hadnt mentioned anything about it. Today one of my sisters emailed my friend to say that they (all four bridesmaids and sister in law) could no longer go to either the during the day part, nor the meal, but would come along at night to pub/ nightclub so she had to text them to let them know where we were later in the night. Hen night is at the end of August, so assuming now that i will not hear another thing from them til then!! Bear in mind we were all meant to be going thru together in train, staying overnight etc. She also asked if deposits were refundable!! So, both sisters, two nieces and sister in law are no longer coming!! Hen night was booked a few months ago, deposits paid, it was an overnight stay a pole dancing class in afternoon (classy image, meal at night, then entry into a club or nightclub. We were all planning on leaving at lunchtime on the saturday, therefore who knows what state we shall b in come 9 /10 pm!! I had a huge rant today with said sister, saying the least she could have done was let me know that 5 people were cancelling, rather than letting me down through my friend. I am so upset and dont know what to do. I have now got to the point that i feel like telling them all to just forget it, but i can imagine my mother's reaction - please help image



Sorry for going on, feel slightly better already just by typing it and any advice would be appreciated xxx

Posts

  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    Not an easy one, would have probably blown a fuse myself! Have they given any reasonable explanations for not being able to make the hen party? I wouldn't really know what to suggest as if it was my sisters behaving like that I would be dumbfounded as well as hurt. If it wasn't so close to the wedding I would be inclined to tell them to forget being bridesmaid.

    Hope you think of something xx
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    thanks oftheshelf

    Other than the fact that they felt too old for pole dancing, nope, They knew that was what we were doing at time of booking months ago. And if they dont want to participate, they can watch everyone else making a full of themselves, go shopping whatever. It's a cop out due to the argument. Full amount had to be paid by yesterday, so they have decided not to bother!! Ive had no support and any time any of them are involved in my life it just ends up in trouble, i am so hurt and disgusted with them. Also embarrased, not one of the bridal party at my hen night, my friends are totally shocked at them. xx
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    No need to be embarrased, your friends aren't going to judge you on your family's behaviour x Gosh, if they did none of us would have friends - lol!! x

    I hope you manage to resolve the situation before your wedding because it would be a shame otherwise, but make sure your sisters understand how out of order they are - and I would leave them waiting all night rather than invite them to the club after the meal !!

    Good luck x
  • lousussexlousussex Posts: 181
    Hi there, I know EXACTLEY how you feel I have a bridesmade (h2b sister!) who has been so unhelpful thru out were getting married in 3 months and she kicked off about the dress her hair and is not coming to my hen doo!!

    (work!) Choosing to take the upper hand and think well stuff you be the better person...the bride! dont forget your the bride!!!!!!! its your day, and also, think were in this together we all have our own family nighmares, every time i think of what she's doing/done, i just think of the ladies on here going thru the same thing and It gets me thru it ( not screaming at her! LOL!) that is good luck xx

  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    I'm glad my bridesmaids are all under 13 - any backchat and they're grounded!! lol x
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    Originally i wanted to jet off somewhere and get married quietly, but h2B wanted a proper wedding, as he's an only child and he thought his parents would appreciate it. Tonight he said, honey now i know what you were talking about, beginning to seriously think about just binning the wedding, it's just too late, invitations have been sent out etc - could totally cry. Havent heard from my mum either, havent phoned her etc as she just doesnt need the grief. Im quite sure the "ugly" sisters have filled in their side of the story quite nicely though.

    My sisters will never see that they have done anything wrong, as this is not about them they wont care, very self centred.



    xx

  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    Oftheshelf you have no idea how lucky you are LOL xx
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    Please don't let them damper your spirits x They are just a small part of the day, remember you are going to be marrying the man of your dreams!! In front of all your friends and family who love you despite being the biggest pains ever xx And if that doesn't cheer you up just think of your dress... and shoes ... and rings..... lol! x
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    heh heh you are right again LOL, just thought of my shoes, they always please me, and never let me down xxx
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    see xx who needs bridesmaids when you have accessories !!
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    Thank you very much honey, i didnt think i could have felt happy today, but you have cheered me up.xx



    How is all your planning going? When's your big day xx
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    My planning is a nightmare and I haven't even set a date!! Am hoping for 08.12.09 as I got engaged 08.12.07 but am waiting to see if the date is free at the church. I have picked my dress, wedding coat, bridesmaids dresses, capes and hand muffs, music, flowers and some other things.

    All really scrappy but I don't think I can arrange too much until the date is confirmed - its driving me potty!!



    Whens your big day? Do you have much left to do?x
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    A winter wedding, ahhhhh that'll be lovely. What's your dress like etc? Here's a link to mine http://www.roseroyale.co.uk/USERIMAGES/PC6306mainstage.jpg

    I am pretty organised, other than potentially having to replace my bridemaids and adopt a new family LOL. We get married sunday 28 September this year, we only got engaged August last year, so its been a very busy year. Im sure it will all be worth it on the day. I actually just want to be married and get on with our lives and get this wedding malarky over and done with, How bad is that xx
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    Thats not bad, I'm told its normal to feel like that nearer the date. Your dress is stunning!! Here's my wedding outfit:

    http://www.dreamnette.com/

    It's the one on the homepage but they don't show any other pics - I've got to wait 4 months before I see it for real but I just fell in love with it!!
  • heather150ukheather150uk Posts: 151
    Oh that is just beautiful!! So unusual, no wonder it was love at first sight. You thought about shoes etc x
  • offtheshelfofftheshelf Posts: 340
    Am looking for Jimmy choo lace up boots but its all the summer range at the moment so I'll probably have to wait until the winter range come out later in the year. Are you having a theme? What about veil/ tiara?
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