my mum wont speak at my wedding


just wondering if anyone can offer some advice...i get married may 2014 and my mum is giving me away ......i have had nothing to do with my dad for over 15 yrs.......she will give me away and sit on the top table etc.......however as usual the father of the brides speaks and when i mentioned this to my mum she has said no way does she want to speak.....she says she doesnt like the limelight and would feel uncomfortable

this has really upset me, i have told her this and approached her on several occasions but she has said no she is not doing chief brideamaid is speaking for me but feel it looks bad if my mum doesnt

can anyone offer any advice or support please

thank you


  •  I can understand how your mum feels and its unfair of you to put pressure on her to speak have you got anybody else to ask to make the speech maybe a grandfather or uncle maybe a god father x

  • PoppinsPoppins Posts: 3,146

    My MOH was in a similar situation so her mum wrote a letter to her and her sister read it out as her speech. It was lovely as it was her mums words but she didn't have to have the limelight on her x

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    My Mum is also giving me away, I asked if she would like to say anything but she doesn't want to so just left it. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. It wouldn't be nerves as she has been teaching for over 30 years. My partners Dad has asked if he could say anything, so thinking he can do a speech instead of the traditional FOB. I am sure you could find someone else, alternatively love the idea of reading a message from your Mum.

  • Spam88Spam88 Posts: 1,001

    I think if she doesn't want to do it then you should leave her be - you don't want her to get stressed out over it, or not be able to really relax and enjoy the day before the speeches because she's so worried about it!  There's no hard and fast rules about who does a speech, I don't think it would be odd at all for your Mum not to do one image  I know if I was in your shoes it would be more important to me that my mum was happy.

  • I would hate to have to stand up and do a speech in front of everyone, and if it were me, I would be stressing about it until it was over and wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy the ceremony. I think the idea of the letter is nice

  • My father suffered from severe social anxiety.  He was ill at the prospect of doing my sister's father of the bride speech.  He didn't tell us this until the week before the wedding when he just announced that he couldn't go.  My sister was really shocked and heartbroken.  We had to get to the bottom of it and he eventually said it was because of the speech.  So he didn't do it and came to the wedding.  He didn't enjoy himself because of his anxieties of being in an enclosed space with hundreds of people but the fact he didn't have to do it, eased the pain a bit.  He died last year and wont be at my wedding.  I suppose he would have hated mine too hehe image

  • My dad is very shy so I don't expect him to be doing a speech. I will give him the option nearer to the time but fully expect him to say he'd rather not. I saw on another post (as well as above) where the nervous person has written as speech instead and had it printed/read out on their behalf. This is the perfect compromise for me image I know I couldn't do it so I can't expect my dad to (that's where I get it from!) image

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    At my auntie's wedding my grandpa was too shy to do a speech so her eldest brother did it instead. It was really lovely and emotional for all of them. I think Poppins idea is really sweet, see if your mum would write some words and have another relative or close friend read it out.  

    OH's best man is his brother, who has lived abroad most of his life and hasn't really been around much since he was really young. He is fretting that he doesn't have any funny/emotional stories to tell and that he won't be able to write a traditional best man speech. We've said not to worry and that there's no pressure to follow any conventions or traditions, he can say whatever he feels or just keep it really short and simple, whatever he's comfortable with. My dad is the opposite! - 5 months to go and he tells me he's already written it!? Hope he doesn't have too much to say....!

  • Well i don't know what's the issue with your mom. Maybe she has some big problem that she feels uncomfortable to discuss with you. There could be something that's not good and she does not want to tell it to you and spoil your day. My daughter has been pleading me to deliver a speech at her big day and I'm really enthusiastic to do so. I don't understand why your mom wouldn't want to do that. Is she okay with the fact that your dad is also coming??

  • MrsA6MrsA6 Posts: 962 New bride

    Both my mum and dad were too nervous to speak at my wedding for me, so my father in law did a 'family speech' for all of them image My sister gets married in 7 weeks, and has the same issue obviously, so although i am super nervous, i will be making the speech instead of my mum/dad (i'm also chief bridesmaid). Dont let it upset you too much, as long as someone is up there saying a few words for you, thats all that matters. M?y father in law sat with my mum and had her help to write the parts about me, masybe ask your MOH to do that with your mum? x

  • Weddin crazyWeddin crazy Posts: 1,743

    Think this is an old thread and weddin would be over now. If your stil on forum Emily, how'd it go?

  • I think it's normal for some moms to act like that during the wedding day of their daughters. Maybe they have mixed emotions that only moms like them can understand so they choose to stay quite that to burst out with tears.

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