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post wedding blues

Hello, I think I am going mad!!!!

my son and daughter-in-law were married 4 days ago and the day was perfect. I love them both very much and loved the wedding day, it could not of gone better for anybody especially the bride, groom and all 4 parents,fantastic!!

The problem is that now it is all over I feel so flat. It just seemed to take over our lives for the last 18 months and the anticipation was wonderful but now it is all over I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore.I have been crying my eyes out now for 2 days and I feel ridiculous because I have nothing to cry for yet I feel I am in mourning. Have any other mothers/fathers of the bride or groom feel like this and if so, how long does it last?

Posts

  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    I think a lot of brides feel that way too!

    It does pass... you just need to find another project to distract you, be it re-decorating, booking a holiday to look forward to or even planning a summer garden party (you don't need a reason!) or big family get-together next year? 

    I apologise- this is somewhat of a personal question- but do you still work, or are you retired? If it's the latter, maybe you could volunteer for a local charity or museum etc. one day a week? Or, and I don't mean to sound patronising, have you considered taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill? It might give you something else to focus on.

    In the meantime, perhaps you could embark on a mini, wedding-related project such as creating your own photo album using images taken by both the professional photographer and family/ friends on the day? 

    Congratulations, I'm really pleased you all had such a wonderful wedding day xx

  • Thank you Jodielou,

    yes I am retired and do have a lot of time on my hands I am afraid. I just feel so daft for feeling like this as I have nothing to be sad for but I can't explain it and it has completely taken me by surprise. I will try to plan another project but at the moment I am a bit useless as I am a blubbering wreck!  Reading on line I think it is very common for the bride/groom to feel this way and there are some mums feeling that way too but it is just so illogical and my husband doesn't get it. He says " everybody had a great day what's wrong with you?" but that's the problem, I want it all to happen again this week!!! I feel like someone has died and it feels stupid of me.

  • Hi Mary,

    I'm getting married in 59 days- will you be my mummy?!! My own mum could literally not care less - I had to remind her yesterday that i'd had my dress fitting as she had forgotten despite me telling her so many times- and thats besides me being so upset that she didn't want to come with me. image

    Anyways I think that what you are feeling is completely natural and it only shows how much you enjoyed your son and DIL's day. I don't think men do feel the same/can relate but for you this has been on your mind for so long and you've helped plan every detail.

    I have already planned my holiday for three months after the wedding to try and prevent the blues and if this is something that you can do then get planning!  Alternatively, why not do a surprise welcome home party for your son and DIL if they are returning from honeymoon and you can get into the throws of that too. 

    I definitely agree with jodielou to try and fill the wedding shape gap with something else so you have a focus. but please do not feel silly as there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, its perfectly normal.   

  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    It's not stupid at all! It tells me you love your son and daughter-in-law and their wedding meant a lot to you. The fact that you want to re-live it just means it was a huge success! 

    I definitely think you need to work on having less time on your hands.

    In terms of missing the planning/ build up to the big day, is it the actual planning that you miss, or the closeness with your son and daughter-in-law/ spending so much time with them? Are they on honeymoon at the moment? 

    It is perfectly normal to get 'post-wedding blues' but if you feel like it's more than that- you describe it as grieving almost- maybe there's more to it... were you feeling ok before your son became engaged? It could be worth making an appointment with your GP, just in case xx

  • JCL1JCL1 Posts: 129

    As others have said it seems pretty normal to feel deflated. It's such a long build up and then over in one day. I know friends who have said they felt sad when a wedding of their family is over, especially if the bride and groom have gone away on honeymoon immediately after. Did any of your friends go to the wedding? If so why not arrange a dinner with them all and you can recount stories of the day to each other?

  • laurapjlaurapj Posts: 726

    I know for sure that I am going to get the blues once our wedding is over. I always do after a birthday or Christmas or even a party, and that stuff happens every year so I know it will hit me hard!

    I think it's lovely that it meant so much to you and that it had been everything you wanted it to be. I'm sure the blues will last a couple of weeks and then you'll get back into the groove of life pre-engagement and feel much better. My mum is a massive worrier so she just finds the whole thing a massive stress and I think she can't wait for it all to be over! I'll happily adopt you as my second-mummy!

    If you enjoy the event planning side of things perhaps you could get involved with fundraising or something similar? I know it's not the same but you could also share your advice and knowledge on here with other brides-to-be, there are lots of planning threads with people looking for encouragement and opinions on all sorts of things where your ideas would be welcome. 

    I'm sure you will find with time you'll feel better and there will be plenty of other things to get excited about, look forward to and plan for - perhaps grandbabies one day?! xx

  • Hi Jodie, I think it is partly all the planning that is now over but also the actual day and the love that was shared between everybody. I feel like having it all over again to feel that elation as it was so exciting and lovely.I do suffer from depression so that may not be helping as well. They are on honeymoon which makes it easier as I would hate them to know how low I am feeling, it would not be fair. I'm hoping it is only temporary and I can "pull my self together" as my husband says(this just makes it worse!) It really is odd but I do see how it can come about.x

    Mrs Mc Manus 2b,

    I am so sorry that your mother is not showing much interest but it is her loss as the fact you have written to try to make me feel better just shows what a lovely, caring person you are. She will regret it later i'm sure but remember, this is your day and don't let her spoil it! I'd love to hear how your plans are going, please keep me informed.x

    JCL1

    Thank you so much. It feels better when you hear others have gone through the same as it makes you feel that your not being a silly drama queen and it is quite normal. I must say it has taken me by surprise as I had never heard of it before.x

  • Laurapj

    Ok I will be your second mummy as long as I can come to the wedding!!! Trouble is I would have these horrible, sad, post wedding feelings all over again!!!! I will look in to the other threads as I would love to help and encourage other people. I am such a silly old devil but my children mean everything to me and the wedding day was the proof that I had done things right and was loved, emotions aren't always so open are they, specially by sons! I hope they will be having babies soon but I certainly wouldn't have to say that as I would be in trouble! I feel a little better with the comments from the lovely girls that I have talked to today and if anyone else is feeling the same, please join in, it helps to know that people understand and care. You all deserve perfect weddings for being so kind.xx

  • Hi to my friends on here,

    wedding day + 5days and am feeling a bit better, no tears today. Have asked my daughter to e-mail me some of the pictures she took and am looking forward to looking at those and re-living the day a bit. I'm also hoping to show them to friends to recount the day. I think talking to you all yesterday and your comments certainly helped me and given a few more days I think I can just start to look back at the day with pleasure. Thank youx

  • Excellent news - glad things are looking up!

  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    Really glad to hear you're feeling better image xx

  • HI Mary,

    Thank you so much for your kind words. It has been extremely upsetting as I have always had a very odd relationship with my parents and theyve never really supported me at any point- e.g.only visitng me twice in three years at uni whilst I was studying to be a solicitor.  Since qualifying they've been in and out of my life really but I did hold out some hope that my mum would step up and be there for me during the wedding.  But I suppose I can't miss what i've never had!!

    Planning wise I have had the most amazing bridesmaids and they have completely made up for any 'missing out' feelings I may have had. We are all there really (seems odd saying that!) Were having a wedding in the Lake District where we live at Armathwaite Hall and the 'theme' is ivory, latte and pears- flowers are calla lillies and orchids and I hope it's all going to look very chic!

    Anyways, I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better and I think your plan is a good one! You are such a lovely lady and I am positive you will certainly be able to look back on what a gorgeous day you all had. image Hugs xx

  • * pearls!

  • I second Mrs McManus 2b, my mum has no interest either. I have got my dress fitting tomorrow and have no one coming with me. I know this sounds very ungrateful but she has not contributed anything to my dress, everyone who I have spoken to has been shocked that she hasn't actually done anything. 

    My mum has not been interested at all and has just criticised everything we have done from finding a good price for a cake (she is paying for that begrudgingly) to getting a good deal on the flowers. I have had to remind her to say thank you to the OOH's parents as they are paying for most of the day (this was met with 'am I supposed to grovel?!'

    Please can you be my mum too?!!!image

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