Guest list issues - sympathy needed!!!

Hi all,

The save the dates have arrived and I should be super excited to send them out instead I have a horrible fear of argument looming over me : (

Is anyone else having issues with their Mum and guests lists? I get she is proud and in her words "wants to show us off" but I feel she is being unreasonable in her demands of who I should invite to the day and evening (including relatives who we don't ever see or actually like buts its a wedding so they should be invited)

I have broached the subject with her a few times and it has always ended in her giving me the disappointed look I use to get when I got caught bunking off school.

I need some sympathy and advice from some other suffering brides!

xxx

 

 

 

Posts

  • I have had some issues when it comes to invites as my H2B wants to invite everyone and keeps asking his parents who they want there. His parents aren't the ones being pushy it's him! My family isn't as big and both parents are contributing so it has been getting on my nerves some what.

    With regards to your Mum. I think if she is contributing to the cost of the wedding then she should have the opportunity to have input on who she would like there. However this does need a limit on it and should fit with your budget etc.

  • My parents have contributed an amount but we will be paying for most of the wedding ourselves.  I have agreed to the majority of the people she wants to come (close friends of hers that I have known since I was little) but its the family members who we never see (and who she regularly bad mouths) and friends she wants to invite "because she was invited to their daughters" that I have an issue with.

    I feel like she is more bothered about who is invited than my actual wedding, she shows no real interest in what we have organised or done so far now she cant have everyone she wants there.

    its a complete nightmare!! 

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    hi katie,

    sorry you're having a nightmare :( i feel compelled to reply because my mum is also wanting her 'posse' to come along to our wedding so i understand your concerns. the issue i have is that my mum wants her friends there as her entertainment - my parents are divorced - but H2B and i feel it isn't fair on my dad (who hated these friends, even when they were married!).

    what we're doing, and i'm not sure whether this will work for you, is extending an evening invite to these friends. that way they are getting an 'invite', but won't be there for the important stuff. we have told our parents that we aren't comfortable having people who we don't interact with at our wedding ceremony. the only thing i would say that i understand from your mum's perspective is that you can't really ignore family members, especially if they have previously invited your parents to their weddings. we have had to invite a few of my OH's relatives who he never sees or hears from for this reason, but we think that if they show no interest in us, they may not bother coming to the wedding! it's a courtesy thing really. also, as awful as it sounds, i won't really be paying much attention to them at my wedding - the people i love will get my time!

    i know your mum gives you a 'look' that pulls at your heart strings, but ultimately, this is your wedding! i am extremely close to both my parents, but pulling the 'we have to think how (my H2B) feels about them being there too' card, has appeased my mum enough - hopefully it will stay that way! i hope this might help, but perhaps reminding your mum that there are two families in this may give her a reality check. 

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 270 New bride

    If the parents of the bride are hosting the wedding (i.e paying for the reception) it is normal for them to invite any friends and relatives they want. Even ones the bride hasn't met.

    The invitations will go out from them e.g Mr and Mrs Smith invite you to the wedding of their daughter...

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I empathize, but remember, when you accept money from parents (or any other relatives) for your wedding, they definitely feel as though they have a "say" in things...sometimes it's a disproportionate say to what they've contributed monetarily! 

    Assuming it isn't someone you absolutely hate, and as long as she isn't looking to invite so many people that it financially inconveniences you, I'd be agreeable and let her invite them. So what if she bad-mouths them?  What's it to you? You won't be paying any attention to people less than ultra-important on your big day anyway, because the day is going to fly by and you simply won't have the time. Besides, these relatives may be wiser than you think, and may be aware of her low opinion of them...and may decline the invitation. 

    It's probably just not worth the fight. Roll your eyes, invite them, and move on to planning the items you enjoy.

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    We have paid for our wedding all ourselves but I still ended up inviting a couple of my parents' friends This is because my dad has been really quite unwell for the last year and I thought it would be nice to invite the ones who have been supportive.

    You have two choices - let your mum invite a couple of friends, but tell her you need to limit numbers, or tell her that she can't invite anyone. I suppose it depends on how much you don't want to potentially argue over it. I would personally say no to inviting anyone that you don't ever see or like, because that seems a step too far.

  • Hayley217Hayley217 Posts: 29

    My mom and dad aren't paying for any of the wedding, but I've been having guest list issues as well. We're only having a small ceremony with siblings and their partners, parents and grandparents. I wanted to invite one of my cousins to the evening as I am quite close with her and always have a laugh, but then I know that my other cousins will get offended if I do not invite them too, even though we don't talk at all. I figured that I'll just invited them for arguments sake, for the evening do. These are on My moms side though, and the cousins from my dad's side, I do NOT want to invite. They are all nuts and I know they would just ruin the day by saying the wrong thing, getting in fights and getting drunk. 

    My point is, sometimes you have to make sacrifices to keep the piece, but at the end of the day, it's all your choice who you invite or don't invite. 

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    This is two years old!

  • Hayley217Hayley217 Posts: 29

    I really need to check these things 🙈

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    What can I say 'It's you're wedding!!' 

    Invite who you want, tell them it's your and your fiancés wedding and you only want people there that still make an effort with you.

    ignore that - old thread

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455
    Hayley217 wrote (see post):

    I really need to check these things 🙈

    Not sure how you're finding these old threads? There's been quite a few now.

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