Mother has no emotion about my wedding

hey all

My mother and I have always been close, she adores my H2B so there are no problems there. Ever since I have been planning the wedding and trying to get her ideas, she completely shuts off and doesn't seem interested, with simple yes and no answers.

I found my dress online and I absolutely love it, its beautiful. When she came over and helped me put it on, all she said was it's nice... maybe I was expecting a little more emotion? It's made me doubt my dress even though ive put it on a few more times since and just adore it. 

Recently she has been saying I'm inconciderate when I don't want her type of music played and we haven't spoken since.

There is a big family feud between my mum, dad and his partner, and my sisters have decided not to attend due to my dad and partner being there. I feel this whole wedding will be a shambles. 

Anyone else had these problems, any advice or experiences would be lovely. 

 

 

 

Posts

  • Some people just aren't wedding people and don't see what all the fuss is about. In my parents day, weddings were much lower key than they are now, so I think the way I think about weddings is very different from how they see it. So maybe she just isn't that interested in the details- not in a bad way, just in a she's happy to turn up and enjoy the day kind of way? Or maybe there's something more going on. If there's difficulties in the family, maybe she's worried about that. Or maybe she's worried about cost, or any other number of things. Can you talk to her about it?

    I'd also add that I don't think dress shopping is emotional at all. I know some people do, but I really wouldn't get upset because she wasn't emotional about the dress. I think the movies and wedding shows make us think wedding dresses should make everyone cry, which I really don't think is a reflection of how most people are in real life!

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    I agree with OKCharlie on nearly every point - but most of all on her point to ask if it's bothering you.  OKCharlie was able to give you multiple speculations as to what the cause could be ranging from it's just her personality, to concerns about family in-fighting. But the only way to really know what's going on in her head is to ask.

     

  • Maybe she is being conscious of the fact that many brides complain about their mothers being overbearing and therefore she has decided to take a step back? That's the impression I got from it anyway - maybe it could be as simple as what the above have suggested and she's not a fan of the whole wedding malarky so she doesnt know how to show emotion 

  • You poor thing, it sounds like the family politics you are dealing with are really difficult. Could she maybe be nervous about the day due to your dad and his partner? I definitely agree to ask her what is wrong and tell her how you are feeling. I very much doubt it is her intention to make you feel she is not bothered x 

  • Hayley217Hayley217 Posts: 29

    I think that maybe your mom is nervous about seeing your dad and his partner, but unlike your sisters, (are you cool with them not coming? I think I'd be furious at them still) your her daughter so she can't just NOT come to your wedding. 

    I'm struggling with my mom not being excited for me as well, I think it may either be because she's worried how much I'm spending on it, or that she is disappointed she isn't in the position to be able to help with any of it.  It's either that or she's just feeling like I'm growing up and I'm not going to need her anymore. Could it be anything like that with you? 

  • Bloody families !!! 

    Weddings bring the worst out in people. I'm June 2018. And have been planning it since September 2016. 

    Every problem with family i have came across i got all upset and stressed out over it... similar to u... divorced parents- new partners etc.

    You need to learn to switch your emotions off. If all these people love and care for you this much. They will have to suck it up and be there for you on YOUR day and just sit with a smile for a few hours. 

    I hope you feel better soon. Nothing worse when you should be all happy planning a wedding and other people bring u down. 

    Xxx

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    There seems to be a lot of family politics around at the minute... People can't seem to focus on the fact it's your and your fiancés day - which is sad and upsetting.

    My advice - send the invites out and explain you don't want any hassle, that you just want a nice day.  Leave it at that... If they don't come - they don't come, it will be their loss... Not yours. X

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