Mum won't come to the wedding!

Hello

My fiancee and I have been together for 5 years, lived together for over a year, been engaged for 2 years in January,  and are getting married on Friday 11th August 2017. We haven't ever got married before so everything was new for us. We went to look at the Church we knew we wanted to get married at and booked the date. We then went to see a few potential wedding venues and picked and booked one! 

It then came to telling our parents, his parents were over the moon, whereas mine have taken it very badly. 

My Mum and Dad didn't speak to me for about 3 months, and said that they felt that we weren't involving them. I have apologised but they now refuse to talk about it, unless it is an argument. 

I only have a small family, whereas my fiancées has a larger family - I can see how this could be an issue, but we did consider this. It doesn't help as my parents have only ever met up with his parents once, as they have been very stubborn throughout our relationship. At one point, they said they wouldn't be coming at all! 

We cancelled our wedding reception, and have now booked it again, but my Mum is refusing to come wedding dress shopping or do anything to do with the wedding full stop. 

I know it probably sounds harsh, but I am not cancelling it, as they are doing it for attention and I know it. They don't work properly and have nothing better to gossip about, however it leaves me feeling very torn. 

Has anyone had a similar situation, and what did you do please? 

Thanks

Charlotte 

Posts

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    Mine is being a bit of a pain at the moment, she doesn't mention the wedding at all and if I do she changes the subject.

    First thing she said when I mentioned it was 'how you going to afford that?'

    She demanded that I grow my hair for the wedding - I said no.

    She moaned because of where we have chosen and how she is going to get there.

    She hasn't even given us an engagement card.

     

     

     

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    Charlotte, I really feel for you. Your parents are being completely selfish. It's a shame they can't see that. It sounds very childish of them.

    I don't really have any advice as I haven't been in this position but can you involve your friends instead in the planning? I would just carry on as normal, and invite your mum to any dress appointments etc. She will regret not going but if she chooses not to there isn't much you can do. Just try and enjoy it as best you can.

    I am hoping that things change for you as the wedding gets closer and that they realise how ridiculous they are being.

  • Sorry for what you're going through Charlotte.

    I would suggest the same as Bella, invite her to things if you want to and try and get her involved if that's what you want, and if she still turns the other way at least you've tried and you're being the bigger person. 

    I'm having similar issues with my MIL2B. She has made comments in the past to my mum about how we're affording our wedding, why we're doing the things we're doing and just generally uninterested and rude. I put out an olive branch to invite her to have her hair and make up done which she accepted but hasn't thanked me, just said "oh righy" when I confirmed with her I'd added her to the list. 

    I think part of the reason she's put out is that she doesn't do socialising, she never gets dressed up and she's genuinely worried about what she is going to wear/hair/make up (although I should have allayed the hair and make up fears). Could any of this be an issue with your parents as you said they hardly work, so maybe they're worried about the financial aspect and this is how it's coming out? 

    I know it's easier said than done, but try not let this ruin your planning/day. They'll get over it and its about you and your H2B, not them. 

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