Mother of the bride wearing black?

Okay, hoping I don't sound a massive bridezilla by this post but here goes ...


So we are in the fairly early stages of wedding planning and I was having a conversation with my mother about the wedding. Just for some background my mother dresses 'alternatively, shall we say or in her words 'gothic'. So my mother told me yesterday that she is going to wear all black to the wedding and needs to find a gothic hat. Am I being out of order by not wanting her to wear black to my summer wedding and am I being a  total bridezilla by asking her not to wear black?


our wedding will be in the summer and I am planning on going for dusty pink bridesmaid dresses or similar and the venue is very light so feel like black is just going to be inappropriate 😞




  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    As tricky as it is I don't think you can dictate what your Mum is going to wear to the wedding. I think that as she always dresses in a gothic style then that is her and you can't change that. I'd just put up with it even though you don't like it and then buy her a beautiful corsage to wear in your wedding colours which might help a little.

  • Traditionally wearing black to a wedding was a sign that you didn't approve of the marriage. Personally I wouldn't ever wear black (it's the same as white in my eyes), but a lot of women do and it can look very chic.

    I think Tanya's right, if that's your mum's style then you probably have to let it go. If it is super bothering you then maybe mention the above tradition and see if she'd consider navy? That's a bit softer but still close to her normal look.

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    You could go shopping together and suggest things but I would tread carefully.

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    She can go gothic alternative without it being black, what about purple light grey or red even?  Does she like steam punk ?  maybe mix black with baby pink to break it up or wear baby pink with black accessories.  

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride

    I don't think it's out of order to not want her wearing black to a summer wedding. I would look at someone completely gone out if they turned up to my August wedding in black (suits aside, of course!). It'll be like 'spot the odd one out' if you have group photos printed.

    Surely there are other colours she could wear that she would still feel comfortable in or would still express some of her personal style but that aren't so harsh?! I feel like there must be some room for compromise here. Be it navy, purple or grey like others have suggested.

    I'd take others advice and tread carefully though. But you know your mum and how she'll react best. My mum would call me a little shit and then do what I asked ;)

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    I may be the minority as I was a teenage goth and went to a first communion, with my partner at the time, for his little sister. His family were strict catholic but were pretty supportive of my dress style. I wore a black dress but spiced it up a bit with bright pink high lights and incorporated in to my dress. 

    If someone has a certain style you can't dictate what they wear. Just maybe suggest ways of incorporating your theme in to it. 

    I'd rather someone feels comfortable, than wearing something that just doesn't reflect them. If that makes sense? 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Well said dora. 



  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,486 New bride

    My Mum wore a stunning black dress to my sister's August wedding. She teamed it with a bright pink jacket and hat and it looked brilliant. Maybe suggest she adds a bit of colour somewhere?

  • MrsNolanMrsNolan Posts: 683 New bride

    I think you need to see the dress.

    I think a black dress can be classy and elegant and shouldn't be a problem if chosen conscientiously.

    However if the black dress is a very goth piece with corsetting, velvet etc or in s steam punk kinda style I would say that is not appropriate.

    I respect that everyone has their tastes when it comes to clothing but people should always dress appropriately for the occasion. I live in baggy jeans and check shirts, that's what I'm comfortable in, but I'd never wear a check shirts dress to a wedding as it's just not appropriate.

    You can add subtle hints of your style to as outfit without going over the top.

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