I miss my Mum :-(

My Mum passed away 7yrs ago when I was 17. It's now 6wks till the Wedding and I've never missed her so much as I do at the moment.

I think of all the things we should be doing and I'm so angry that she isn't here to do them. She would have been so giddy about the Wedding, dresses, flowers etc.

The saddiest thing that upsets me the most is she only met h2b 2 times and she was so drugged up at the hospital she never really got chance to speak to him or even see what he looked like.

I know she will the there on the day watching over me but I just know that I am going to find it so hard especially when I;m all dressed and ready to go to the church and at the speeches, the moment someone mentions her (and I know my Dad will for sure) I don't know if I will be able to stop crying!

Wasn;t really looking for any replies just wanted to get it down in writing how sad I feel without her.

Just realised this may have been better posted in Emotional support but never mind too late!


  • Lil_DeeukLil_Deeuk Posts: 256
    There was a post in thie forum not too long ago Mrs L 2 be, where a few of us were able to express how we felt about not having our mum with us at this special time in our lives.

    You're not alone, and sadly, this is something that will always affect many brides, due to the unfair nature of this life. I'm lucky, as I firmly believe that my mum will be with me throughout the day. That doesn't mean to say I haven't shed a tear whilst choosing my dress, flowers etc. but I try and focus on the comfort that her looking down on me gives me.

    I truly believe that your mum is watching over you now, and will be with you throughout your day - and don't worry, she will know that your H2B is wonderful man.....he's made you happy, and that's all she would ever have wanted !!

    (((HUGS))) LD x
  • sueian3sueian3 Posts: 938
    Mrs L 2Be

    I know exactly how you feel as My Mam passed away in February last year and my Dad 15 years ago in June. We are getting married on what would have been my parents Golden Wedding Anniversary.

    I thought I was doing really well but have been very tearful recently, went to take some flowers to the cemetery today and sat there sobbing for ages.

    H2B keeps on at me to try and include his Mam in the plans and the little jobs to do but I really don't feel like doing so. My Mam is not here and I really don't want anyone else as it would be like taking her place and no-one could ever do that.

    It stresses me out when other B2B moan about their Mams as I could just shake them and say "at least you have yours" but then I think, well it's not their fault.

    I know my Mam will be there in spirit, as will my Dad but what would you give to have them there for real!
    to another mrs l 2b both my parents ahve passed away i was closer to my dad so on my wedding day i am having his and my fiances dad pictures in heart shaped frames on the table watching over us as we get married i know that i will be thinking of them and that they will be watching over us hope this helps a little its been 15 years but it seems like yesterday kindest regards donna
  • zepherukzepheruk Posts: 436

    Your thread made me sad, although i have both parents i understand it would be dreadfull not to have them at the wedding, and i agree its awfull so many people moaning about their parents, people should enjoy them and take them for what they are x
  • twinkle195twinkle195 Posts: 377
    My Mum died when I was 10. I've tried to push my feelings to the back of my mind during the preparations but I'm the same as you; know I will be very emotional on the day. I'm very lucky as I have a lovely mil2b who helped me pick and paid for my dress but it's not the same. I also like to think she'll be watching somewhere and would be proud of me xxx
  • Susan1ukSusan1uk Posts: 16
    Hi Mrs L 2b,

    I know exactly how you feel, I lost my Mum to ovarian cancer 2 and a half years ago. With only 1 week to go till the big day, I'm finding it more and more difficult as the day draws closer.

    Last week was a particularly bad weekend and I just felt so low. But as I was laying in the garden thinking about my mum, a white feather floated down and landed on my top! She obviously just wanted to reassure me that although I can't see her, she is always with me and will be on the big day too.

  • baby-babybaby-baby Posts: 1,877
    I can understand what you are going through. My mum died 13 years ago when I was only 12. We are getting married in August 2010 but I already find myself getting upset at things and I konow it will only get worse the closer it gets. We have lots of things planned for us to remeber mum on the day, but they are are small things that only imediate family will know about and understand so that hopefully I won't get too upset.

    Last Sunday I went to the first wedding since we got engaged and at the end of the night I got really upset as the brides mum looked fantastic and had such a great day that i fel it wasn't fair that mum couldn't be at mine. I know she's watching me make all my preperations and will be there on the day.

  • mrshelen74mrshelen74 Posts: 9,282
    hi, im from the gretna thread, how u doing.

    Replying to your question i lost my dad 15 yars ago and my hubby didnt reall knew him too. And last year when we were getting married in the planning stages, i thought about him more, as i knew he would be so proud of my walking down the aisle and getting married. I also thoguht about my mam a lot more, and how she would be feeling on the day. Weddings especially ur own are a mixture of emotions, happy and sad, especially if people you dearly love arent there. I did a speech at our recpetion to remember my dad.

  • KentknockoutKentknockout Posts: 254
    Hi i am in a diffrent situation to you all as my mum is alive however she became a drug addict when i was 12 - so in a way its like the mum i know and loved is dead.

    I have not had contact with her for a couple of years now as could not deal with the heartache that she causes.

    I did txt and tell her i was engaged and she can come if she is drug free however there is no change and she wont change now it breaks my heart that she does not love me enough to stop taking drugs and be part of my big day.

    I do find it really upsetting when i hear other ppl complaining about their mums they just dont know how lucky they are to have a mum to go dress shopping with and plan a wedding with.

    My heart goes out to you all and i am sure your mums will all be watching over you on ur special days.
  • MummyR2BMummyR2B Posts: 169
    Its so heart breaking as the MOB is such a major part of the day. My mum was killed nearly 2 years ago by her partner and he didnt get charged or anything so not really had much closure after alot of years of her being in a violent relationship and then her sudden and tragic death. My Aunt (mums sister) is my rock and will be my surrogate MOB but it just isn''t the same as my mum was the life and soul and loved fashion and I am dreading dress shopping with out her.

    We're having a photo of her on my Grandparents table that was taken at my Aunts wedding in which she's all dressed up with a massive smile on her face and a glass off wine in hand!! Seems fitting. We're also releasing balloons or having lanterns at the end of the night in her honour.

    Its also H2B's job to mention her as my dad and her split and I wouldnt feel comfortable with him talking about her, he's going to find it really hard as he was devastated when she died and finds it hard to talk about her on a day-to-day basis never mind on a occasion such as this.

    I'm sure all your mum's will be really proud of you all. Good luck to you all and I hope everything goes smoothly for you all on the day.
  • I'm with you all on not having your mum there on the day, I lost my mum 2 and a 1/2 years ago and I still miss her every single day. I was lucky in that she met h2b before she died and decided she wanted to marry him to keep him in the family. Dad says he will make that fact the first line in his speech. I would have loved to plan the day with her but instead I've found ways to include her. We've found a caterer who is prepared to make pudding to her recipe and I'm going to toast her at the reception. Not sure if it will make me cry, I have a feeling it will.

    I think all our mums would be dead proud of us for getting married to the men we love and will be there somehow, somewhere, toasting us with a glass of bubbly.
  • deniseoukdeniseouk Posts: 1,920
    I really feel for everyone who won't have their Mams their with them on the day.

    My Mam passed away nearly 17yrs ago, and my Dad a year past January.

    I'm finding a lot of the planning really hard with having neither of them there. I'm getting so mad with mil2b being a pain and really feel like telling her 2 GTF....I won't be giving presents out at the wedding, and only having h2b and i in the receiving line. I feel really funny about certain aspects of the wedding and try to kick myself at times and say they will both be there for my on the day even.

    Think we all need to be strong x
  • KathrybaKathryba Posts: 189
    Hi Everyone,

    It;s no nice to know that's I'm not the only one as sometimes it really feels like I am.

    MrsRoden2b - I feel so sad reading your post, I can't beleive that you didn't get the justice your Mum deserved!

    amy_s2bmrs6 - My mother actually died of cancer however she was an alcoholic since I I was 11 and suffered with very bad mental health problems so it has been a long time since I have really had her here so I can emagine how you feel as alcohol is also a drug that people find very difficult to stop.

    I said some awful things to my Mum when she was alive and I think that is one of the reasons I feel so bad, if I only got to say sorry before she passed away! I just emagine that whever her spirit is now she is happy, sober and having a toast for me on the wedding day (with orange juice of course!!)

  • beckyyyxxxbeckyyyxxx Posts: 1,102
    Thankfully my mum is here. (although she is a pain sometimes lol) 12 years ago my best friends mum died (we were 15) she was like a 2nd mum and i would always call her mum, whenever i had a problem at home i would always run to Vicky, i was devastated when she died as it was a tragic accident (she fell down the staires) and nearly everyday i think of her and wish she was still here. Her daughter an i are still best friends she is infact my MOH but it saddens me when i think her mum will not be there to share my special day. The last time i saw her we had abit of a dissagreement because she didnt aprove of my boyfriend at the time (who i later went on to have 2 children with) and i left her house with her crying and her telling me to be carefull....i feel really guilty when i think of the last time we spoke but i have told her in my thoughts how much she meant to me and how much i miss her.

    I know she will be there in spirit and the morning of the wedding i will take my best friend into a seperate room, just the 2 of us and just talk about her and have a little "vicky moment" for a few minutes just to include her in our day. I was going to write a poem and read it when they do the speeches but then i thought if i do that then i shud also do it for my niece, stepfather and aunty who have passed away and the speeches would go on all night so i think this will be the best thing to do. Good luck and just remember it is normal for these feelings to arise at such a crucial time in your life. Good luck xx
  • GroomsmumukGroomsmumuk Posts: 81
    I'm so sorry for all of you who are planning your wedding without your Mum. Of course you will miss her, because it's such an important time in your life. You will also miss her when your babies are born, and when they take their first step, say their first word, start school - and so on. I'm old enough to be your mother, but I still miss my Mum and Dad every day. Don't forget that what your mum would have wanted for you was for you to be happy and to be loved. As somebody once said: "Cry if you must, parting is hell, but life goes on, so sing as well". Have a wonderful wedding, and remember that your mum will always be a part of you.
  • Lil_DeeukLil_Deeuk Posts: 256
    Groomsmum, thank you for you kind words, coming from a mum that really does mean something !! *Hug*

    Ladies - I'm still missing my mum every day, but this thread has let me know that I am not alone in feeling the way I do - and somehow has given me a little more strength.

    Thank you all for sharing. *Group Hug* and a huge dose of Good Luck to you all with your weddings !
  • yagalabyyagalaby Posts: 3,545
    I don't think I have ever been so moved by a thread before. Ladies, I wish you all the best for your weddings. You all sounds like you're being watched and loved from afar, and making your mothers and fathers incredibly proud.

    All the best for your weddings

  • KathrybaKathryba Posts: 189
    A friend of mine once said that everytime you dream about someone you have lost they have visited you.

    I don't often dream about my Mum but I did last night and I thought I would share it with you.

    When she passed away she was very thin and looked so ill. In my dream she was in the white nightie that she was wearing at the hospital the last time I saw her, she came over to me and we started to dance. I felt like a little kid again, so safe and happy without a care in the world. When I looked at her while we were dancing she didn't look ill or thin. She looked beautiful, just how she used to look when I was a child. We didn't say anything, just dancing around, spinning in a circle and laughing so much. It was lovely !

    If what my friend said was true then she must have known I was sad and in-need of a visit as I feel so much better now x
  • kazzy47kazzy47 Posts: 264
    h2b and i are getting married in 65 days time i am his 1st and only b2b so he says, sadley we lost his mum 22nd may, has h2b is the youngest of all his brothers and sisters his mum hasnt lived to see her baby get married, which she thought he would never get married thats until he met me, this is my second marriage, we are in our 40s but its still his mum and we are both very sad. so b2b just bite your tongues and count to 10 least most of us have our mums
  • Mrs-McG-2bMrs-McG-2b Posts: 471
    hi ive just stumbled onto this thread after pressing the wrong button but im so glad i did

    my mum died really suddenly after an epileptic fit 6 weeks ago and its killing me continuing with my preparations without her.

    ive got some really nice ways to include her in my day though

    she got remarried last july (yes she died after just 9 months of marriage) and her 'something borrowed' was a necklace of mine luckily it matches my colour scheme so im wearing that, she also had an artificial bouquet so i will also be using that.

    she actually picked out my dress in january so its nice that she got the chance to do that for me. i feel like im rambling on and people are going to think im looking for sympathy (im not) it just makes me feel better to be able to talk about her and realise shes still a big part of my wedding
  • KentknockoutKentknockout Posts: 254
    Oh i am so so sorry for your loss. I am sure your mum will be with you on day and even in run up. You don't seem like your ranting at all - you sound like an amzing person and your mum is going to be a massive part of your day xxx
  • KathrybaKathryba Posts: 189
    I'm also including my mum in my special day, I have something old of hers. It's a charm from a braclet she got as a wedding present from my dad, I have attached this to my flowers.

  • mrshelen74mrshelen74 Posts: 9,282
    Hi there, just wondering how ur plans r going as its only 2 weeks, and ive not seen u on hte june 08 thread for a while. Just hope ur ok

  • blondiecocoukblondiecocouk Posts: 4,619
    i am very fortunate as i still have both my lovely parents in my life. but i just want to send you the biggest hugs possible, i know it wont bring your parents back or make you feel better but i dont know what to say. all of your parents will be with you on the biggest day of your lives! xox
  • Mrs-McG-2bMrs-McG-2b Posts: 471
    hi every thin i do for the wedding at the moment is reminding me of mum we have very similar tastes so every time i buy or book something it makes me think of how much she would have enjoyed being here with me bit stupid but needed to say it xxx
  • Jolou68Jolou68 Posts: 11
    I lost my mum too in April just 8 weeks after being diagnoised with ovarian cancer and we are due to get married in August in the same church as she is buried.

    It is so hard to understand whether I am doing the right thing and carrying on with the day that she had planned for me as ,y family really arent being too supportive at the moment saying I shouldnt be doing it.

    It's the biggest day in a girls life and all I want is my mum
  • Mrs-McG-2bMrs-McG-2b Posts: 471
    im really sorry for your loss ((((((HUG))))))

    i think its completely up to you as to whether you continue with your wedding

    after your mums illness was diagnosed did she say anything about your wedding....what would she want you to do?

    just remember its your day and its not up to your family if you still want to marry the man of your dreams in august then do it!!!

    if you were to postpone the wedding whenever you come back to start planning its still going to be just as hard, just read through this thread and you will find b2b's who lost their mums years ago and it still really hurts.

    as you said every girl wants her mum with them on their wedding day but all of the decisions are yours just think about what you and your h2b want and what your mum would want for you and dont even think about what everyone else thinks

    there are so many ways you can include your mum in your day

    if you do go ahead stay on this thread we are all here to support each other xxx
  • Jolou68Jolou68 Posts: 11
    Thank you for your support

    we are going to go ahead I know in my heart its what mum would have wanted for us both.

    Mum and I did talk about the wedding while she was poorly and of course she was really upset that she wasnt going to be there to see her little girl get married and she kept saying she was letting me down which couldnt have been further from the truth. I was still beleiving hoping praying that she was going to make it and beat the cancer and now I realise just how much of a fight she must have been having because I know my mum would have done anything she could of to have been at my side. I found a little poem today and not sure whether I should have it printed on the last page of the order of service or just have it on the flowers on the grave....

    Although we can't see you

    We know you are here

    Smiling down

    Watching over us

    As we say "I Do"

    Forever in our hearts

    Forever in our lives

    And as we say our vows

    In loving memory of you.
  • KentknockoutKentknockout Posts: 254
    That poem is so beautiful i think that would be lovely on your order of service as its including you mum in day.

    Your mum sounds like a very special person as its seems amazing even when she was unwell she was still very concerned about you.

    I am sure she will be watching over you on your wedding day and be extremly proud of you xxxx
  • excitedgirlexcitedgirl Posts: 356
    I think this thread should be permanently at the top of the list to remind people how lucky they are to have their family around them, even if they can be irritating. Love and hugs to all of you, I hope you all have beautiful weddings that would have made your parents proud. xxx
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