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Why do I feel so negatively about my wedding day? ;'o(



  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402 New bride
    Thank you natz, that's good advice. I'll have a serious think about the friendship. I don't want to lose the friendship as I've never felt as close to any other friend, but I do think I should distance myself.

    It seems she became more distant once she started her relationship with her boyfriend, which I find hard to understand, because nothing ever changed when she was in previous relationships (admittedly they weren't as long lasting or as good as this one) and because nothing changed when I started my relationship with my now hubby - i still always thought of her and contacted her often. Though she said nothing changed for her in the way she viewed our friendship when she started her relationship. I feel sorry for her really - it seems she is putting all her efforts into her relationship (and it's not new anymore) and not much into our friendship, yet she doesn't have many other friends.

    Maybe she just doesn't see a wedding day and the planning in the same way I did, and it remains to be seen whether she will be the same as i was when she comes to start planning her wedding. In which case, maybe she just didn't understand how important it was for me to share everything with her and how much it hurt when she didn't show much of an interest, and so maybe I should just forgive that and move on.

    It does seem a bit odd though, that she lost two friendships after weddings! When we were at uni about 10 years ago, one of her close friends was due to get married and she was bridesmaid. In the months running up to the wedding, this friend started distancing herself from my friend; the wedding was a couple of months after we finished uni and they didn't speak to each other in that time, so it was really awkward for my friend to be this girl's bridesmaid. After the wedding, they never spoke again. Then, a few years ago, her close friend from school got married. My friend was her bridesmaid and said she didn't enjoy it because she was running around doing things all day, which is why I made sure I didn't give her much to do. After the wedding, whenever my friend tried to contact her newly married friend, she didn't answer the phone or return her calls. Their friendship ended there. It seems a bit odd, though I'm sure it's just coincidence!

    Clayrebear - thank you for sharing your experiences - I am so sorry to hear how bad things were and still are for you. I hope the counselling helps. Once or twice I have thought about going to the Dr. I suffered from depression when I was younger and it doesn't take much to get me feeling down. One thing I hate about myself and which is probably why I feel this way about the wedding, is the way I always focus intensely (obsessively?!) on little things, worry about little things and have these thigs going round and round in my head, driving me mad! I know it is a fault of mine, but don't seem to be able to change!

    Hope you start to feel better soon, Clayrebear. HUGS xx
  • clayrebearclayrebear Posts: 2,481
    Thanks for the kind words Froogies. On another note, I have found that me and hubby have wanted to just spend time together, for one we are newlyweds and want to spend quality time together, and also being skint after the wedding are keeping to ourselves to save money.

    However we have found that friends and family have started getting really demanding in terms of moaning they never see us. Its really difficult and we try to see as much of people as we can.

    We also got to a point we were fed up of chasing friends to arrnage meeting up, to get let down.. one of my best mates had a right go at me other day saying our relationship had changed since I'd got with hubby, she seemed far too posessive.

    Sometimes you really can't please everyone, just look after people closest to you.. try and forgett the silly little niggles and look to a happy future.. easier said than done. I'm really looking forward to my first christmas with my hubby.. image HUGS to you too. X
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402 New bride
    Thanks, Clayrebear, good advice. Hope you enjoy your Christmas - I am also looking to our first Christmas as a married couple!
  • vickih2008vickih2008 Posts: 1,178
    oh my god i am so sorry you feel this way but i am pleased you posted. I feel exactly the same about lots of stuff and i cry a lot. The little things aren't important and we all know that it's about us getting married to the one we love but when you plan every detail and see things happening a certain way, if they this is obviously going to happen. I also feel a sense of loss that the wedding planning is over and i think that's why i am being wound up by everything and feeling down.

    I look back, and did from the morning after, as it were and thought oh crap we haven't got a photo of al the ushers together with husband and best man, i haven't got an individual pic of me with each bridesmaid. I had a fab day, don't get me wrong as NONE of this bothered me on the day but i had a rubbish night the night before, not coz i was nervous but coz people were doing my head in and everyone was more stressed than me and this annoyed me. Also on the day i didn't get a pic with my mum, dad and brother together, yes on bigger family photos but still. Also i forgot my bolero shrug thing, the cd during the meal played that i had spent loads of time on was the 2nd cd and not my favourite, but guests were so happy and chatting i didn't say anything. Also the guest book did,'t get signed much, my CB did her best and was wonderful the whole day and the 2 years leading up to the wedding she could not have tried harder and been more enthusiastic. My other 3 bridesmaids were not enthusiastic at all, it seemed like it was just another day for them, i could not understand this at all.

    But, the conclusions that i am finally, well almost coming round to is that:

    me and husband are married!!!!

    so many guests said i looked beautiful and then said, no, i know everyone says that but you actually do!

    so many guests said it was the best wedding they'd been to, everything was planned down to the littlest detail and they were jealous there's wasn't like that or isn't going to be.

    and that i have a wonderful collection of photos and a dvd slideshow of the day, alongside friends and damily photos

    the other things don't really matter and i know it may not help you much but i realised that non of these things bothered me on the day. the guest book didn't get signed coz i was having such a lovely time that it didn't even occur to me that i had a guest book! it would have helped if three of the bridesmaids had actually said do you need anything doing? and then i would have said yes, get people to sign the guest book!!!!

    it is annoying when things don't go exactly to plan, just wish i'd thought about how bad i'd feel afterwards!

    hope u feel better soon and i know my ramblings won't have helped!

    lots of love xxx
  • vickih2008vickih2008 Posts: 1,178
    oh!!!! and the vicar never said you may kiss the bride! so we did a fake things after with the photographer! and the organist messed the hymns up a bit and we went upstairs to have a rest for 15mins, came back down and the guests had been ushered into the evening room without us even seeing it! i mean WTF?!!!! sorry i knew when i found a post like this i'd rant! x
  • vickih2008vickih2008 Posts: 1,178
    oh and clayrebear that's a good point about the first xmas with hubby, i was thinking that too. something to look forward to, that's all we need, i think we all underestimate how much we were looking forward to the wedding. it is only natural to be down afterwards.

    p.s. if anyone wants to make me feel better, comment on my pics lol! and froogies, maybe some pretty pics of u would help? image))))
  • clayrebearclayrebear Posts: 2,481
    Where are your pics?? Maybe do a trash or cherish the dress shoot. I did one and it was a brillaint experience and really helped me get over the wedding and was lovely to wear my dress again! Do it! I put some photos on newly weds a bit ago.

    Also just look forward to planning something else, we have put planning a family, moving and getting new jobs as its not the right time and financilally struggling, however I'm thinking about where we can go for our first wedding anniversary.. Yay!!

    Just try and think happy thoughts and remember you have married your dream man and try not to get down!! Maybe fill the guest book with a collage of bits from your wedding, favours, ribbon, flower pressings, honeymoon pics, readings etc.. somethign else to keep you occupied. Hope that helps XXX
  • vickih2008vickih2008 Posts: 1,178
    thank you so much for your message clayrebear

    pics shpould still be on first page of this forum, there's a link to them but you can see some of them better in im getting married in oct 09 thread! will have a look at your yay! i love all photos!

    we think we're going to go back and stay in room we had at venue soon as we didnt get enough time to enjoy it so that will be fun!

    and i will get most people to sign guest book eventually. I have a keepsake box bought for us so i will start on that! yay! i feel better sometimes it's just worse at the moment coz i have swine flu and it spoilt our honeymoon last week so feeling a bit down

  • clayrebearclayrebear Posts: 2,481
    Hugs to you.. get wrapped up, have a hot bath, get a bottle and poorly blanket and watch a good movie, lovely food and a little glass of wine or a cuppa and a hug from hubby always works. XX Enjoy your weekend. XX
  • Hey ladies...I dont really post on here any more but this really struck a cord with me! I had two amazing wedding days (one in Ibiza one here), but I have analysed the hell out of each one and picked fault with so many things from the dress, to my hairstyle, to the budget! I find myself getting really angry that I couldnt afford the big wedding I wanted (even though I earn good money), that my family did NOTHING to help and my mum only showed interest the week before, I even look at other wedding venues to see where else I could have got married! I feel like Im going crazy. The guests at our wedding said it was the best one they'd ever been to, but things like the string trio moving from where I had out them, one of the guests moaning about the food, all these things play on my mind! Also, my mum deleted our wedding dvd my brother had made, by mistake!!! Gutted!!

    Dont get me wrong I am soooooo happy I have married my gorgeous husband! But I dream of doing it all again but differently!! How mad am i???

    I just wanted to say I am glad I am not alone, and one look at my photos makes me feel like I am being silly (even though I dont like me hair/dress), and at the end of the day the reason of the day was to marry the man I love......for those reasons I bring myself back down to earth and try to realise how lucky I am xxxx
  • j

    [Modified by: mrsmartin on November 10, 2009 10:46 AM]

  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402 New bride
    Thanks for your posts, Vicsh Watson - I hope you get better soon! (maybe you already are better at the time I have posted this!)

    Mrs C - thank you for posting - you sound just like me - I am so glad that I am not alone and am actually not going mad because others feel the same! I wish someone had told me prior to the wedding that there was such a thing as post wedding depression. It probably also doesn't help that hubby and I don't get to spend much quality time together ;o(
  • Quoted:

    R's brothers girlfriend refused to wear the buttonhole we'd bought for her and she's got a face on her in all the photos. She also didn't speak to me all day. Also, since the wedding, she's been having digs at me on facebook. For example, she's posted photos of the wedding and theres only one picture that I'm in. And she's posted a comment on that picture saying 'bra strap alert' because you can see my flesh coloured bra strap slightly. That's just one example, there have been loads more.

    Natalie, that is out of order. there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. I stronlgy suggest you either take this girl to task or get your new hubby to do it. That isn't being difficult, she is setting out to embarrass and humiliate you: she is being a bully. Give me her e mail addres I will give her a stern talking to lol But don't put up with that hun,God I know you can't always get on with the new family but that is completely out of order.
  • I enjoyed my day but there were a few things that didn't feel as they should. For example:

    The hairdresser doing my hair was a bit of bitch and didn't listen (or ask) what I wanted, and when she had done tight curls instead of a more relaxed look she walked off and let someone else finish it!

    My dress was way too tight round the top (because they hadn't fitted properly around the waist (too loose) - despite made to measure £2500 price tag) so much so that after dinner sitting down I couldn't breathe! I told them it needed to be tighter around the waist!

    I was late back to the hotel due to the hairdressers taking ages - despite arriving early and had to rush my make up etc. Had my mum flapping everywhere stressing out and shouting at the photographer to go away because it wasn't right that he be there when we were getting ready!

    My fake tan looked horrendous. *shudder*

    My Jimmy Choos hurt like hell all day!

    The florist had put in cream peonies which I had expressly changed a few weeks before to all pink! It was really off-putting as I saw the flowers for the first time walking down the aisle and it distracted me from my vows.

    I couldn't concentrate when I said my vows and said them more like I was delivering a presentation for work (very clear and concise). I was so petrified and embarrassed that I couldn't feel any emotion.

    My favourite aunt didn't look like she enjoyed herself.

    My uncle was being a sex pest to my brother's girlfriend and got really drunk and wouldn't leave!

    I didn't get to speak to a lot of people and ended up getting 'trapped' by parents' friends who I had never met before.

    Husband did not spend a lot of time with me in the evening bit and I kept losing him!

    Gosh - I should stop now.

    Yet, after all those things, hubby and I still felt it was the best day of our lives so far. I think it was never going to be perfect or what you expect, but it was still good in its way. xxx
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402 New bride
    Thank you, hazeybee. Wow, so many people's days aren't perfect , as I see from all the comments on here. it's wrong that the industry makes us believe it should be perfect and that we have to spend a fortune to make it a good day. We went to our first wedding as a married couple at the weekend. it was a nice wedding, but very basic and it made me appreciate all the things we managed to have at our wedding thanks to saving hard and a little help from my mum. Not that those things are what's most important, but they did add to the day to make it more romantic and to help people enjoy themselves more. So i'm glad.
  • StroustrupStroustrup Posts: 2,859

    are you happily married???

  • jules-xjules-x Posts: 458
    Hi Froogies,

    I felt like this about our wedding day for a long time. We got married on 18th July and the hotel totally messed up our meal, so much so that people had to send their meat back!! My parents and hubbys mum all pissed off mid photos so family shots had to be done at hotel when I was supposed to be mingling! We didnt' get a confetti shot, we didn't get a shot of us and all our guests and the champagne went totally to my head and the evening do is a blur! oh and I forgot to mention that the straps on my dress broke and I ended up with it tied in a halter neck! how and ever we have since got our wedding album and the pics are gorge and the grand majority of guests and those that mean the most to me really had a ball. We had a cheesy 70's disco and my pals all loved it, got suitably drunk and some even fell over! teehee.

    You need to deal with this and move on. Talk about it and the moment you admit to feeling this way then you realise and that you are not alone and there are loads and loads of brides out there who feel jus the same. I sometimes still cry, can't bear to look at my dress and veil that I spent so long picking but it was an amazing day, I was exhausted and wanted to stay in bed and things weren't how I expected them to be but it was wonderful, I have a lovely hubby and we have a future together. Please please please smile and be happy to know you are loved and other people feel the same xxxx ; )
  • froogiesfroogies Posts: 402 New bride
    Thanks, mrsjr. It does help to think many other people feel the same and that I am not the only one that cries when I think about the day. Sometimes though I can't work out whether I'm crying due to disappointment or out of happiness!!

    Wow, Cplusplus - what a question! Well, yes I would say I'm happily married, but I'm not happy with my life generally. My husband and I love each other and we sometimes discuss a future with children, which makes me happy. But I'm unhappy in my job - and I'm not the only one - quite a few other people doing the same job as me feel the same. I'm looking but just can't find anything else at the moment. And I'm just bored with my life generally. I never seem to do anything interesting - planning the wedding was the only excitement I had in my life, but now that's over.

    I also wish my husband and I had a better relationship in several ways. We don't spend enough time together; he works shifts, but when we are home together we often watch TV in different rooms as we like to watch different things to unwind after work. This is my fault as much as his; I need to watch my programmes to help me relax and quite frankly am too tired after work to do anything but watch TV and go on the laptop. I just wish we'd snuggle up together and watch it together instead! We don't very often do much together - we don't have any hobbies in common; neither of us has a hobby that we do outside of the house! Sometimes if I suggest a day trip somewhere or just watching a DVD (even of his choice) he declines.

    Another problem is that we don't seem to have a sex life. As time goes on it becomes less and less frequent (not my choice) - every few months. I try to talk about this but he doesn't seem to want to. I've tried to tell him that it makes me feel unfancied and unattractive, which lowers my confidence. I just feel rejected and unwanted. I often feel unappreciated (e.g. having to do things around the house by myself even though we both work full time) and sometimes feel that he gets bored of my company if we're out together and would rather be with his friends. When I talk, it often feels like he's not listening. He never takes anything I say on board - e.g. if I ask him to be careful about something in the house or not do something, etc.

    I know nobody is perfect so I have to accept that there are some things that will annoy me, but it hurts when he won't listen to something I've said a million times, or doesn't seem to want to listen to me when I try to have a conversation, and doesn't even want to sleep with me image
  • Jamie64Jamie64 Posts: 1

    I was SOOooo nervous on my wedding day!! I typically have pretty bad anxiety anyway, and I don't feel that I mentally prepared myself well enough for the day.  It got so bad that I was hiding in the dressing rooms by myself instead of enjoying the reception. 

    Also I went outside (in my wedding dress) and played in the church playground with my new niece and nephews - instead of joining in on the dancing going on inside.  I really regretted missing it and letting my anxiety get the better of me.  My new sister-in-law said she thought it was funny that I was hiding - it wasn't funny to me!

    I had never been a hair or makeup kind of girl in my life - but for some reason, I decided to save money and do my own hair and makeup for the wedding.  Looking at the photos, I now realize that was a big mistake!! I hardly looked like I was wearing any makeup at all, and my hair looked pretty uneven in the back.  In a few of the photos I have noticeable acne.

    I didn't realize it was wearing the wrong kind of underwear for my dress material. The outline of my slip could be detected by a careful observer. I was halfway through the reception before I realized this.

    My husband struggles with anxiety too, and he was dealing with some of the same stuff. He got so swept up in the reception that he hardly noticed when I was hiding and didn't come looking for me. He mentioned that he hated how his pants fit - he said it felt like they were going to fall down all day! 

    We played a violin and guitar ballad together at the reception. We were both nervous and probably didn't practice as much as we should have in all of the flurry leading up to the wedding. When I watched a video of us later I cringed - it was too slow and somber for a happy occasion, and I missed a couple of notes. I also had my "sad orchestra face" on and forgot to smile. Only one guest told us that she enjoyed it.

    My husband surprised me by singing "You Can Have All Of Me" at the reception. In private, I would have loved to listen to him - but in public, I felt that the song would never end and that people were staring at me for way too long!! He does have a lovely voice - but I wanted to run!!  It would have helped if he had told me that he planned to do that.

    I thought I'd be creative by inventing my own way of wearing my veil. But in the pictures, it doesn't look creative - it just looks like I literally had no idea how to wear it correctly. 

    I thought I would save money by making my own programs and by skipping my bridal bouquet. Some of my money saving tricks really worked, and I was proud of them - others were just a mistake and made my wedding look quite cheap. I'm very glad I didn't go into debt over the wedding, but if I could do it over again I would trust God and splurge a little more.

    All in all - it was definitely an imperfect day, but there were also wonderful moments. To wrap this up, I got to marry my amazing and wonderful husband whom I love sooo much!! And that's really what weddings are about!

  • CharleahCharleah Posts: 248 New bride
    Just wanted to add to this thread in the hopes tht it makes anyone feel better like this has me! I have none stop obsessed over every tiny detail of my wedding day since even though I know it was so perfect!

    basically - I wore a crepe dress that I’d asked the seamstress to sew cups into to give me some lift. Well she didn’t sew them in right and so on the day they were shifting around in my dress creating lumps and lines where you can see the outline of the cups 🤦🏻‍♀️ Fortunately the photographer will be able to edit photos but that didnt stop guests from plastering them all over Facebook. It’s been just over a week married and I’m thinking ya know what..I’m the grand scheme of things..what does it matter? I’m married and everyone had a great time! Anyway, hope me sharing this has helped someone - it’s helped to get it off my chest! 
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