My Candlelit, Cavern-like Wedding in a Cave. My Report.

My wedding was on the 28th July and it was more perfect and beautiful than I could ever have dreamed of. I never imagined being one of those brides who thought their wedding day was the best day of thier lives. But it was. It was amazing in every way. I am not sad that it is over, I am just thrilled that I will have those memories forever. I couldn't have asked for more.

I also never thought I'd write much of a report as I didn't think we had much of a story. When I sat down to reflect on it all, however, I found that I had much more to write about than I thought I would.

I apologise if it gets boring!

I will be sticking in a few pics here and there but my professional pics will be a while yet so they will be added in at the end when I get them back! Please be patient!

So here goes!

Bit of Background...

Once upon a time there was 15-year-old me. I was a happy little hippy and a bit of a music geek. I was very shy and timid but I was also friendly and bubbly and I lived in my own little world full of butter flies and bubbles. I was always on top of the world and nothing ever seemed to get me down. I fell in love with boy and we were incredibly happy. We spent every waking moment together. He taught me to play guitar. We were best friends and I thought he was my soul mate. I believed that we would go to uni together, get married, have a lovely house and have a family together - because in MY world, that was how it worked.

But it didn't happen that way. After a year and a half he dumped me for another girl and I was crushed. I was now a heartbroken little hippy but still optimistic and always saw the best in everyone. I was also desperate to be happy again. This is how I ended up in relationship number two....

I was distraught after the relationship ended, but my friends (who were all turning 18) had been discovering night clubs while I had been all loved up, and they insisted on dragging me out to cheer me up. I also started a degree in psychology at university.

On my 18th birthday January 2002 I met someone. He was a charmer. Whenever he saw me he would run and lift me up and spin me around. He showered me with compliments all day long - and I was smitten. Little did I know he had a bit of a reputation.... He was well known for popping pills, being generally loud and obnoxious a definitely a womaniser!

I discovered his flaws very quickly, but unfortunately I was still hurting and very vulnerable and I always fell for his stories. I was too na????ve to see what kind of a person he was. (I don't want to dwell on this miserable part of the story so I'll try to make it quick!). Basically the next 8 months was a disastrous relationship to say the least. He picked me up and put me down whenever he felt like it. I would always take him back as I was a softie but I was constantly in tears. Then there was his disapproval of contraception....

I have no one to blame but myself. I was a big girl and I knew what I was doing - but to say I was pressurised would be an understatement. Needless to say I ended up pregnant.

The pregnancy was awful in many ways. I had always been a bit of a goody goody at school and I felt like I had become the talk of the town. I was ashamed and embarrassed. He, being a bit of an attention-seeker, was interested from time to time; the initial announcement, scans, the birth. I was so desperate to be loved and to have the father of my baby by my side that I would take anything he was willing to give. But he had said that -the novelty had worn off' after only a few months of pregnancy. He dumped me and went out with other people. Usually I wouldn't hear much from him until something exciting cropped up like a scan. He made it very clear that he resented the fact that I was carrying the baby and that he couldn't wait for the baby to be born so he could get shot of me. When I told him I could feel the baby kicking, in an attempt to bring out some kind of emotion in him; to help us bond over our unborn baby, he accused me of being smug that I was carrying the baby and he wasn't. It was unbearable being rejected by my baby's dad in this way.

Again my little fairy-tale world was shattered. This was not how it was supposed to be......

I had a beautiful baby daughter in May 2003 and I was thrilled to bits, but it was tainted slightly with constant disagreements and bullying from his side of the family. I found them loud and intimidating and just wanted the confrontation to end. I wasn't strong enough to deal with this.

At this point I had pretty much hit rock bottom. I tried to remain optimistic and I continued with my degree. My mum was fantastic and helped out a lot with my daughter to allow me to stay at uni and have a bit of a social life (even if it was massively reduced!). I was beginning to believe that I wouldn't ever find love and be happy - especially now that I was a teenage mum. Who would be interested in a 19-year-old with a baby?


  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    How We Met...

    My best friend started seeing a guy when my daughter was about 6 months old. He had just been -that really annoying, cocky guy' who was the bar manager of our favourite pub. He had swaggered around chewing straws and we always moaned about how great he thought he was. My friend later admitted that she really quite liked him and eventually they went on a date. The rest is history and 8 years on they are still going strong. Little did I know that that annoying, cocky guy would end up being best man at my wedding!

    One night, after only a few dates, she asked me to come along on a night out and meet his friends. I was a little uncertain and didn't want to feel like a spare part, but she assured me they would all be very friendly. So off we went.

    We met them at a caf???? bar taking part in a quiz. They were all sat around a table and my friend's boyfriend did the polite thing and introduced me to them all one by one. They all smiled and said a quick hello - until it got to the last guy, Adam.

    He was sitting directly in front of me and therefore slightly excluding me from the group. I thought this might be an opportunity to squeeze in and make some conversation. He turned to look over his shoulder at me and looked as though he was putting his hand out to me. I went to shake his hand but was mortified when he instead grunted -alright?' and turned his back on my outstretched hand, returning immediately to his conversation. To make matters worse, he adjusted his chair with a loud screech so that I was now looking at his back - and completely excluded for the table.

    WELL, I was not impressed! In fact I described him to everyone as -the most ignorant guy I have ever met in my life!


    That guy is now my husband!

    Without ever having engaged in any kind of conversation, I continued to hate him for quite some time....... He would occasionally run us home from gigs and I began to realise that he was very quiet indeed. He never spoke much, but when he did speak he would usually mumble something quite funny and everyone would laugh. I started to find him more quiet and mysterious, rather than downright rude!

    Eventually, when we were out on Easter Sunday 2004, 3 months after our first encounter, things changed.

    I had offered everyone, including Adam, a drink. When something astonishing happened...

    He said -Julia, would you like a hand at the bar?'

    I couldn't believe he had actually spoken to me. We waited at the bar together, with no one to talk to but each other. Within minutes we were chatting away, laughing and joking and I could not believe how badly I had misjudged him. He had made a terrible first impression, but in hindsight I now know that he is incredibly shy and awkward in social situations. It had taken a good drink to bring out the courage for him to speak to me.

    That night we kissed and I decided he was wonderful!

    We walked back to his friend's house and I discovered that he was very intelligent, interesting and funny. We gabbed away about the same nonsense we still gab away about today. I discovered he had a masters in philosophy. I was now in my third year of my psychology degree and this made for interesting debating all the way home. I also discovered that we had the same passion for music and obviously we both loved going to gigs.

    When we got back to his friend's house Adam left the room - and never returned. I was a bit disappointed as I assumed he had left. Feeling like Cinderella I was very aware that I would be up early in the morning with my daughter and knew I had to leave. I only lived a block away and walked sadly down the street not able to understand what had gone wrong.

    Only this year did I find out what had happened. Having had a tad too much to drink he'd gone to the toilet feeling sick. When he had come back out to find that I had left he ran out the door after me and ran around the streets looking for me, as he never knew where I lived!
  • MaylanMaylan Posts: 9,604
    Ohh wow image I'm sorry you had to go through that image Abusive boyfriends are really the worst!

    Looking forward to reading how everything got better image
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    oh I wouldn't say abussive. Just very unpleasant and a bit of a bully. But thank you, it wasn't much fun!
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    The Elephant in the Room...

    Needless to say we kept in touch and we went on a few dates. We grew close very quickly but we had never discussed the fact that I had a baby. I was assured that he knew this about me already, but didn't really believe it. I figured that if he knew he'd want nothing to do with me.

    Eventually after a few weeks I asked him outright in a text message if he knew I was a mum. I nervously awaited his response...

    He replied saying of course he knew, and that he hoped to meet her one day soon.

    He did meet her and although he seemed a little awkward trying to talk to a baby, he did a really well with her. Within a couple of months he had bought her a car seat for taking her to places like Loch Lomond, safari parks and much more. On her 1st birthday he helped me to arrange her birthday party and built up all her toys for me.

    It was around this time that she said her first word.....'Adam'!
  • HamsterHamster Posts: 1,123
    More more more!! Adam sounds sweet. Can't wait to read the rest of the report and see some pics!! x
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Here is a wee pic of us very early on! We were on a pub crawl at the Cowal Games in Dunoon in 2004 - that's why we look a little worse for wear!

    Edited to add in this year's Cowal games from this weekend!

  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    and here's a pic of us last year - our wee family! Adam looks like such a man compared to the first photo!

  • HamsterHamster Posts: 1,123
    Aww your girl is sooo cute. I'm also a mum and had to have the "you know I have a child, don't you?" conversation so I definitely know the feeling.

    Getting writing your wedding report missy!! x
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    haha! It's definitely a scary converstaion to have!
  • More please! I have a little boy from a previous relationship and remember the days of Ben getting to know him so im loving this story so far image
  • mojojobiemojojobie Posts: 733
    I'm glad it's a happy ending for you! Hope there's much more happiness coming your way too. xx image

    Loving the report, more please!! image
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Thank you, it will probably be tomorrow before I get the chance to write anymore but there's definitely more to come! Including Adam's complete turn around from hating the idea of marriage, the proposal, his creative way of funding the wedding and the day itself with lots of DIY and even a few pyrotechnics...!
  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    Oooh, I've been looking forward to this! Can't wait! x
  • HannikinsHannikins Posts: 1,046
    More please!
  • MrsDeeMrsDee Posts: 82
    I really like your style of writing, can't wait for the rest! x
  • More more!
  • lizzydeelizzydee Posts: 275
    More please - have already teared up at your daughter's first word!
  • clareygbclareygb Posts: 201
    Lovely, lovely so far!
  • RoofiesRoofies Posts: 280
    Aww what a lovely report so far - sorry to hear you had such a hard time. Looking forward to reading more image Your writing style is just lovely, really makes me want to read on!
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    thank you everyone. I have about half an hour so I'll see what I can get done!
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Moving In Together......

    The more time we spent together the more in love we fell. We wanted to spend all our time together but the time came when babysitters were running thin and I could no longer pretend to Adam that I was a -normal' 20-year-old.

    I eventually had to apologise and say I couldn't go out on dates, to gigs, or on nights out with his friends. I worried that before long he would get bored and decide that he wanted a normal relationship.

    Adam, however, was not phased. Instead he took this opportunity to show off his cooking skills and he came to my almost every night with wine and DVDs and would cook for me. He is a fantastic cook and I was very impressed! As we spent every night in my bedroom in my mum's house he decided to make it more comfortable. He turned up with a TV and DVD player for my room (as I had only had a rubbish portable telly) and tons of comfy pillows for my bed.

    Actually he spoiled me rotten!

    For our first Christmas together he bought me a lovely new guitar and an amp. I was blown away. He was 4 years older than me and had his own house and a decent job - but still, we had only been together for about 6 months!

    On my 21st birthday he bought me a jewellery box. It is the most beautiful present I have ever been given. It came with a little certificate explaining that was made from aromatic wood from the Atlas Mountains - so it smelled gorgeous. It was hand crafted using a unique technique created by one family in the Atlas Mountains who had passed the technique from generation to generation. It came with a little ornate brass key, and inside the mirror was engraved -To Julia, On Your 21st, All My Love, Adam x'. He then filled the box with bits and bobs that he knew I would love. It still gives me a lump in my throat when I look at it today.

    Eventually after 2 and a half years we decided that we didn't want to say goodbye to each other when he had to go home. I had graduated in Psychology and had gotten a 2.1 with honours which I was incredibly proud of given that I had done most of it pregnant or with a baby! He had started working in Glasgow, which was about 40 minutes from where we lived. He organised for me to get a part time job in his work so that we could work the hours around Olivia without childcare.

    We moved to Glasgow into our little flat and we have never looked back. Finally we had our own space and we could be together all the time. It was the best decision we ever made.
  • MrsFaulkyMrsFaulky Posts: 6,671
    More please!!
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Just One Problem...

    There was never any real negative aspects to our relationship. We were always happy. I wasn't used to being in a relationship that actually worked! So we have already established that I am a romantic and that I had dreamed of a fairy-tale ending.

    The problem was... Adam didn't.

    I knew very early on that one of Adam's best friends had been his girlfriend for 5 years. They had split a year before I met him but had stayed friends. I also knew that the relationship had ended indirectly because Adam didn't believe in marriage. His parents had separated after 25 years of marriage and it had torn their perfect, middle class family to pieces. Adam, his siblings and his parents were bitter and their relationship was destroyed as a result. They were also left with a lot of debt.

    Adam said that he didn't believe that a piece of paper would change anything - that old clich????! He also said that you cannot possibly know if you are able to spend the rest of your life with someone -even after 5 years. He also said he believed that very few people were cut out for marriage, and how could anyone possibly know if they were one of those people?

    So I never mentioned marriage. I had always known how he had felt right from the start. It seemed unfair to push the subject when he had his reasons for feeling that way. It put a bit of a spanner in the works in terms of my happy ending. Part of me had decided my ending was happy enough as it was!
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Years passed and, inevitably, the subject was raised.

    I said in passing something about how we would never get married. Adam said that wasn't true and said he would love to marry me. I was surprised but he instantly burst my bubble saying that it would be many, many years away as he didn't believe in long engagements and we could not afford to get married any time soon. I figured he'd had said this just to keep me quiet and not to hurt my feelings. I felt deep down that he still wasn't into the idea at all.

    It was especially hard when my friends and family were getting married left right and centre. I went to the weddings of Adam's friends too - including his ex-girlfriend! (Who I get on really well with by the way - no hard feelings at all!). Half of the weddings were of couples who had gotten together a long time after Adam and I had. Still I accepted that it wasn't really going to happen that way for us.
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    The Proposal

    It was Christmas 2008.

    As always Adam and I had stayed up until midnight wrapping Olivia's presents. We always exchanged our presents at midnight on xmas eve, so as not to confuse the Santa issue!

    2008 was obviously a very snowy winter indeed. We were nice and cosy in our wee flat. We sat back on the couch with a glass of wine pleased that with our Christmas preparations for Olivia. Presents were wrapped and under the tree. Rudolph's carrot was chewed up outside the door. Santa's biscuit was eaten and his milk glass emptied.

    We sat with the lights out leaving only candle light flickering, the tree lights twinkling and the snow glistening outside.

    We exchanged presents.

    After opening a few little bits and bobs Adam handed me a little silver and black sparkly gift box. I opened it up and looked at the contents of the box in complete confusion....

    It appeared to be a car key!(Haha, bet that's not what you were expecting!)

    I had passed my driving test two months before xmas. I looked at him and said in bewilderment -did you buy me a car?!'

    He led me to the window and pointed out my first little car. It was only a little second hand car, but could barely contain my excitement! I squealed and hugged him while jumping for joy! He then proceeded to give me some other presents including a window scraper and sat nav for the car.

    Finally he handed me another gift box. I opened it up to find a photograph face down. Cue more confusion...... I turned the photograph over and struggled to focus on the picture in the dark. It was the xmas tree....on one knee....with an open ring box held out.......

    It took a moment to work out what I was seeing. I looked up at Adam.

    He was by the xmas tree, on one knee with a ring box held out to me. The ring was beautiful.

    -Will you marry me?' he asked.

    I burst into tears and laughter at the same time and hugged him saying -but you don't want to get married!' He laughed and said

    -yes I do. I want to get married to you!'

    I said yes and we hugged until I thought we might burst!
  • RoofiesRoofies Posts: 280
    Oh my gosh - that proposal just made me cry, how lovely!!
  • MrsR4evaMrsR4eva Posts: 1,246
    lovely story ... write more please ...xx
  • MrsSmileyjulyMrsSmileyjuly Posts: 1,818
    Thank you, i will get back to it ASAP!
  • PfiggyPfiggy Posts: 199
    Gosh - what a proposal! I'm all teared up image
  • Lisar1980Lisar1980 Posts: 382
    Ah what a lovely story!

    I too had my daughter at 19 and I can so relate to going to uni as a single mum!

    More please! X
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