New hubby advice!

MrsSMrsS Posts: 136
Just wondering how long it took your new hubbys to settle into married life? We got married almost 3 weeks ago & I think he's still adjusting :/ I'm wondering if he is resenting his loss of freedom, his new household obligations and any other responsibilities being married gives you. He's admitted he's adjusting. He barely spends time at home in the evening, instead goes to see friends & gets home in the early hours. Just wondering what your experiences are image x

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  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    Was he like that before you were married?

    We've not been married 2 weeks yet but I still find it strange being called by a new name, I find it strange seeing a ring on my hubbies (I nearly wrote H2B!) finger.

    We lived together before we were married so nothings really changed on that front I think for us we're just trying to adjust and remember we are now Mr and Mrs!  I am sure it'll sink in eventually and become second nature but I think it must be different for everyone.

  • MrsSMrsS Posts: 136
    Hi, thanks for reply image yeah he was kinda like that before, so I guess it's unreasonable of me to expect him to change. Although, he spent the last 2-3 weeks before we got married going out saying it was the last time he'd do it for a while & once we were married he'd be at home more. So I kinda left him to it, but it's still happening. He says he doesn't like being indoors in the evenings.
  • Aww, I'm really sorry to read this. I'm still planning my wedding so I don't have any first hand experience, but I've discussed this with Mr Ninja, and he says that if he was like this before then the wedding isn't going to suddently change things. 

    Can you plan something fun to do together in the evening - either just the two of you or with his friends too? 

  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    If he's always been like that then I guess you cant really expect him to change overnight?  Does he give you the option to go with him though? 

  • MrsSMrsS Posts: 136
    Naively I thought he'd want to do 'coupley' things together now we're married. Nope there no option to go with him, plus he gets home a few hours before I leave for work so it's totally impractical.



    Guess I just gotta suck it up! X
  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    :/ thats not fab.

    I dont think you should just suck it up though, have you told him you'd like to spend more time with him?

    I dont think you're asking a lot if its only a few hours between him getting home and you going to work - maybe ask him to cook the dinner a few times a week so at least you have an hour or so just chatting and eating together?

  • manfaw wrote (see)

    If he's always been like that then I guess you cant really expect him to change overnight?  Does he give you the option to go with him though? 

     

    Totally disagree - if he's always been like that then you can't expect him to change just because you're married full stop.

    If it's an issue you should speak to him, but if it's something he's 'kinda always done' then I think you're on a sticky wicket so to speak. I certainly wouldn't expect my husband to change after I married him - and would utterly resent any attempt he made to change me.

    Have a chat with him

     

  • manfawmanfaw Posts: 2,756

    Bad choice of words on my part.

  • MrsPugMrsPug Posts: 626

    H2B and I aren't married yet (hence him still being H2B), we have both discussed it though and we don't really anticipate anything changing in our day to day life after marriage. We've lived together for 3 years and know each others good and bad habits and are comfortable with both. I'm not sure you can expect a change, especially immediate, in his behavious just because he's now your husband, not fiance...

    You say he doesn't like being indoors in the evenings, is there perhaps something you could go out and do together? That way he isn't stuck indoors and you get to spend time with each other. 

    Sorry I can't be more help!

  • Me and the H2B have been together four years, (lived together two) and my h2b goes out four nights a week, when he is home he spends the evenings playing games and talking over the headset to his friends. Which i have no problem with as i like my own space and doing my own thing. However we do set aside an evening and an afternoon a week where we spend time together, and once (or twice) a month we go out for something to eat/drink or the pictures/ theatre to have a catch up. Could you come to a suggestion of date night? I think just one evening a week to yourselves will do you the world of good, and its not really much asking each other for two to four hours of your time imagex

  • MrsSMrsS Posts: 136
    manfaw wrote (see)

    :/ thats not fab.

    I dont think you should just suck it up though, have you told him you'd like to spend more time with him?

    I dont think you're asking a lot if its only a few hours between him getting home and you going to work - maybe ask him to cook the dinner a few times a week so at least you have an hour or so just chatting and eating together?

    We generally do eat dinner together but then he goes out getting home when I'm asleep, I get up at 7am to work at 12 hour day.

    ThimbleDreamer wrote (see)

    Me and the H2B have been together four years, (lived together two) and my h2b goes out four nights a week, when he is home he spends the evenings playing games and talking over the headset to his friends. Which i have no problem with as i like my own space and doing my own thing. However we do set aside an evening and an afternoon a week where we spend time together, and once (or twice) a month we go out for something to eat/drink or the pictures/ theatre to have a catch up. Could you come to a suggestion of date night? I think just one evening a week to yourselves will do you the world of good, and its not really much asking each other for two to four hours of your time imagex

    This is really good advice image Quick background re living arrangements - We've been together 8 years, lived together 4 years, then lived apart for 3 years previous to getting married so it's almost like living together for the first time. The 3 years we lived apart he saw friends every single night (for most part shared a place with friends) so going from that to just us two must be kinda strange for him. We had a chat tonight and have set aside one day every week to do something just us image hopefully this will help. I also said I'm totally happy for him to have friends over (which I am!) he seemed suprised & happy when I suggested this.

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