Please Help!!! MIL from hell!!!!

In serious need of help!! my MIL has always had a problem with me (she said im too posh for her family?) but has always been nice to my face just talked behind my back to the other daughter in laws of the family. Its never been an issue because I just ignored it. 

But the other day we got into a little debate on the phone and when we ended the convo she was like "see you later daughter, I love you" (Not something you would say if someone had really annoyed you with something they said)

The next day I couldn't get hold of her or the two other DIL's. and immediately knew something was wrong. it turns out after I put the phone down that day she called the two other girls and one of her sons and told them I had said some god awful things about them. (im very much a in your face person if I had something to say id say it to them not to MIL.)

its caused a load of problems and as such ended up causing an argument between my husband and her. She laughed when he said you are destroying the family and she then told him I was bad news and to leave me.

weve been married just 4 months and this is hell. the worst part is that shes refusing to talk to me on the phone (I know shes actually not 13 shes 50)

and she lives on the other side of the country so I cant even go down there to talk.

shes caused hell for me and my husband and none of the rest of the family are talking to us. 

and the most annoying thing is that she does nothing but slag the other family off to me and ive kept my mouth shut.

SORRY for the essay. Really need some help!!!  

Posts

  • MrsS2014MrsS2014 Posts: 139

    Oh no this sounds awful! I don't know if I have any helpful advice but if I was you I would try and leave things alone for a few days, it sounds like emotions are running high nad maybe if things cool down in a couple of days you could contact the other members of the family and just reassure them that what was said isn't true.  Also I would just avoid the MIL for a few weeks if possible, you are playing to her game by trying to get in touch with her.  You haven't done anything wrong, some people just thrive of drama, so if you are the bigger person and avoid all conflict for now she will probably get bored after a while.  Sorry if that isn't very helpful, hope things get better soon xx

  • thanks for the advice. the most annoying part is the day before it kicked off with her and my husband I sat down with the other girls and we sorted everything out so I don't understand why its all gone down hill again?

    shes said were all meeting on sunday..... but I don't get what her game is....I think she thinks im not going to turn up. but ive actually not done anything wrong :'(

  • Speccy4eyesSpeccy4eyes Posts: 2,050

    sounds like my Ex MIL....Its giving me the creeps.

    My Ex MIL was all nice and sweet when I was just the girlfriend, then she turned a bit cool once the engagement came along....When we were married, she would say awful things to my face and talk to me like I was a child, when I told my exhusband and he tried to confront her she would be like 'I don't know why she would say stuff like this, I've always liked her' This would then start a row between me and my ex husband.

    Sorry to say, He was a bleeding mummy's boy and decided his mother was telling the truth and our marriage came to an abrupt halt at 7 months ( I was 17weeks preg at the time) I never saw him again, divorced him in his absence and was pleased to get shot of the whole lot of them

    I think these type of mother in laws feel threatened by new wives..... Unfortunately I only have one piece of advice. Stand your ground, you know you are blameless and if your hubby is worth his salt, he will know that too.....I wish you the very best of luck. Be glad she's on the other side of the country (I was living in the same house as mine for a time and it was hell)

  • Emma  2Emma 2 Posts: 102

    Hello Mrs Davies,

    I couldnt do a read an run on this. Something similar happened to me a couple of months back and i'm still really upset by it.

    I use to be really close to my MIL & SIL and we all went out for my OH's birthday in November. The SIL is known for acting up and making a show of herself when she has had a drink but has alwas been fine with me. We were all in our local pub and MIL & SIL were bitching about a group of girls in there. I deffo not one who likes to sit gossiping and bitching i just love to go out and have a good night. Things turned sour between this group of girls and MIL & SIL quite quickly. Me and my OH tried getting them out of the pub to take them home - as they were in the wrong anyways! Cutting a long story short the SIL started shouting in my face that i'm not part of their family never have been never will be blah blah blah, although i was always good enough for the lifts everywhere she needed to go and becoming god partent to her baby last summer!! Anyways I didnt speak to the SIL but still kept talking to the MIL, although she was really off with me too which gain upset me as weve always been so close. I did however keep the SIL on facebook, as I always said as soon as I have an appology as she was just drunk ill be sound and forget about it, then mid way through december SIL posted a status about how she had been ignored for the past 3 weeks turning her brother agaisnt her, it literatly was status after status the drunker she was getting! I remained the bigger person though and just didnt say anything back. Then the MIL messaged telling me I need to sort it out with her and appologise! Well this got my back up I had NOTHING to be sorry about and i couldnt believe how childish they were both being! My OH went round to his mums and told her they both need to grow up or he will have nothing to do with them ( so proud of him I'd never stand inbetween him and his family and i certainly didnt ask him to go round and say that, but just did it on his own accord) The MIL appologised to me and were completly fine again now but im still not speaking to the SIL, she has hurt and upset me and if she had just said sorry after the first night we would all be ok now but she made it worse for herself.

    Keep level headed and dont get into any arguments with the family, blood is always thicker than water when push comes to shove. If the DIL cannot see that the MIL talks about them behind their back like she doe with you, then unfortunately that is their problem. If they have decided now that they dont want to speak to you, leave them to it! you've got your OH who is standing by you and really thats all you need!

    Dont loose anymore sleep over these children is adult bodies image

    xxx

  • HydrogirlHydrogirl Posts: 809

    i also have a similar situation! what is it with these MILs from hell!

    i would take ur OH along with you - dont meet her along or record what she says. if she is anything like mine it will not matter what u say she will twist it to make herself look good and u look bad!

    i said to my MIL" you hurt me by what u said and i will not forgive u for a long time, nor will i forget it. we will never be close again" however i will not stop OH from meeting up etc. but i will not be attending anything that involves her (i have since but only xmas and birthdays etc)

    if possible id try to meet up with other family members without her and (although not mention it or bitch about her) just mention that you think there has been some wirees crossed and ur worried about what everyone must now think  of you?

    good luck! and stand your ground - if u have kids she will come grovelling round!

  • unfortunately I don't have kids that's why its been blamed on me. the other two girls do though.

    since this she hasn't turned up for the meeting then arranged it for another day and didn't tell me so I didn't find out (so that looks good on my behalf)

    she has had my father in law screaming down the phone to me and my husband about lies shes made up about me.

    the 2 girls are completely against me now and I don't speak to any of them. (if they had been my own family I wouldn't have a single thing to do with them but not my choice)

    I am now not having a single thing to do with them my husband will be attending birthdays and Christmas present giving without me.

    in the past 2 years me and hubby have been together I have bent over backwards for this family and now I cant do any right but im sure they will be back when they need something.

    thanks for all your help image xxx

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    Sorry this has happened, I was going to say your H2B needs to sort this, I now mine would refuse to attend family events without me and on hearing that my FMIL would apologise.

    I am shocked the other DIL have been so childish, in the long run it is you and your husband that will be in there and there children's lives much more than the grandparents. Your H2B really should have a word with his brothers, as doing anything via his mum seems pointless.

    I think the problem maybe you both have bend over backwards preciously so they think they can get away with anything.

    Are you planning on having children? If so definitely come up with a plan of action ahead of time, e.g. you MIL gets her act together and acts like a proper human being or she doesn't see the children, I say this because personally there is no way I would let someone like that spend time with my children without my supervision, young minds are easily influenced and really young children won't get why mum and gran are never in the same room at the same time.

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