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I just want to hide

Hi everyone

You probably read similar posts already but I really need some replies on my wedding.

My wedding was last year August and I am still waking up in the middle of the night with horror feelings. i am keeping on remembering all the things that went wrong and how I so much want to go back and make it right, such as my wedding dress. Had I put on the hoop then my dress would have looked nicer and to my length.

I am also remembering how my sister's/family made me feel so lonely and distant from themselve on my wedding day. Throughout the wedding they did not show any excitement. They didn't take any initiative on the day of my wedding. However, they did what they could do but it wasn't their best. Had I known they would make me feel like this then most definitely I would have done a smaller wedding.

My family found my wedding stressful but I do not know what they were stressing about. Everything was ready. There was no issue with the venue, no issue with decor, no issue with the carriage, no issue with the catering, no issue with the flowers, no issue with the cake , and no issue with the musician and most importantly no issue during the ceremony.

However, the only issue was the makeup artist. I had my own makeup artist (this included four of my bridesmaids). And my family had their own. My family absolutely hated their makeup artist to the point they decided to use my make up artist. This made my family/ sisters frustrated. I didn't say anything and I let them use my make up artist, but this made the ceremony start a bit later - which was still not a problem.

The other issue was one of my older sister created a bit of a scene. This is something I knew and my my family knew before the wedding that this sister of mine would do something bad in my wedding and she did but I was mentally prepared for this. However, this did not stop my wedding and everything went ok after that scene my sister created.

A lot of other little things that didn't go well as I planned but that's ok. The issues that I just mentioned to you (1. My dress, 2. The unexcited feeling my family gave me) gaves me nightmare literally every other week.  And now this has increased because I just got my wedding DVD and the videographer hasn't done a good job. The videographer did not manned one of the video cameras and just left it on one angle, one focus. 

I am so angry at my videographer but more than that I am angry at myself for choosing him as my wedding videographer. All my guests said my wedding was super perfect, that they had really good time, and I do tell them I had really good time too but deep down I know I didn't, and now watching my DVD I feel as though my wedding was so boring.

My wedding videographer hasn't done a good job at all. I can even do better edits than him. He has literally ruined my memories of my wedding even more. He hasnt sync the music properly and left the camera unmanned.

I just don't know what to do. I just want to move on but every night i cannot sleep because of all the things that went wrong and now the DVD confirms I did not have good wedding.

Honestly, my guests really liked my wedding. Some of them took my wedding ideas to do in their family weddings now.

My wedding photos were done by the same videographer and I feel as though he hasn't take much shots. I feel like suing my wedding videographer but I do not know how to go about it?

I really want to sleep during night time but I just cannot. My husband doesn't really understand when I tell him. He just wants to see me happy so he says don't worry about it, it's gone now. But I worry because I gave so much of time planning it and now I feel like I wasted my time. And I do not want to do my wedding vows again. It just won't be as special as first time. It would be all set up and not really real. I can understand doing it fives or 10  years time later but not now. Just not for me.

Also, my brother's wedding is this summer. And now I feel his wedding is going to be way better than mine. The thing is I don't even mind if his wedding is better than mine but it will bother me if my family says how much great time they had in my brother's wedding. I feel as though my family has learned so much from my wedding mistakes that they will make sure it won't happen in my brother's wedding or at least they know what they are expecting.

One more thing, when it was my older sisters wedding I took so much initiative in her wedding but in my wedding she did a lot but didn't give her full best and all she gave me was this feeling that she found my wedding stressful. Part of me thinks my sister didn't want me to have better wedding than hers. And now she is doing so much for my brother's wedding, in terms of planning but she didn't really help me with my planning.

I just want to sleep during the night and I just don't want to have this negative feeling about my family even though I know they could have done much more for me. And I am so scarred to share my wedding DVD with my mum. My mum's remarks will probably make me feel even more worse. On top of that my aunts and uncles will be coming from abroad for my brother's wedding and of course they would want to see my wedding DVD. I just don't want anyone saying that my wedding wasn't good in actual fact it was overall really nice despite the fact what happened in the background. I so want to do something about wedding videographer. As professional he hasn't done a good job at all. I just want to hide and I don't to want to make this wedding history of mine as my priority in my present and future life. I just want to sleep properly and don't want to worry about this unpleasant fairytale of mine anymore.

Love,
RoseRose

Posts

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,379 New bride
    edited May 2019
    You have a few separate things going on here, and i'm sorry i'm going to do my best to address what i can, but its a lot to unpack! 
    Firstly, i'm sorry your family came across unexcited and made you feel sad about it, but honestly its really not uncommon. The best bit of advice i ever heard was "no one will ever be as interested in your wedding as you are" and its true. Its a shame they were maybe more vocal about their opinions but you seem to have placed a lot of importance in what they did and felt throughout the day, and its not their responsibility to plan your wedding, or to make you feel happy and excited about your day - that should be natural!

    Things like your dress - its done - it cant be changed and its unfortunate that out of the happy memories of marrying your best friend you can only focus on that. 

    The video is a tough one - did you see examples of their work previously? How does your video compare to their other work? Were you aware you would have one person only to do both the video and photographs? (sorry - that's how your phrasing sounded but correct me if i'm wrong) That would indicate to me a risk of things being missed, as they just cant be everywhere at once. Look through your contract with them, if they haven't fulfilled anything in their contract you may be able to discuss with them why that was and seek compensation, but if its just that you don't like it, unfortunately there isn't much that can be done. Maybe you could ask them for the raw footage and see if someone else could edit it for you? I'm sure they'd want to come to a resolution with you instead of having an unhappy customer. 

    I am really sorry you're struggling so much after but i really think you need to try and shift the focus. You say you didn't have a good time, but why was that? Are you just focusing on how you expected more from others? If nothing really went wrong, what is it that stops you from looking back on it with fondness? 

    Stop worrying about other people, what they thought/think now, if they had a good time, what they will say about the DVD, all of that is out of your control but you can control how you look back on your day and how you feel about it. 
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 935 New bride
    I'm sorry you're having a tough time and that it is tainting the memories of your wedding.

    Have you suffered from anxiety in the past? The intrusive thoughts you are describing sounds just like anxiety. When you obsess over something you can't really change for such a long time, to the extent it is disrupting your sleep and everyday life, it might be a sign you need to speak to a GP or counsellor.
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