Guest list dilemma!!

Hi everyone :) 

 

We are getting married in 2017 and are currently in the process of sorting out our guest list. We currently have the budget for 60-70 max however our guest list is already over 90 people with more going on every day. I've already tried to be quite ruthless and say no to some of my friend's other halves but not really sure what more I can do.

 

Any help is much appreciated!!

Posts

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    We had the same issue and in the end we invited h2b cousins (around 15) to the evening only. And didn't bother inviting any distant relatives we don't have much to do with (they came to the evening).

    Don't forget that you may have people that don't come to the day- we had around 20 day guests rsvp to say they weren't coming so in the end we were able to 'upgrade' some of the evening guests to the day.

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    hey katherine,

    it is hard to advise from the outside when we don't know exactly who makes up these 90 guests! we too are about 10 people over (it's inevitable really, however, most of them are guests requested by my parents so they can pay for them!) but like bella said, there may be some guests who can't make it.

    i guess you have two options:

    1) can you make your catering cheaper to accommodate these extra guests?

    2) if you don't want to compromise on catering, or simple can't make it any cheaper, you may just have to be brutal and bump some of your guests down to the evening list. the only thing that confuses me slightly (and sorry to sound rude, i don't mean to be) is how you missed out so many people who you feel *have* to be at your day celebrations in your initial plans?! the only reason why i say this is because if they didn't spring to mind when you went venue shopping, surely they aren't that important? does that make sense? 

    i can't help you on who you should and shouldn't invite to the whole day without knowing a little more about these guests or your situation with them. i agree that removing plus ones for friends who will know others at your wedding is a fair start (no offence to those guests!). 

    i guess what you need to do is decide who has to be there: (immediate family obviously) and the friends who matter to you both, then see who's left. one way to look at it is whether those people are worth the money you are spending on them - would you buy their dinner normally for instance, or will they appreciate you going over your budget to accommodate them? if the answer is 'no' then bump them down. you can always put people back up again if some of your day guests can't make it. 

    good luck! x

  • Zoe87Zoe87 Posts: 41

    I agree, hard to make a judgement call without seeing your guest list but would say move some extended family to evening do or family/friends you only see every so often to evening do 

  • Hi Katherine,

    I agree with the others - it's hard to advise without knowing what your guest list looks like, and also you don't say whether there is any room for more at the evening.

    Are you including children? Tough as it is, we aren't (except for a few family children), for the same reason - that there is no room.

    We are able to invite more to our evening reception, so work colleagues and sports team mates are on that list. We've also put some people who we don't see or speak to that often on that list too.

    All that said, we're quite lucky in that we have small families, but mid you do have a large family of aunts, uncles and cousins, I'd consider taking the same approach and only invite those who you see or speak to regularly.

    My final advice is - try not to worry! If these people are married already, then they will 100% know and understand the guest list stress! Try and think about weddings you may not have been invited to when other friends have - I've experienced a few of these and I totally didnt mind as I wasn't as close to the bride and groom as some of my other friends. And if they're not married yet, then they have all this fun to come lol. If anyone gets funny with you then know you absolutely made the right decision, as they're not true friends anyway. 

    Good luck! Let us know how you get on. 

  • Ooh just thought of something else. Are there any guests who you could bump from the meal? You could still invite them to the ceremony (if there's room!) and then ask them to come to the evening do later (again, if there's room!). 

  • I really wouldn't invite people to come to just the ceremony and then the evening do. I was invited to a wedding on such an invite (friend of my then bf so felt I had to go) and after travelling for several hours to attend, we and the 12 other not good enough guests had to get taxis to the nearest town after the ceremony to get something to eat and pass the 4 hours while waiting. We were too far from home to go and come back but even If we could do that, it's unbelievably rude to your guests to expect them to go back and forth all day so I really wouldn't recommend!!

  • Memza89xMemza89x Posts: 1,534 New bride

    I also had a struggle keeping numbers down - our ceremony venue only holds 60 people in total so we can only have 55 guests in total. I have a big family but h2b doesn't have as much but I didn't want it to be just all of my family and none of his so he is having more friends - because of this I'm not having many friends and of our friends that are coming other than the best man and maid of honour they aren't bringing their partners to the ceremony, they will come to the reception later. We had no choice but to be ruthless because we weren't allowed more people and even though your problem is budget you should just have a number in your head and try to stick to it as much as you can.

    Our guest list has had people changed a few times because of different reasons and you will likely change your mind as time passes. For this reason we never put out "save the dates".

    I would recommend making a list of "definites" ie. Your closest family, wedding party and best friends and then a "maybes" list. Then over time before you send out invites or save the dates you can categorise who you would rather have there.

    Like I say you will more than likely change your mind about some people on the list, your wedding is 2 years away. I get married in March and when I booked my wedding last year I actually imagined having one girl as a bridesmaid who isn't even coming to the ceremony now because we have totally drifted apart and I couldn't justify putting her before some of my other friends and family that I see on a daily basis. I've definitely become a lot more ruthless as time has went on and I've thought more about the aspect of having to pay for them and taking into account how often I actually see these people!

    The biggest thing to remember is that it's you and your h2b's wedding and as much as you don't want to offend people you shouldn't feel like you are inviting people to keep the peace. Invite the people that are special to you as a couple and who you and your h2b want to share your day with, not "great aunt Hilda" who you see once every once a year, but because she might go in a huff! It's your day have who YOU want.

    Good luck!

  • Vtglove wrote (see post):

    I really wouldn't invite people to come to just the ceremony and then the evening do. I was invited to a wedding on such an invite (friend of my then bf so felt I had to go) and after travelling for several hours to attend, we and the 12 other not good enough guests had to get taxis to the nearest town after the ceremony to get something to eat and pass the 4 hours while waiting. We were too far from home to go and come back but even If we could do that, it's unbelievably rude to your guests to expect them to go back and forth all day so I really wouldn't recommend!!

    Ah, that's interesting because I've been to two weddings like this and it really wasn't a problem for us. We had fun together anyway And still got to go to both the ceremony and the party. But each to their own of course. 

  • Thank you for all your responses and ideas :) 

     

    We have gone through the guest list again and pushed some people down to evening only, and crossed out anyone we dont have any contact with - H2B has godparents that he doesn't know at all so they are now gone! We may get some criticism from his family over this but at the end of the day it is our wedding and I don't think we'd be comfortable having people we don't know there.

    Still over by about 10 people, but know some people in my family won't be able to attend - sending them an invite out of courtesy - so I'm hoping it will all work out.

    We are already pretty low on our catering budget - a massive BBQ working out at about £15 per head but it all adds up! Our venue can hold up to about 100 seated but we just can't find the budget at the moment.

    Again thanks for all your help, it's much appreciated :)

  • Evening only is fine and a good solution for all. It's just the idea of ceremony and evening only I object to and which could upset people.

    it will all work out and you'll have a wonderful day :)

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