RSVP rant (And MiL rant)

MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

ahhhh don't you just love RSVP's

My wedding isn't until November but H2B and I thought we'd gently remind people about it as we need final numbers by end September. Well poor H2B has had his mum have a right strop at him (thank goodness I wasn't there) she has known since February what meals we had picked, heck we picked chicken because she stuck her nose up to everything else (along with a few others from H2B family) we've managed to tweak a few things so they can have different sauce if needed but no, poor H2B gets "I don't effing like the soup, I don't effing like Italian meats, I don't effing like anything you're offering" gah! Why!?! We have gave everyone a choice of 3 starters, 3 mains and 3 puddings and yet they can't even be happy with that! Since the wedding planning MIL has been crazy! She never normally is! 

Also my family, "well you already know we are coming!" Do I? I have only had 1 RSVP back so no I don't know you're coming! "Well you can just mark me down as coming!" What food are you having then? "Oh I don't know, I'll have another think about it" gahhhhhh! Should have eloped! 

Posts

  • MrsK2017MrsK2017 Posts: 230 New bride

    Oh no! I can see why you're frustrated. I don't understand why people act like that when they must know how annoying it is. I'm asking the family to send back their RSVP, and although we're having a buffet, I've asked for song choices. 

    The evil part of me says just tell them you've put them down for whatever food options since they can't be bothered to reply, see if that makes them shift their backsides. 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    H2B has just come home, he shown his mum his suit her reply "it's effing horrible why would you wear that" sigh... lucky he doesn't care what she thinks it's a suit he's always wanted.

    Ive told my family they need to give me the food choices at least by the 4th Sept (the RSVP date) or I'll assume they are not coming and I'll take them off the guest list (Im so mean) I'm just refusing to chase people after the RSVP date, have given them plenty of time and choice.

    Now dreading my make up and hair trial as MIL is coming, the way she has been lately I'm sure she'll hate everything (she seen me in my dress and the first thing she said was about my tattoo) 

  • MrsK2017MrsK2017 Posts: 230 New bride

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with that, sounds like she just wants to be a bitch! The thing is, if she's being a cow about everything, you know her comments aren't genuine. Please don't let her get to you! At the end of the day, to be blunt, if she thinks the suit is horrible etc, it's not her wedding day, she's not even wearing the suit, so she needs to calm her shit a bit, for want of a better term. I can see why you wouldn't want to chase up RSVPs.. you would have thought people would be excited to send them back, but nope... 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    It's crazy how shes acting. Hah I said exactly the same to H2B that it's lucky that she doesn't need to wear the suit then. It is like she is being a cow for no reason but unsure why, she's always been so lovely until we started planning now, well she's a pain haha! 

  • MrsK2017MrsK2017 Posts: 230 New bride

    Is there a bit of jealousy that she's not centre of attention, or is she struggling a bit with the fact her boy is getting married? Some mum's see it as quite a final thing? Just don't let her get to you, and don't let her ruin your wedding planning. Is it worth mentioning to her that she's been quite negative during this process, and ask if there is a reason why? Or maybe is there a way to include her more on the day? 

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    I'm waiting for the last of mine and it is painful! September is still a while away though. I also get annoyed when family don't respond - I still need to know your menu choices!

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    MrsK2017 wrote (see post):

    Is there a bit of jealousy that she's not centre of attention, or is she struggling a bit with the fact her boy is getting married? Some mum's see it as quite a final thing? Just don't let her get to you, and don't let her ruin your wedding planning. Is it worth mentioning to her that she's been quite negative during this process, and ask if there is a reason why? Or maybe is there a way to include her more on the day? 

    Well I think it started when we set the date, my SIL got engaged first but wanted to wait 5 years before they got married which takes them to 2020, we got engaged 6 months later and wanted to get married this year so she wasn't impressed as she wanted it after SIL's but we didn't want a long engagement. Then the first bits came out; "oh your wedding will be like a trial run for SIL" "it's too early to go dress shopping" that was 11 months before "why didn't you wait for us to go dress shopping" because every date I've tried to work around you guys never worked and lots of other little niggles happened. Then her mum died suddenly, it was a terrible time for everyone and she just spiralled from there and has got to the way she is now.

    Ive tried my best to include her but she just is not interested, she huffed and puffed at helping me find a veil, told her she didn't have to but she pursued and then I got the tattoo comment. I've tried asking about jewellery but keeps showing me poppies and demanding a wear a necklace that I don't want to wear *sigh* lately I just keep everything to myself lol. Sorry for the rant

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    Hails wrote (see post):

    I'm waiting for the last of mine and it is painful! September is still a while away though. I also get annoyed when family don't respond - I still need to know your menu choices!

    You're right it is so painful! I know September is a while a way, actually no it's not 🙈 It's August on Tuesday! Where's time going! Why do family seem to be the worst at responding! It's crazy!

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    Your MIL sounds delightful! Luckily mine has gone on holiday for five weeks and will be back four days before the wedding 👍🏻

    RSVPs are so annoying. The number of RSVPs we had without a food choice... it's literally a tickbox!! Depending on what mood I was in that day, ive ordered the vegetarian option for them. Mwhahaha. His brother even tried to order two meals!!

  • MrsK2017MrsK2017 Posts: 230 New bride
    Myrtle wrote (see post):
    MrsK2017 wrote (see post):

    Is there a bit of jealousy that she's not centre of attention, or is she struggling a bit with the fact her boy is getting married? Some mum's see it as quite a final thing? Just don't let her get to you, and don't let her ruin your wedding planning. Is it worth mentioning to her that she's been quite negative during this process, and ask if there is a reason why? Or maybe is there a way to include her more on the day? 

    Well I think it started when we set the date, my SIL got engaged first but wanted to wait 5 years before they got married which takes them to 2020, we got engaged 6 months later and wanted to get married this year so she wasn't impressed as she wanted it after SIL's but we didn't want a long engagement. Then the first bits came out; "oh your wedding will be like a trial run for SIL" "it's too early to go dress shopping" that was 11 months before "why didn't you wait for us to go dress shopping" because every date I've tried to work around you guys never worked and lots of other little niggles happened. Then her mum died suddenly, it was a terrible time for everyone and she just spiralled from there and has got to the way she is now.

    Ive tried my best to include her but she just is not interested, she huffed and puffed at helping me find a veil, told her she didn't have to but she pursued and then I got the tattoo comment. I've tried asking about jewellery but keeps showing me poppies and demanding a wear a necklace that I don't want to wear *sigh* lately I just keep everything to myself lol. Sorry for the rant

    Eurgh, what a pain! Well if she's acting like this just because she wants her daughter to get married, she needs to grow up a little bit. If she's got nothing nice to say, she needs to stop saying things! Don't apologise, I think you're certainly justified in being frustrated and annoyed. 

  • MissSMissS Posts: 267 New bride

    Im getting married in Nov too- Our RSVP date is 5th Aug- gives me time to chase people for final numbers on 5th Sept then wedding 5th Nov- still waiting on quite a few response's! Weve also sad to put initial in menu choice box ( so then I can write it in the name card so they don't forget) The amount of people who have just ticked is ridiculous! Why don't people read invites properly!

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    Helen225 wrote (see post):

    Your MIL sounds delightful! Luckily mine has gone on holiday for five weeks and will be back four days before the wedding 👍🏻

    RSVPs are so annoying. The number of RSVPs we had without a food choice... it's literally a tickbox!! Depending on what mood I was in that day, ive ordered the vegetarian option for them. Mwhahaha. His brother even tried to order two meals!!

    Ooo I wish mine would go on holiday for a while but no, she's announced that she and FIL are coming down for the weekend gahhhh! 

    Haha my brother said "I'll just have the Italian meat platter" erm that's just one of the starters, you also have a main and pudding to pick "oh, I'll look again"

    I may just copy you and put vegetarian option for people haha! 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    MrsK2017 wrote (see post):
    Myrtle wrote (see post):
    MrsK2017 wrote (see post):

    Is there a bit of jealousy that she's not centre of attention, or is she struggling a bit with the fact her boy is getting married? Some mum's see it as quite a final thing? Just don't let her get to you, and don't let her ruin your wedding planning. Is it worth mentioning to her that she's been quite negative during this process, and ask if there is a reason why? Or maybe is there a way to include her more on the day? 

    Well I think it started when we set the date, my SIL got engaged first but wanted to wait 5 years before they got married which takes them to 2020, we got engaged 6 months later and wanted to get married this year so she wasn't impressed as she wanted it after SIL's but we didn't want a long engagement. Then the first bits came out; "oh your wedding will be like a trial run for SIL" "it's too early to go dress shopping" that was 11 months before "why didn't you wait for us to go dress shopping" because every date I've tried to work around you guys never worked and lots of other little niggles happened. Then her mum died suddenly, it was a terrible time for everyone and she just spiralled from there and has got to the way she is now.

    Ive tried my best to include her but she just is not interested, she huffed and puffed at helping me find a veil, told her she didn't have to but she pursued and then I got the tattoo comment. I've tried asking about jewellery but keeps showing me poppies and demanding a wear a necklace that I don't want to wear *sigh* lately I just keep everything to myself lol. Sorry for the rant

    Eurgh, what a pain! Well if she's acting like this just because she wants her daughter to get married, she needs to grow up a little bit. If she's got nothing nice to say, she needs to stop saying things! Don't apologise, I think you're certainly justified in being frustrated and annoyed. 

    It is crazy, many comments for what SIL likes, heck I changed a dress because SIL wanted it after, although she wants my dress I have now but that's a whole other story! To cut it short my dress will change to a cocktail dress after the wedding mwahahaha!

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    MissS wrote (see post):

    Im getting married in Nov too- Our RSVP date is 5th Aug- gives me time to chase people for final numbers on 5th Sept then wedding 5th Nov- still waiting on quite a few response's! Weve also sad to put initial in menu choice box ( so then I can write it in the name card so they don't forget) The amount of people who have just ticked is ridiculous! Why don't people read invites properly!

    I wish I done a August RSVP, so much stress. My date is the day before yours! Exciting! Reading invites is obviously very difficult! 

  • bride8bride8 Posts: 38

    Hi Myrtle

     

    I can see why your getting frustrated! Our wedding is in September, and we asked for all the RSVPs to be returned by July, but some people didn't! We ended up chasing a few people by phone and email, asking for it to be returned so we can complete the menu. Its wedding etiquette, Im so surprised that people don't think its important to reply!! 

    With regards to your food choices, you are being more than accommodating offering 3 choices for each course!! We have only one choice (plus a veggie option) We had our mums moaning abut our choices because certain people wouldn't like it, but at the end of the day its your wedding, you should have what you and your H2B would want. You really cant please everyone! 

    There were a few moments when i wish i had eloped! But all that has passed now and Im excited of the day! Im sure you will feel the same very soon too. Good luck! 

     

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    bride8Myrtle wrote (see post):

    Hi Myrtle

     

    I can see why your getting frustrated! Our wedding is in September, and we asked for all the RSVPs to be returned by July, but some people didn't! We ended up chasing a few people by phone and email, asking for it to be returned so we can complete the menu. Its wedding etiquette, Im so surprised that people don't think its important to reply!! 

    With regards to your food choices, you are being more than accommodating offering 3 choices for each course!! We have only one choice (plus a veggie option) We had our mums moaning abut our choices because certain people wouldn't like it, but at the end of the day its your wedding, you should have what you and your H2B would want. You really cant please everyone! 

    There were a few moments when i wish i had eloped! But all that has passed now and Im excited of the day! Im sure you will feel the same very soon too. Good luck! 

     

    It does baffle me why people don't reply! I'm not trying to please people anymore, letting steam off on here has really helped. Everyone is just so kind and has so much advice it's lovely to just vent. We've hit the 99 day mark so that was a little exciting even if it is just me that's excited lol.

  • Mrs AyseMrs Ayse Posts: 561

    I put my foot down last night with my MIL and told her that if people have decided they are too big to write out an RSVP and send it to me, even with a stamp, then they don't deserve to be at our wedding.  We are less than a month away now and his parents are saying really silly stuff like 'oh surely you're not going to fill the tables, so just leave an empty chair'.  I wanted to really have a go, but hopefully held myself back enough and just said that after over a year of planning, I think I know what I'm doing.

    With the RSVP's, not sure whether this might be helpful, but I had a load made up extra and called people - noted their requirements and asked them not to bother to send. 

    I then put that RSVP in a pile and done 'wedding admin' at the end of the week so I knew where I was.

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    AyseO wrote (see post):

    I put my foot down last night with my MIL and told her that if people have decided they are too big to write out an RSVP and send it to me, even with a stamp, then they don't deserve to be at our wedding.  We are less than a month away now and his parents are saying really silly stuff like 'oh surely you're not going to fill the tables, so just leave an empty chair'.  I wanted to really have a go, but hopefully held myself back enough and just said that after over a year of planning, I think I know what I'm doing.

    With the RSVP's, not sure whether this might be helpful, but I had a load made up extra and called people - noted their requirements and asked them not to bother to send. 

    I then put that RSVP in a pile and done 'wedding admin' at the end of the week so I knew where I was.

    It is crazy! Our RSVPs are either email, FB or text and they just have to pick 1,2 or 3 on each course but hey ho too difficult. 

    Just leave an empty chair! I would have had a pop you done well to hold back. 

    My MOH got me a wedding book with RSVP bits in so I'll be using that. I'm hoping with my prompt I've recently sent people I'll be getting some back soon but I won't hold my breath. I think I'll end up saying that anyone that hasn't RSVP'd by 4th Sept I'll just assume they are not coming and take them off the list. 

  • Laura765Laura765 Posts: 85

    It's my wedding next Saturday and on that front I've been pretty brutal. Our venue set aside rooms for out guests to book at a reduced rate (30 rooms) that were boo a year to the day onwards. A week later (so 2016) I messaged the link to all day guests and advised them invites would follow. 

    Feb - sent actual invites and evening then also sending the room link to the evening Folk as it's given the day guest months to book their rooms. 

    Menu choice - they didn't get one. The two I've attended recently we didn't get a choice and no one complained so i took that approach. Plus I didn't want the 'oh well I ordered this ....' debacle when the waiters are serving. everyones been informed and had the chance to tell me diet requirements etc and no ones said anything so in my mind that's tough. 

    I did last week have a cousin confirm they won't be attending (yes two weeks before the day!) however that said cousin never replied to any of the above so she wasnt included anyway. i was very blunt to EVERYONE that if I get no answer I'm not assuming anything. I even had to ask my Dad to confirm!!! (Though there is more to that) 

    so my advice is don't worry! You've given your last RSVP date with plenty of notice. They're adults after all and you've got enough to do xx

  • AureaAurea Posts: 46

    I know exactly how you all are feeling. RSVP's are so incredibly stressful. Our wedding is in September as well and people just can't be bothered to tell us anything, saying that it is still too early for them to know! The only good thing is that we need to give our last numbers two weeks before the wedding. So at least that is good. 

    We also gave people menu choices but after a while just decided to do a buffet instead. It was too hard for people to reply. Even my half sister couldn't be bothered to tell us that they will not be coming!

    I have regretted doing this whole thing quite a few times by now. Sometimes I really wish I have just listened to my fiance and just gotten married at Maldives or where not with just few people there.

    Oh well ,we are getting married and that is the most important thing. We will have an amazing party and it is their loss if they don't come.

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