Non traditional top table

MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

Weve decided not to have our parents on the top table with us, far too many divorces and step parents and pains in the arses involved.

Is anyone else having a non traditional table?

Were either having us and 2 best men and 2 bridesmaids, or a sweetheart table.

We did think about having us and our 3 children but quicklu vetoed that, eating out with them is a messy nightmare at the best of times, never mind with me in a big white dress!


  • Kelly224Kelly224 Posts: 962 New bride

    We are going a little bit non traditional as we are just having us and both sets of parents. No MOH or best man as the MOH is my sister who will need to sit with her 3 kids and we've got 2 best men one of which will need to sit with his daughter and step son so thought it would be easier to sit them with the rest of the guests. The best men will just make their speech from their table. 

  • MrsK2017MrsK2017 Posts: 230 New bride

    We're not having a top table or a seating plan purely because we're having a pretty small wedding, so don't really need one, however, both the sweetheart table and the best man / bridesmaid table sound really nice. I'm almost tempted to say lean towards the sweetheart table so you get to catch your breath for a minute and a few minutes with your new husband! 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    We are going for MOH and Best Man on the top table with us, it would get to big otherwise (not that the MIL is happy about that, tough really) 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    We are the same, both sets of parents divorced and both mums are remarried, both dads single. We are having myself, H2B, our daughter, my bridesmaids and his bestmen (he has more than one). My sister did similar at her wedding 2 years ago and it worked well :)

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    We are having my daughters as they are bridedmaids my moh is also my friend and her husband who is giving me away then best man and h2b ex girlsfriends son who is an adult and sees h2b as nearest father figure.    But my step mum and sisters are close by and the table is one long horseshoe shape.  

  • EpiphanyEpiphany Posts: 718

    Mrs J2017, I can see you want to protect your dress from cute little sticky fingers!  If you can find someone to keep an eye on them then maybe a table with your 4 attendants is better - but I bet you won't keep your little ones away for long! :)

    We won't be traditional as neither of us have living parents, but we've got to decide whether we have our children (6 of them between us) and their partners (where applicable!) on a table with us.... h2b's son is best man, and my youngest son is giving me away, my daughter is a sort of MOH although we aren't 'doing' bridesmaids etc ... but that would be 10 or 11 people on one table.

    I'm thinking my children - and h2b's - may be happier sitting with their cousins/other family members who they don't see that often now they are all grown up and dispersed around the country.

    Hmmm - a sweetheart table is very very tempting, but I think it would appear odd to our families.  We don't see our children as often as we'd like to, so it seems a shame to sit apart from them.  But then we could mingle I suppose.  Tricky!


  • Alex52Alex52 Posts: 164

    We're doing a sweetheart table as my father passed away and I didn't want to put my mum (or myself) through the heartache of him being missing (any more than we already will be). I didn't want to sit with the Best man as I don't particularly like him . He's my H2B oldest friend but he's always making out he's better than him. I'm looking forward to us being able to spend time just us two and mingle if we want. 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Weve decided on a sweetheart table, Im really looking forward to it 😁

    As mentioned itll be really nice to have a little quiet and time 'alone', although still surrounded by loved ones, and be able to survey our kingdom as such. And for me to point out to h2b all my planning.

    Plus no worries about parents and step parents being offended, they can all be equally offended together! And BMs and best men can sit with their friends and families.

    I did see one where they had empty seats placed in front so guests could come and chat between courses, its a nice idea but I thought it might feel a bit forced and job interviewish.

  • Sweetheart !!! 

    As the rest of the girls..  divorced parents- step parents. 

    Did want just us BM. MOH and x2 b.maids and 1 usher but best man wanted his girlingfeild and son also at table.. Not fair on the others to leave out their partners so we chucked that idea and went with sweetheart ! 

    As MrsJ2017 said it will be nice to have that 'alone time with the new hubby. 

    Good luck xxxx

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 405 New bride

    We're having ours laid out like this from left to right:

    My step mum, my dad, my mum, me, h2b, h2b's mum, h2b's dad.

    H2B has 3 best men and I no longer have a MOH, and one of my bridesmaids has a 5 year old and a husband she wants to sit with (understandably so), so we're leaving them off the top table . My step mum has also been in my life since I was 18months and I'm lucky that my mum understands my reasoning behind sitting her on the top table.

    I've had people tell me it's not traditional for my mum to sit next to me, but h2b's mum wouldn't be comfortable sitting next to my dad in the traditional layout, nor am I prepared to sit my mum between my dad and step mum, so we've just done what works for us. 

    You just need to do what is right for you and you H2B. 


  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,797 New bride

    We had a non traditional top table. Not because of divorce (although my parents are divorced, my birth father wasn't invited), but because of hubby's mum needing to sit with his two aunts who don't speak much English. Couldn't have them all on the top table and couldn't have my parents and not his mum as it would offend her! So we put the parents on tables with their relatives and had my sister, her husband, the two best men and their girlfriends. We also had a round top table- I hate those long ones where you can only talk to the two people next to you!

    It worked really well, nobody minded the arrangement. Just have a think about what you will do for the speeches if the speech-givers are not all at your table. My step dad just stood in the space between our two tables and that worked out fine.

  • SarahNov17SarahNov17 Posts: 160

    We have just been working on our table plan and we would prefer the "top table" to be a round one so we are in amongst people. We haven't really gone with the traditional set up either - our table consists of us 2, my bridesman & his partner, 1 bridesmaid, the best man (OH's brother), his wife and their 2 year old (the flower girl). My other bridesmaid & her hubby are on the table with my parents, my brother & his partner and their 2 kids (the page boys). OH's parents aren't coming.

    I do need to think about the people who are doing speeches, as at the moment it is OH, best man (same table) and my dad & brother (same table) but I guess they could each stand in the space between.....

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I think with speeches we will just either have them just stand wherever theyre seats are, or designate a space they can stand in, maybe get a podium to make them extra nervous 😜 We wont have traditional speeches either so Im not too bothered.

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