Any advice re potential evening guests

Can anyone advise, or has anyone been in a similar position?.

I have 2 beautiful boys from a previous relationship. They don't have any relationship with their 'dad' BUT some of his family still bother to keep in touch with myself, and H2B and obviously the boys. His grandma keeps in touch the most and rings/texts etc to ask after the boys, always exchange birthday/Christmas gifts and they send eggs at Easter, things like that. 

Anyway, boys grandma rang me the other day, she was asking questions about the wedding, asking if I would send her photos as she'd love to see the boys in their little suits etc. I got the feeling from the phone call that she would have loved to be at the wedding. I was speaking to my mum about this conversation last night and she suggested I invited them to the evening reception. We're keeping our main ceremony as just close family. As much as I think this would be nice, I know for a fact they'd love to be there, would it not seem strange to have some of my ex's family at my wedding? 

Has anyone found themselves in a similar position? Any advice?? I'm really torn on this! Thanks x

Posts

  • What does your husband to be think? If he is ok with it why not? Or if he's not then invite her to watch you arrive at church with the children so she can get a pic? 

  • H2B is perfectly fine with it. I think it's more me that's unsure about it. X

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    Mmmm I am still 'friends with my ex' and my daughter still seems him every other weekend.... However, i think there is a bit of a line that shouldn't be crossed and I won't be invited any of his side of the family to the wedding or evening do.

    Its not even something I have 'pondered over'... It's our day.  To be honest I wouldn't expect an invite to his up coming wedding either.

  • I don't think it's anyone's place to judge. Your relationship with your ex may be over but that doesn't suddenly mean you have no relationship with his family. 

    Really, you're doing it for an old woman and her grandchildren. There's nothing wrong with that.

  • Amy491Amy491 Posts: 58

    Depending how far away she lives could the boys pop round once they’ve got ready? I think it’s be nice for her to see them but I don’t know how I’d feel having ex’s family at the reception. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440
    Amy491 wrote (see post):

    Depending how far away she lives could the boys pop round once they’ve got ready? I think it’s be nice for her to see them but I don’t know how I’d feel having ex’s family at the reception. 

    👍👍👍👍👍👍

  • If you get on well with your ex's grandma, your hubby-to-be is totally fine with it and it is within your budget, then I would invite them along.

    But that's just me. I don't really care much for customs that tell me what I have to do. On my wedding, I will do as I please. 

    I wouldn't see it as a reflection of your past relationship. Simply that you are inviting people who you and your kids are close too.

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    I actually miss my ex mother in law. She was always team mum but my ex has banned us from speaking. We used to talk quite often. 

    If I could I would invite my ex mother in law. 

  • Cake18Cake18 Posts: 93
    DandelionBlue wrote (see post):

    If you get on well with your ex's grandma, your hubby-to-be is totally fine with it and it is within your budget, then I would invite them along.

    But that's just me. I don't really care much for customs that tell me what I have to do. On my wedding, I will do as I please. 

    I wouldn't see it as a reflection of your past relationship. Simply that you are inviting people who you and your kids are close too.

    I agree with this. 

    Plus if it WAS a reflection on your past relationship surely it's a good one as it shows you were cared for/an appreciated member of a family. So so often after a couple split, there's no relationship between the family and children and I always find that awful and sad. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    My aunt had her ex and his new partner at her evening do, and invited my dad and grandparents to it as well (my mum's sister so my dad was her ex brother in law and my grandparents were my mum's ex in laws and no technical relation to her but we all moved in a small place and all got on), it was fine and everyone was happy and all the kids involved (me my sis and our cousin) were all very happy to see these family members :)

  • ABtobeABtobe Posts: 44

    Hi! 

    My mum is very close to my dad's side of the family and they all (his aunties, sisters, mum and dad) came to her wedding to my step dad ten years ago so I wouldn't see it as weird at all! 

    My dad remarried two years ago and my mum and step dad came to the whole of their wedding including the ceremony.

    I wouldn't worry about what people think as long as you and H2B are happy and comfortable with it!

     

  • Thank you for all the advice.

    TBH I would never have considered inviting her, and other members of that family who still keep in touch if it wasn't for my mum suggesting it. She did seem genuinely interested in the wedding when we spoke on the phone the other day. And I do think it's nice for the boys that she does still keep in touch with us. Ahh, I'm so torn between this! 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    If it hadn't crossed your mind before then there is your answer... I'm getting genuine interest from customers but I'm not going to invite them.

    Its completely up to you though.. If you can't shift it from your mind then go for it.

     Would you invite her to birthday parties Normally?  If it was a 'children' event then I would definitely say go for it but in all honesty she has no place in your marriage to your husband to be.

  • You hit the nail on the head there! It's only because my mum mentioned inviting them that it's become an option whether or not to invite them. H2B thinks I should invite them though! :( X

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440

    Mmm tough one then.. if he thinks you should then you might have to consider it.  Don't let it cause an arguement.

  • We did invite my OH's ex inlaws; they are closer to his kids than any of the other grandparents or "step" grandparents. Any issues he had with them are long dead and buried, and I've met them and they were nice to me.  I think it depends entirely on your relationship with them and how important it also is to the kids. No one else can really gauge that for you.

    There are other family members from his ex's side that there is NO WAY we would ever invite or ever even really wish to see again.  Honesty, there are blood members of our families that we'd rather not have invited or won't invite.

    That's one thing you learn when there are children involved from a previous relationship - the other side never goes away, whether you want them to or not - and the best thing to do in any situation is whatever is most beneficial to the kids. 

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