Wedding planning makes me miserable

Sorry for the rant/ sad post coming but I’m just so so fed up and miserable and feel like Im going to burst into Tears every time someone mentions the wedding.

I’m fed up with making decisions and the fear they’ll be wrong, I’m fed up with how much money it is all costing, of people tell me to ‘cheer up’ and that I should love the planning stage. Of my family not being remotely interested in the wedding or how I’m feeling about it all.

I feel like loosing our deposits (£850) so far and just running away abroad. Like I wanted to in the first place.

Anyone else feel like this? or have any advice?

Thanks from a very tearful bride x

Posts

  • Hey hun, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way :( 

    Planning should be fun and exciting but it sounds to me like the reason you're upset is because the wedding you are planning isn't the wedding you really want.

    I think you need to have a real think about what you want and what your partner wants. If you want to elope abroad and have an intimate do, then go for it! Don't let anyone tell you what you "must" do for your wedding, it's your day!

    If for whatever reason you want to stick to your current plan, I think it might be worth just leaving the planning for a bit and have a break :/

     

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 1,886 New bride

    I totally feel you. I always wanted to just go abroad, and seeing how little interest friends and family have in our wedding has really cemented that feeling. I'm still planning but I'm at a point where 75% of the guests are my fiancé's, he wants the wedding but has done precious little of the planning, and I'm chucking loads of stuff in the fuck it bucket and keeping the wedding super simple because honestly, I just don't care about a lot of it!

    I had a meltdown yesterday as we are now at a point where my fiancé's best men have planned and booked his whole stag, and I still haven't successfully managed to get my bridesmaids just to come to my house for a cup of tea at the same time to even start talking about mine. My fiancé thinks I should just plan it myself, but I bloody planned theirs, so they can do the same for me!

  • Honestly if it's making you this miserable, I think you should seriously consider eloping. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. There was a bride on here last week doing an elopement wedding looking for photographer recommendations as she would obviously only be needing one for a short period of time and not a huge expensive package; several brides replied that they knew of 'togs that have now added elopement packages due to the growing popularity in elopement weddings!  I'd also like to add that elopements aren't what they used to be; they usually aren't a secret, you can still wear a wedding dress, and you can even have people attend if you want them to.

    Wedding planning can absolutely have its stressful moments, but it shouldn't be all-out misery. Is saving the £850 more important than feeling happy during the remaining months? Is £850 more important that having pleasant memories of the run-up to your marriage?

  • GlitterQueen wrote (see post):

    Hey hun, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way :( 

    Planning should be fun and exciting but it sounds to me like the reason you're upset is because the wedding you are planning isn't the wedding you really want.

    I think you need to have a real think about what you want and what your partner wants. If you want to elope abroad and have an intimate do, then go for it! Don't let anyone tell you what you "must" do for your wedding, it's your day!

    If for whatever reason you want to stick to your current plan, I think it might be worth just leaving the planning for a bit and have a break :/

     

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. In all honesty when we first got engaged I wanted the big day with friends and family but seeing how much it all costs and how much can go wrong it’s tipping me over the edge. I wish I could but we are booked to be married on the 14th September and it’s a DIY marquee wedding (as we didn’t like any venues we saw) so involves so much more. Which perhaps was a mistake too. Thanks again x

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I totally feel you. I always wanted to just go abroad, and seeing how little interest friends and family have in our wedding has really cemented that feeling. I'm still planning but I'm at a point where 75% of the guests are my fiancé's, he wants the wedding but has done precious little of the planning, and I'm chucking loads of stuff in the fuck it bucket and keeping the wedding super simple because honestly, I just don't care about a lot of it!

    I had a meltdown yesterday as we are now at a point where my fiancé's best men have planned and booked his whole stag, and I still haven't successfully managed to get my bridesmaids just to come to my house for a cup of tea at the same time to even start talking about mine. My fiancé thinks I should just plan it myself, but I bloody planned theirs, so they can do the same for me!

    I’m so sorry your in the same position as me. It’s so awful isn’t it. That’s terrible, although again I’m similar with the BM my sister is one but currently in her 3rd year of uni doing her dissertation so I’ll let her off. My other BM however has been totally useless and uninterested and I even asked her last week if she still wanted to be a BM. 

    I hope things cheer up for you. x

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    Honestly if it's making you this miserable, I think you should seriously consider eloping. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. There was a bride on here last week doing an elopement wedding looking for photographer recommendations as she would obviously only be needing one for a short period of time and not a huge expensive package; several brides replied that they knew of 'togs that have now added elopement packages due to the growing popularity in elopement weddings!  I'd also like to add that elopements aren't what they used to be; they usually aren't a secret, you can still wear a wedding dress, and you can even have people attend if you want them to.

    Wedding planning can absolutely have its stressful moments, but it shouldn't be all-out misery. Is saving the £850 more important than feeling happy during the remaining months? Is £850 more important that having pleasant memories of the run-up to your marriage?

    Thanks for replying. I think I’ll worry if we run off/ do it abroad down the line I’ll regret it and wished we’d had the ‘proper’ day. Especially as since loosing my nan and dad I wished Id been able to get married with them there and have the lovely photos and memories to look back on. If that makes sense? And I know all my friends who have married loved it, including the one who hates planning x

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    If it helps we had a complete DIY wedding and I felt unsure if we were doing the right thing multiple times. But the end result was so so worth it. 

    I've set up my own business off the back of it- and always happy to chat weddings and ideas x

  • I do empathise, I sort of assumed I’d love planning as I enjoyed daydreaming about ‘the day’ before we were engaged. However noone actually has to attend your daydreams and you can have as many variations as you like! The making decisions part is harder. We’ve only booked the venue so far and I found that quite anxiety inducing and still keep worrying I’ve got it ‘wrong’ somehow. 

    You have 9 months or so to go, would it be so terrible if you took a month or even a few weeks off? Might give you time to reset and rediscover a bit of enthusiasm? If there really are pressing things you can’t leave, could you delegate a bit and assign some jobs? Maybe sit with your fiancé and list the things that are really essential and have to happen in order for you to get married - obviously the ceremony and official/legal stuff are the bare essentials, but also focus on what it will take to get the guests you absolutely want there to be there and to be decently fed and provided for. So inviting them, getting them from ceremony to reception, drinks and feeding them, So even if you really can’t take a complete break from planning, maybe focus on those things for the foreseeable, tick them off as you go and then don’t worry about them again  - as long as you keep you and your partner‘s happiness and your guests’ comfort in mind you are not going to make a wrong decision. If you focus on the essentials for a bit, one at a time, it may not feel so overwhelming? 

  • Sian91 wrote (see post):

    If it helps we had a complete DIY wedding and I felt unsure if we were doing the right thing multiple times. But the end result was so so worth it. 

    I've set up my own business off the back of it- and always happy to chat weddings and ideas x

    Thank you for replying. Its nice to hear someone else DIY and it’s amazing you set up your own business. Funnily enough I can plan anything for friends and family, including their weddings! But my own has been horrible. It would be great to know what you DIYed x

  • CavalierBride wrote (see post):

    I do empathise, I sort of assumed I’d love planning as I enjoyed daydreaming about ‘the day’ before we were engaged. However noone actually has to attend your daydreams and you can have as many variations as you like! The making decisions part is harder. We’ve only booked the venue so far and I found that quite anxiety inducing and still keep worrying I’ve got it ‘wrong’ somehow. 

    You have 9 months or so to go, would it be so terrible if you took a month or even a few weeks off? Might give you time to reset and rediscover a bit of enthusiasm? If there really are pressing things you can’t leave, could you delegate a bit and assign some jobs? Maybe sit with your fiancé and list the things that are really essential and have to happen in order for you to get married - obviously the ceremony and official/legal stuff are the bare essentials, but also focus on what it will take to get the guests you absolutely want there to be there and to be decently fed and provided for. So inviting them, getting them from ceremony to reception, drinks and feeding them, So even if you really can’t take a complete break from planning, maybe focus on those things for the foreseeable, tick them off as you go and then don’t worry about them again  - as long as you keep you and your partner‘s happiness and your guests’ comfort in mind you are not going to make a wrong decision. If you focus on the essentials for a bit, one at a time, it may not feel so overwhelming? 

    I was exactly the same I couldn’t wait to be engaged and loved the first few months but once we started getting prices for everything and actsilly start making decisions and putting deposits down it’s all gone a bit down hill.

    Id love a break but I’m worried that if I’m a few months time i do decide this is what I/we want we’ll be stuck trying to find suppliers for things. X

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride
    jjward2019 wrote (see post):
    Sian91 wrote (see post):

    If it helps we had a complete DIY wedding and I felt unsure if we were doing the right thing multiple times. But the end result was so so worth it. 

    I've set up my own business off the back of it- and always happy to chat weddings and ideas x

    Thank you for replying. Its nice to hear someone else DIY and it’s amazing you set up your own business. Funnily enough I can plan anything for friends and family, including their weddings! But my own has been horrible. It would be great to know what you DIYed x

    We literally had 4 walls- we hired tables, chairs and plates and made/bought everything else. We did flowers, made our ceremony backdrop, a friend and I did our signage, we had lots of candles and foliage with fairy lights and sacked off favours. Feel free to DM me if you want any help x

  • I was the exact same as you - I had a meltdown due to guest list dramas and our wedding date having to change. Luckily we had a holiday booked and found that a week away was just what we needed to get away from the wedding stress. It's also nearly Christmas so that is a lovely distraction :) Are you able to go away for a weekend somewhere to take your mind off things?

  • OrganisedBridexxxx wrote (see post):

    I was the exact same as you - I had a meltdown due to guest list dramas and our wedding date having to change. Luckily we had a holiday booked and found that a week away was just what we needed to get away from the wedding stress. It's also nearly Christmas so that is a lovely distraction :) Are you able to go away for a weekend somewhere to take your mind off things?

    Hi, thank you for replying. I think that's part of our problem - I work in travel so have been lucky enough to have 1 or 2 holidays each year and this year, due to a house move and the wedding we haven't been away and I know it sounds terrible but I think it's really affected us not having a proper break away together. Sadly not my OH has no time off left and I think Christmas will actually be the opposite as we'll have family we don't see too much coming and asking every question possible about the wedding! 

  • ConnyConny Posts: 3

    So sorry to read your story, dear. Preparing for your wedding should be the most exciting time of your life!! Just follow your heart and not your family's expectations!! Is there anything I can help you with? Let me know. Conny. 

  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 278 New bride

    Hi jjward, I was also finding it all too much until recently when it all started falling into place. 

    How does your fiance feel about the planning? Is it also stressing him out? If it is, could you downscale it into a more intimate and manageable event? Remember, the most important bit is the part where you exchange vows. Everything else is just added if you want it.

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