Need a reality check I think!

bohobride0719bohobride0719 Posts: 93 New bride
edited 11 October in Planning



  • MrsS2019MrsS2019 Posts: 137 New bride
    Maybe you should have a weekend away with your partner or just a couple of days not thinking about the wedding or anything. Children can be difficult at a wedding having 2 myself however newborns and young babies will be much easier because they mostly sleep and only tend to wake up for milk or a nappy change, things which can be dealt with quickly and easily. 

    You can still have a great hen do. I was pregnant with my 2nd when my friend had hers and she planned it before I knew I was pregnant but I still had great fun and didn't drink (still went to a couple of bars though). So being pregnant doesn't have to completely ruin your plans just maybe adjust them. My hen do is an all day thing so spa day, then a meal out in the evening, then going out for drinks/cocktails afterwards so there's something for everyone. 

    I am also studying for a degree whilst planning and having my wedding so I can understand the stress of it. My best advice would be to see if you can get an extension on any assignments due around then or see if you can get ahead of it and get them submitted before your wedding I've got one due a week after my wedding! Best thing with studying is being organised! And only those who are studying and planing a wedding can understand how stressful it can actually be. I had to take a break for a month from studying due to an injury I had received and family situations so wasn't the best and that really put me back. I've just managed to catch up working every night over the past 2 weeks. So take a break and focus on one or the other at a time and leave your bridesmaid to it, there's nothing you can really do if they decide they don't want to do something (stressful as it can be for you) and just have some back up plans just in case.
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 820 New bride

    I totally understand where you are coming from as I was in the exact same situation about six months ago. Like you I suffer from anxiety, and the wedding planning was all getting too much. I think this is all perfectly normal.

    We had a long engagement so by the time our wedding came along there were five new babies in the group. Two of my three bridesmaids became pregnant during the engagement (one had a new-born at the wedding, the other was still pregnant).

    I was making my own bouquets and worried they would look rubbish and wouldn't be done in time.

    I was also studying a degree at the time and had my dissertation due a couple of months after the wedding.

    I know it seems like a nice idea to just disappear and elope and forget all the wedding stuff, but you would regret it afterwards, I think! Due to all these things, my wedding day wasn’t perfect, but it was still wonderful, and I’m sure it will be the same for you.

    My hen party was not the drink-fest I had hoped for, but my friends had still made the effort for me. We had to have it three months early due to the bridesmaid’s pregnancy, and several other friends weren’t able to come at all due to new-borns. I then tried to organise a cocktail night on my husband’s stag night, but that fell flat on its face because of either new-born babies, newly announced pregnancies, and a break up which resulted in one of the bridesmaid’s leaving the country that week! So I never got my big alcohol party that I desperately wanted before I got married.

    On the wedding day, the new-born baby had to be factored into the ‘getting ready’ party, and only two of us were able to drink the Bucks Fizz I had bought for the occasion.

    At the ceremony I was aware of screaming children a lot of the time. At the reception, a lot of people had to leave early to get their little ones home.

    But the fact is, there is absolutely nothing we could do about any of this. People have still made the effort to be there for us, even though some had to leave early. And we still had an amazing time with all the people who weren’t child-laden!

    I have found that (being one month post-wedding) all the things I thought would upset me on the day haven’t bothered me much at all. Yes, I wish people could have stayed longer, or drank, or could have heard the readings in the service, but you can’t stop these things from happening. Just like you can’t stop people being ill and having to pull out last minute.

    Unfortunately I don’t have much advice, because I know exactly how you feel (I was cursing the universe whenever anything beyond my control happened that affected our perfect day!), but I can say that once you get to the other side, you will realise you still had an amazingly special day, despite everything that didn’t go how you wished it would.

    In regards to the degree, I had to withdraw temporarily from it as I was falling behind with work. Is this an option for you? Check with your student union rep about the university’s special circumstances policy to see if there is anything that can help ease the pressure.

  • I'm glad it's not just me who felt this way :) thanks for your support ladies, your messages made me feel a lot less alone in this! xx
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