Guest list dilemma

So here I am sat doing our save the dates and I'm having panics about the wedding guest list :( Our venue deal is for 60 people during the day (£100 per head for every extra person). When we initally drew up the guest list I was happy because I was like he has a big family I have a very small one so I can afford to invite friends to the day do instead of just the evening. Fast forward to now and I've realised actually with plus ones my guest list is bigger because the majority of cousins have all married and since we went to their weddings I invited their other halfs (plus they are travelling down from up north). However we haven't really allocated any plus ones on his side except for the married ones however we could afford to do that if I cut my friends from the day guest list.

I've already considered cutting one person who I went to high school with and was invited to her wedding 5 years ago but since then apart from FB happy birthday messages we don't really talk. I'm feeling bad but this is acceptable right? As for my 3 other friends they are all from work 2 of which I am very close with and are like another mum to me since my own mum lives overseas currently so I would really like them there and the other friend is part of a trio at work (the other one is a bridesmaid as I knew her before we worked together). She has said she is happy to just come to the evening do but I feel bad.

With these 3 friends above it puts us 5 people over (extra £500) which I can deal with but just feeling bad that my fiance doesn't have as much :( Am I just being silly and getting myself all worked up over nothing or should we revisit the list?

Sorry for the ramble and thanks in advance!


  • MrsD2019MrsD2019 Posts: 10 New bride
    We’ve divided our guest list down the middle.
    Our numbers are 120, so we can both invite 59 each. We also both have our evening guests in order of “upgrade” to invite to the whole day if anyone declines.
    That seemed the fairest way to do it, but our way wouldn’t work for everyone.
    I’ve also made some tough decisions and invited friends I’m less close to just to the evening (for example, friends I only really see in a group setting rather than meeting up just the two of us).

    Getting the guest list together is tricky and you’ll never please everyone! We’re hoping for a few to decline to give us a bit more flexibility....

  • wedscotwedscot Posts: 40 New bride
    Yes guest lists are tough! We've had to really cut ours down and are now inviting some for the evening only, which is not what we intended doing initially. My H2B has a larger family and friend list than me, so we've just had to make the best of it and hope it works out. We sent Save the Dates to essentials and left some, so that we gain a bit of feedback - we can already hear from some after ur Save the Dates about whether they intend to come, so we're hoping we may be able to switch some people around if we get declines early. I might phase sending our main invitations, so that I can gather if we get any declines early on to help us manage the process.

    I think if people have organised a wedding themselves, which most of our guests will have as we are late to marriage at 40 and 42 - so I'm hoping most of our friends and family understand the difficulties of creating guest lists and non one takes offence.

    Having said that one of H2B's friends took offence for not having a Save The Date, when we didn't select them, as we only see them once every couple of years and we were not invited to their wedding! They complained to a mutual friend and said that we'd snubbed their wedding invite along with another couple - we never received one - who knows! But if they thought they had sent one they certainly didn't chase things up? So we have had to issue a late Save The Date to them as a result - umm.
    Our planning thread here
  • cs2thecoxcs2thecox Posts: 257 New bride
    We have a very wonky guest list - my fiance's family is bigger, and he has more friends he wants to invite. I've been quite... selective with my side.
    I'm fine with it. There have been some discussions over whether a certain person (and their other half) is worth the £97 a head incremental cost, but if we truly believe that the people we've put on the list are £97 friends rather than £20 drink-n-cake friends, then we're trusting each other and running with it.
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