Ceremony only ??

Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
So after a long break myself and fiancé are planning our wedding again. 
We have decided on July and the date we originally started dating! 

The only thig thing we’re stuck on is to have a reception or not? 
My partner suffers bad with anxiety when there are large groups of people, and we don’t know how we can compromise on having some kind of ‘after do’ or not having one at all? 

I have the larger family so would love them to be together for the day but I don’t want to stress out my fiancé! 

Please help! 


  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride
    Why don't you just have  a small ceremony with close family only and go for a meal afterwards, or have a BBQ if you have a garden?
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 900 New bride
    I suffer from severe anxiety (although it is only affected by large crowds when I'm at my worst). You need to let your partner take a lead on what he wants to do, but at the same time, don't decide not to do anything 'just in case' he has an attack, as if he is then well on the day and you haven't organised anything you might regret it. In my case we went for the full on party, and I was nervous I wouldn't enjoy it (my anxiety had ruined my hen party) but it was actually the best day ever.

    If large crowd is the problem, then the obvious solution is one or two smaller parties. Could you do an intimate dinner for close family and then a larger buffet style meal for friends and other family? Is it possible to do something at your home or in a familiar surrounding where your partner can step away if he wants to? Would having an outdoor picnic style party be an option, where you can create lots of space (perhaps in a local park or forest area?) so that the whole thing is very casual?
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    edited February 2019
    I'm with OmRum who has some good ideas.

    Could you find a venue with different 'areas' or rooms so your guests would be a bit more spread out and it wouldn't feel as daunting?

    We're staying at our venue so will have access to our room from the afternoon and are planning on sneaking off at some point to just have 10 minutes or so together to take it all in. You could do something similar - have somewhere your fiancé knows he can go to if he needs a little time out?
  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
    Thank you for all your suggestions! They’ve really helped! 

    My fiance has said he likes the idea of having everyone attend the ceremony and then us go on a holiday as a family (we have a son together who will be 8 when we get married) 

    So there will will be no reception / after do as such. 
    I don’t mind this idea, my only concern is that we won’t be providing any food etc for our guests. 

    My mum also suggested a local rugby club venue with a small room to have some kind of do, with no speakches etc. Just some food and drink for everyone. 
    My fiancé seemed okay with this,  but later on he said he didn’t really like the idea he just said it to please my mum  😂 

    So not sure what to do! Lol 
  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 509 New bride
    Depending on how many people would be invited to the ceremony, could you invite them back to your house for tea and cake afterwards? Then a couple of hours later, you could all set off on your family holiday?

    Personally, I wouldn't have a problem if there was no reception afterwards, as long as I knew about it.

    I hope you can find a solution that suits you both xx 
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 900 New bride
    I've been to two just ceremony weddings before - after the couple had left we just went out by ourselves for food at local pubs and restaurants. So long as guests know there isn't a reception they will make their own plans.
  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
    Thank you OmRum & MrsCarnegie, there will be 42 people (including myself and fiancé) sadly we only live in a small terrace house so we wouldn’t have the room for people to come back to ours after the ceremony. 
    I’d feel bad asking someone else (a family member or someone) to accommodate all our guests 
  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 509 New bride
    How about a local pub or something? Maybe you could all have a drink together and then you, your FH and your son could slip away, leaving the others to eat, drink and be merry?
  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
    How about a local pub or something? Maybe you could all have a drink together and then you, your FH and your son could slip away, leaving the others to eat, drink and be merry?
    I’ll put this idea to my FH. Thank you! 
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 900 New bride
    Pubs sometimes have function rooms or areas you can reserve for free or cheaply, if you want the privacy. 
  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
    We finally have a plan! 
    Ceremony (around 20 people as that’s the biggest room they have!) then find a function room in a pub or community hall for a few drinks and food with family! 

    Thank you for all your help! 
    Now to find a wedding dress under £100 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😉
  • SlySly Posts: 36 New bride
    I don't like fuss or tradition, my fiance is the same but being the laid back half of the couple, he would probably just go with the flow whatever. We are marrying in a local hotel, just 19 for the ceremony, which will be very close family, including 2 small children and a 14yr old and our dog, his best man and fiancee. I wasn't fussed on an evening party but we are having a larger party for wider family and friends. There won't be speeches and a first dance etc. . As we want to keep it stress free and relaxed. As for a dress under £100 try chi chi or ASOS, they have some lovely ones😀
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