Tell me if we're being unreasonable...

BallAndChain19BallAndChain19 Posts: 14 New bride
edited March 2019 in Planning
Now, I'm sure I will have divided opinion here but I need advice!! 

Our invites are going out this week and we have been as accommodating as possible with guests plus 1's. When we started the invitations (they have taken ages to complete) my H2B's brother did not have a plus one, which I asked if he would mind us just putting his name and our nieces name on the invite, which he said was okay. He's since got back with his ex-girlfriend. Now, we don't want really her at the wedding because 1. we don't have enough room, unless we cut someone else and 2. they were in an extremely volatile relationship, especially when they were drinking, to the point that police would have to be called. She also used to talk to me and H2B as if we were dirt on her shoe and blocked us on facebook and all social media when they finished. (Not that this is important). H2B's father has also said considering their past and that they've only just got back together we shouldn't have to invite her. 

He has now messaged and said it's not fair that she is not invited which I understand but he's also asked that she and her child come as well (we're only having 3 children at the wedding, our 2 nieces and nephew). He has offered to pay for her to come to the wedding but we don't want any arguments on our wedding day because of them. We are completely stuck in a rut and don't want to upset anyone. I can completely empathise with her that she must feel left out without an invitation but we also want our wedding to be as smooth sailing as it can be.

Please help! Thank you! 


  • Also, we have explained that there is no room for her in the day. But she will have an evening invitation, so we have been accommodating like that?
  • I think extending her an evening only invitation is a great middle ground. You can explain you physically don't have room in the day, you cant magic up another place setting and the venue wont allow it due to their health and safety regulations. 

    By the time the evening comes around i'm sure you'll hardly notice her, you'll be too busy with the people you love, but you can always highlight her to the bar and ask them to keep an eye on her getting a bit too merry. 

    If he kicks off you just push it back onto it being out of your control. You cant un-invite someone now and it isnt like he wont know anyone!
  • I think you're being more than reasonable. You didn't have to invite her to the evening and you have which is certainly an olive branch.

    I wouldn't invite her (with or without her child) to the day for several reasons not least because she's been horrible to you. But as well, if their relationship is that volatile, how are you supposed to believe that it won't be over again before the wedding?

    You're doing the right thing. :)
  • PottyPotty Posts: 527 New bride
    I think you're well within your rights to say no!  It's your wedding at the end of the day and you can't please everyone.  You're inviting her to the evening so I don't think she can really get the ump considering the circumstances.
    Married September 2018, Baby due October 2019.  
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