RSVP nightmare

Autumnbride19Autumnbride19 Posts: 70 New bride
edited May 2019 in Planning
We're having a bit of a nightmare with our RSVP's and just getting really upset at the situation below so if anyone has any advice or gone through something similar please let me know!

So we're a week away from our RSVP deadline and only one member of my H2B family has responded (it was a no that we were expecting). So I asked him to just send a friendly text reminder to them all. This morning we woke up to one saying they couldn't come (originally they had asked if their kids were invited and we said unfortunately due to numbers we are just having our niece there all other family children e.g. children of the cousins were only invited to the evening portion of the event due to costs as his family is big and all cousins have numerous children). 

This sparked my H2B to say he doesn't think any of his dad's family is going to come now which has really upset him as his dad passed 2 years ago and he was hoping his uncles etc would be there for him. He rang up one uncle and got told that him, his wife and 2 out of 4 children (grown children I may add) will be too sick to come. This uncle is also father to the one who asked about children then said they couldn't come. I am wondering if there is something more at play as now none of them will talk to him and he is beyond upset as am I.

I don't know what to do. I am going to talk to his sister during the week and see what she thinks and I am in half a mind to go round to his uncles just to find out if we have done something. If its the kids and they are all banding together then fine we will find a way as I don't want it to be just my family there on the day (his mothers family all live overseas so only 5 can come).

Any advice on how people dealt with this would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you x


  • Update - my sister in law to be is trying to find out what has gone on but feeling so down about it all. 

    Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? I know not inviting children can be problem for some people but now wondering if the whole family has taken offence to this and therefore has gone well we're not going if the kids aren't invited. 

    Advice would be much appreciated as just obsessing now over what we've done wrong :neutral:
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride
    edited May 2019
    Without knowing why they have declined or not replied it's hard to give advice. Some really close members of my fiance's family have chosen not to attend and while he is sad about it, you have to remember that a)it's an invite, not a summons and b) no one thinks your wedding is as important as you do. To everyone else, it's just a party.

    People who have kids are always going to prioritise them - I'd wait and see what SIL says and go from there. There are people who take massive offence about child free weddings for some reason!
  • I have to agree with MrsCTobe people do take great offence to child free weddings. 

    When it comes to your big day, the important people will be there, the people that want to be there and you won’t even notice who isn’t there! Weddings seem to drag all sorts of emotional difficulties with family out of the woodwork and it’s hard not to let it upset you.. but whose who matter to you and you to them are the people that will come regardless of anything and that’s all that matters. 
  • Thank you @BodaEspañola and @MrsCToBee I completely understand where you are both coming from and I always knew the children thing could be an issue to some but was hoping time given they would be able to find childcare.

    However what is bothering me is that literally no-one from his dad's family will be there and only his mum (who has dementia) and sister will be there from the other side. I think that is what is getting me down is that he is just so heartbroken that his family have chosen to be like this instead of just talking to us.

    If it turns out the children thing is the issue I will find the money somehow and pay for it but thank you so much for taking the time to help me out truly appreciated x
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