Has anyone planned a wedding before officially being engaged?

Hi all

I know it all sounds very odd but my DP and I have been together 18 months and we've spoken about the future and marriage etc and yesterday he had a very cryptic talk with me.

Basically we were talking about when we'd like to get married and I said I love the idea of getting married on 29th February 2020. It's just such a random date and he loved the idea too.

I am genuinely not fussed about the whole big day (I've been married before) so we've spoken about going abroad just us to get married then having a big party when we get home - perfect.

My DP is waiting for some money to come through in order to buy my ring. I've said to him I don't need a fancy ring but he's set on getting me the right one hence having to wait for this money.

We spoke yesterday and he asked about how long in advance would we need to book the wedding/holiday and I explained the sooner the better. That's when he said could we perhaps book it knowing that the ring will come soon.

I think I'm fine with this as I love my holidays so even if we didn't officially marry on the holiday, we'd still have a nice trip but there is that slight idea in the back of my mind that says it's all a bit odd to book a wedding/holiday when you're not engaged.

I wouldn't tell anyone what we've booked until we're engaged so I don't worry about what people think. I think I'm worried about it being 'bad luck'. is that just silly?

Money for the holiday wise is fine as we have our joint savings that'll pay for it but obviously DP doesn't want to use this to buy my ring.

What do you think?

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,752 New bride
    If you've agreed to get married, you're engaged. That's all there is to it really.
  • Thanks I like your logic :-)
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,028 New bride
    Yup, as MrsCToBee said, if yiou are planning a wedding, youre engaged. The "formal" asking of the question is literally just a formality many like to do but has zero bearing on anything. 

    My friend last year got engaged around june/july but didnt get a ring until christmas, they had still planned 90% of the wedding by that point! 
  • Thanks so much ladies. I'm loving these comments.

    We have no idea where to choose to get married though! How do you pluck a country out of thin air??

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,028 New bride
    I'm afraid i dont have any experience with that, but personally id start by looking at what countries its easiest to legally get married in (if you want it to be legal over there - if not you can do the legal bit here and then go out) then maybe just have a browse for where is the kind of look you're going for? Also maybe worth taking into account how touristy the area is and time of year, as some places prices will pretty much double in school holidays! 
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 68 New bride
    Haha when I read the subject I assumed you were going to be some nutter trying to trick her other half into a wedding! I absolutely agree with the other ladies, if you've already discussed it and you both agree then it's totally ok to start booking the wedding, the ring is just a nice shiny formality! :smile:
  • OMG do people really do that @annipoo? Nope not crazy, just unorthodox it feels.

    It's a minefield trying to pick a country! I started off with the following but some are already out of scope (such work terminology lol)

    Mexico - out due to the seaweed issues

    Mauritius - I'm on the fence as it's their rainy season so I'm worried

    St Lucia - seems out of budget

    Dominican Republic - I like this one but worried about all the deaths recently

    Caribbean cruise - love this idea but they are usually only one week long so it would mean getting married on Saturday then disembark early the next day however this isn't a bad thing as we could then fly somewhere from Miami for a beach holiday.

  • annipooannipoo Posts: 68 New bride
    @beckyboo1986 It wouldn't surprise me if someone has. My uncle's wife got fed up waiting for a proposal so she just bought her own ring then told him how much he owed her, so I suppose that's not too different.

    Good luck narrowing down your location, we're getting married about 15 miles from our house so no fancy destination wedding. 
  • @beckyboo1986 I wouldn't discount Mexico because of seaweed.  Most resorts over their are 5* and employ people purely to walk up and down the beach clearing the seaweed up all day!  I have been twice there, once in March and this yr in February and it was stunning, perfect weather & scenery.  We saw lots of weddings, many like you suggest are just the couple with a couple of witnesses, and they looked beautiful.
  • Thanks for the replies. We're just being cheeky having the wedding and honeymoon in one as my partner doesn't like the idea of being centre of attention for a whole day bless him.


    That's lovely to hear @MrsMinMarch2016 I will keep looking at Mexico then. I've been to Mexico a few times and loved it so it would be nice to return. The resorts are incredible!

  • Yes, that’s exactly what we are doing.  We want to get married just the two of us overseas, so plan to get engaged a couple of months before the wedding to try and keep it secret just a little bit longer.  It’s fun but I had no idea how much there was to do when doing it all on our own...feeling a combination of excited and overwhelmed!
  • Yes, that’s exactly what we are doing.  We want to get married just the two of us overseas, so plan to get engaged a couple of months before the wedding to try and keep it secret just a little bit longer.  It’s fun but I had no idea how much there was to do when doing it all on our own...feeling a combination of excited and overwhelmed!
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