Are these jitters?

I doubt I have put this in the right messageboard but I do not know if I want to get married anymore..

I really have no one to talk to as if I speak to my mum and dad , (we are very close ) they will say do not do it then but I will feel really really guilty as they have paid out thousands all ready, and as we are getting married in 4 months we will still have to pay the remaining balance for it all as we are so close to the day and most of our contracts state if we cancel in the late stages we still must pay..

I really do not know where to start as so many things are bothering me.. firstly my h2b has been married before, they devorced over 7 years ago and she had loads of affairs and could not be bothered with her 2 children who now and have always lived my h2b and now we all live together with my 2 children and 2 we have together so 6 in total..

The things that are really upsetting me is that when h2b first got married he did it to try and make his first wife a better and nicer person, and he preposed and arranged and worked really hard to pay for the party, I brought up the subject about getting married and we sort of went along with it, anyway my h2b did not do anything for our engagement party and has never preposed to me, my h2b has a photo (given to him by his mum) of him down on one knee preposing to his 1st wife.. at the engagement party. Also he has a wedding photo of them both and will not get rid of it, (it is not on show though)

I just feel that he doesnt really want to get married and only did it to shut me up.. I did not go on and on we talked about it and it we agreed we should get married I just feel so let down he made all this effort on his first wife who was really horrid to him ( he still can not bring himself to tell me what she was like) I know I am a lot nicer as I do everything for the children and his 1st wife did things like have affairs and lock herself in their room and would not let h2b out with his friends as she refused to look after their children. I guess some of this will not make sense as I have missed out loads but I am so worried these feelings are going to ruin everything for us..

Also I moved from my home town to move into his house (which is also the house h2b had with his x wife) I hate living in the town I am in now as I have left all my family and friends behind.. I so want to go back to my home town I think that would make things better between us as I am so unhappy here. My h2b is happy to move back but we can not afford to as it is a more expensive area..

I just feel like leaving him and taking the kids back home where I know I will be so much happier but I love him also..

I do try and talk to h2b but he just walks away



  • WasMrsAshleyWasMrsAshley Posts: 1,042
    It depends on whether you're only telling us the bad stuff and there is a lot of good stuff to compensate all of this. I too feel like my H2B just agreed to our Wedding to 'shut me up'...I moved away from my home to live with him (with my 9 year old son), in the house he shared with his Ex....but I love living here. There are lots of things I could say bad about him and he's definately not my parent's favourite b/f I've ever had. My Mum is not afraid to be a little mean about him in front of me either. My parents have paid a few thousand towards our Wedding and we too would have to pay for all 25k basically of what we've booked if we didn't go ahead with it. We get married in 5 months. My H2B is rubbish when it comes to 'talking about things' too....most men are in my experience.

    I have had the same kinds of thoughts as you, as have probably most B2B at some point...and lets face it our men probably have too....but I've had enough relationships to know that they all start out fantastic (well most of them anyway) and after time we all get complacent and slip into a routine and stop making as much effort for each other as we used to...but I love my H2B dearly and know that for all his faults he also has amazing qualities that I love and that made me fall for him in the first place....there are plenty of things he could find to moan at me for, none of us are perfect are we and I think we find a person that 'feels right' we learn about their bad points and work out if/how we're going to see past them and have an happy life together....if we can't do that we move on and find someone we think we can be happy with.....I would say you're suffering with pre-wedding Jitters....

    If you do not want to be with him, to hell with the money, pay for it, walk away and treat it as a lesson learnt. You will spend the money and marry him and be unhappy - so either way it's money down the drain....then you will have to pay for a divorce too...

    I hope you're just having one of those days where you question your own judgement and tomorrow wake up feeling differently about it all.....

    x x x x x x

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