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Plus 1's

MrsKG2bMrsKG2b Posts: 149

Having a dilemma. 50 Family and close friends are coming to our wedding but I would like another 50 people to come in the evening.

My problem is plus 1's. Should you feel obliged to invite plus 1's or just invite the person you know?

It could mean only inviting 25 people and the rest are potentially partners...

What is everyone else doing?


  • gail21ukgail21uk Posts: 92
    I'm inviting plus 1s for most people during the day, but friends who we know are single (and will be on the day) won't be getting one. But i think some family members are difficult, as my dad told me that the husbands of his sisters wont come, but surely i have to invite them just to be polite?
  • MrsKG2bMrsKG2b Posts: 149
    Hi gail21

    I know what you mean and it's especially hard when it's family.

    It can be so difficult because each person is a cost and if they don't come you could potentially lose money or could have invited someone else!

    I think the thing I worry about the most is that I will invite people and book a disco and then no one will dance becasue their plus 1 doesn't know anyone and will sit down and everyone else will sit down too!!!

  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    A lot of my evening guests will be work people, as at work we never have partners to Christmas do's etc, despite them being invited.

    I have been to some weddings where both me and partner were invited as people know both of us, I went to one friends where I was invited in day and my OH came for the evening. I won't be inviting partners I don't know in favour of other people I want there
  • cla2583cla2583 Posts: 21
    We are having some plus 1s and some without - single friends we are giving single invites, and also groups of friends who all know each other we have given single invites to as numbers are restricted - so then we can have all our friends there. I think as long as guests will know someone else there then you shouldn't feel obliged to invite plus ones.
  • We are only inviting plus ones to the people who are in relationships. My h2b plays football and wanted to invite the team and their gfs. I said the team was fine but the girlfriends ignore me at every football match so they deff arent coming.
  • megmegsukmegmegsuk Posts: 150
    No! Do not feel obliged. I went on a strict marrieds or living as married rule in the end. On my original list for example, of my 7 uni girl friends there were 4 plus ones and in the end none of them came as 3 of them broke up and the one who was married's husband couldn't make it. One of my husband's mates asked "where's Anna's invite?" (anna being his girlfriend) - needless to say they ended up breaking up anyway.

    Mrs Radcliffe2b - I feel your football club pain as my husband wanted to invite his whole rugby team and WAGs to the evening! and he couldn't even remember the girlfriends names for half of them. I'm sorry but if you don't know their name they're definitely not coming to our wedding!

    I've been to one wedding without my husband but with our son who was 14 months old at the time and it was brilliant! Not that I don't like my husband but sometimes he moans going to weddings of friends of mine taht he doesn't know that well - I had a whale of a time and really wouldn't mind him not being invited if the friend of mine doesn't know him well - and we are married!
  • The way i see it lol. Is its meant to be the most important day of my life. Why would i want to invite someone i dont know/or like to our day. My h2b doesnt even know the gfs but he just doesnt want to lose face infront of the football team. To prove a point, (they are quite young) It was one of the wags birthdays well 21st birthday a big one on saturday night and did we get invited NO. so why the hell would i invite her to my wedding!
  • Although I respect the opinion of the people who wouldn't want to invite strangers to their day, I do disagree with it. I want everyone to look back and remember what an amazing day THEY had, not necessarily what an amazing day WE had. And I still haven't met anyone in real life who was happy to go to a wedding single.

    We have cropped our guest list down to only the most important people in our lives and have included in the RSVPs: "We have reserved two seats for you" that way they know they will be able to bring someone (whether or not we know them).
  • Care-BearCare-Bear Posts: 465
    Only invite a partner if the person is with someone. Single people just invite on their own (i'm assuming they will know someone else going). I wouldn't do plus 1 else you will end up with a lot of randoms and wonder who the hell all your wedding guests are particually as you are having a smaller wedding like me.

    I don't know if you have seen one of my recent posts - someone decided not to bring their husband crossed out their name and invited their friend!!! Fuming..
  • drobinson1984drobinson1984 Posts: 1,071
    I wouldn't bother with plus ones for singles either, only for people who wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding. We've got tons of other people we'd rather invite over strangers.

    Be warned though, people will try it on, so make it clear you are inviting them and only them!
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    I am actually having this quandry with one of the uni friends, she split with her husband 2 years ago and now has a new partner, been with him 18 months but never met him, which is strange, even when we went to hers he didn't come to meet us. But they have now moved in together so I feel like I should, otherwise will never meet him.

    Family partners only invited if they live with them, as they will know the rest of the family there.
  • megmegsukmegmegsuk Posts: 150
    DeCoria - me! I'm happy to go to a wedding single and I'm married with children! I'm happy to go on a night out and to parties on my own - as long as I have other friends there I don't mind if my man isn't at my side all the time. I'd think it odd if for example he wasn't invited to my sister's wedding but say for a work friend it wouldn't bother me at all.
  • SarahMor84SarahMor84 Posts: 1,493
    We are similar to many couples here, only inviting partners if we know them (or the guest in question does not know anyone else) and only +1's for singles if again they do not know anyone else particularly well.

    I would be happy to go to a wedding on my own as long as I knew at least one other person there at least reasonably well.

    However, with single invites we are making sure that they are all being placed on tables where they have friends. We have been to a few weddings before where groups of friends had been split up and it did feel like you had come on your own!
  • Fair enough, megmegs couple, I stand corrected... Although I suppose I should clarify that I meant people who aren't married.

    I know that being single can be a source of pain for a lot of people and being single at a wedding can seriously add to that pain because you watch two people having what you have yet to achieve. They are probably incredibly happy for the couple, but it won't stop them being sad for themselves (which I understand).

    If you are married, it's easier to go to couples events single because it's a choice, and when you go home you will have your husband (the love of your life) waiting for you.
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    I went to loads of weddings single before I met my other half and I never once was sad for myself as I was happy for the couple on the day and interested in having a lovely time celebrating their day. I was single for 7 years before I met my OH, did have short relationships but noone I would have taken to a family do etc and I went to loads of weddings etc in that time on my own, not imagining that I would get a plus one invite or that I would feel sad
  • smile99uksmile99uk Posts: 85
    I'm lucky as I'm getting married quite young so me and H2B a) have lots of single friends and b) have lots of friends if they are in a relationship they're not particularly serious or are just starting off. Therefore we've invited plus 1's if people are married or living as married, or if we know them as a couple per se (i.e. they're both our friends), otherwise no plus 1's. We've had to make a few exceptions e.g. my cousin begged me for a +1 for his new american girlfriend which kind of annoyed me, especially as when I met her she didn't make much of an effort to talk to me, plus we had to give H2B's brother a +1 (even though he refuses to let us know who this person will be right now...I dread to think!). Finally we made an exception for my bridesmaid even though we've never met her partner, as we felt it right and proper for someone who has such an important part in the wedding.

    If people get funny about it, just explain numbers are tight and people usually understand. Those who don't need to grow up and get in the real world and realise that you're not made of money!

  • OK... I am beginning to feel that my opinion is not acceptable on this particular thread. We were asked to express our thoughts on the idea of plus ones, and you have mine.

    I am really impressed that there are people out there that were happy to go to couple-type events alone when they were single.

    You are a stronger woman than I.

    On the other hand, I hated the prospect of going to a wedding single and alone where it seemed everyone around me was happy and in love. Don't get me wrong, I was always very happy for the couple, but part of me was always sad... Even when I knew other people there, it was always depressing to sit out the slow songs and be handed the bouquet because I was the only one who was standing there to catch it.

    As I said when I first posted, I respect the reasons not to have plus ones. I really do. But I also think that it's an expense I am willing to pay in order to make sure my guests are as happy as they can be. The ceremony is about my fiance and I becoming husband and wife, but the reception is all about our guests.
  • Firstly i am only inviting to the day guests with plus ones if i know about the partner. I dont think i am inviting anyone without a partner. So on that part i agree with DeCoria but with the reception i still would like it to be a close wedding. Not inviting everyone partners is keeping the costs and numbers down plus it's not like they won't know anyone. I started to feel a bit guilty about not inviting the football teams gf's to the evening but they make me feel very uncomfortable and make no effort with me at games. There are going to be 12 lads there, it's not like they are going to feel out of place. They will probably know more people there than anyone else. And i hope that they will have just a nice time without their gf's like to add will probably be someone else by the time of the wedding image
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    DeCoria your opinions are welcome but I was just pointing out that not everyone feels this way
  • Thank you cebpickle1, but I definitely figured out that my opinion is apparently one of the less popular. Heck, if I were to go with what I have read on this thread I would be convinced that I was the only person who thought that plus ones were a good idea.
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