Day or evening guests - how to decide


Just wanted some opinions really as I kind of know what I want to do but want to know how other people would feel/what they would do in my situation.

There are 3 of us in the same office getting married this year. In fact one was married on Saturday, one is in a couple of weeks and then mine is the last, in December.

We have obviously all been a bit wedding crazy in the office and been sharing ideas etc leading up to the day.  Early on I think at least two of us said anyone from work would only be invited to the evening.  The one at the weekend was much bigger than either of ours and we were invited to the day.  I'm then invited to the day at the next one but my OH is invited to the evening.  (I'm pretty sure I was bumped up and he couldn't have come to the day anyway as it's during the week.)

Anyway, the question is that we are really tight on numbers and when we did the guest list we found it really easy - we could include everyone we wanted without having to debate over numbers.  Now that I am about to give invitations out at work, these two fellow brides are still on the evening list.  Do you think they will be offended?  Would you be?  

My only other option really is to bump the 2 women if people drop out and invite their husbands to the evening, but I think that leaves even more potential room for offence, and I'm not even sure there will be room to do that as everyone is a yes so far.  My OH and I said from the start that any of our work people would be invited to the evening to avoid politics etc; in a way I feel I have become quite close to them but equally I think am I only feeling the need to "bump" them to return the favour?

I have to make the decision pretty quickly as I sent out all of my invitations last week, which they know... I just wanted to get some opinions of what you would do/have done as the bride or how you might feel as the guest?  I basically want to avoid p*ssing people off or offending them!!


  • JodielouJodielou Posts: 4,058

    I'd keep them as evening guests- I know you've grown quite close to them, but once you no longer have planning your respective weddings in common your relationships may change.  Just explain that you would have loved for them to come all day, but you haven't had any declines from close friends or family (and don't think you will) and you just can't accomodate them unfortunately.  Perhaps mention that your OH is very friendly with some of his work colleagues too, which is another reason why you've had to draw a line.  They should be fine with it, and if they're not you definitely made the right decision not to have them there for the whole day! x 

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    Thanks Jodielou - that's kind of what I'm thinking.  Especially that we have grown close over wedding planning but fundamentally have quite little in common (probably very much to do with the fact that they are both 20 years older than me).  I think that if I were to leave work I would be unlikely to stay in touch with them much - and we certainly don't socialise outside of work really - and if that's my rule for determining other day/evening guests then it should be the same here.

    Thanks for your reply x

  • PepperPotPepperPot Posts: 115

    HI Franita!

    I agree with Jodielou, keep them as evening guests along with their OH's!

    In my company we only have 8 other employees and I am really close to one lady, she has even (very kindly) offered to come wedding dress shopping with me after work as I live/work quite far away from my close friends & family! However, to avoid any issues being in such a small office all of my colleagues are having to be evening only as are my OH's work colleagues! It also helps with day numbers as we have big families!

    The lady I am close to is 10 years older than me and if either of us left it is unlikely we would stay in touch, although i do feel terrible I know it's the right decision! 

    I hope this helps x

  • FranitaFranita Posts: 487

    It does help, thanks PepperPot.

    It's also complicated slightly by the fact I'm not inviting everyone from work - probably half of them (in an office of 15).  So at least that only makes two tiers of people - invited and not - rather than day, evening and not.  Which might well annoy the evening only people!

    I kind of knew it was the right thing to do - just nice to know other people agree/understand.  I also hope that having gone through planning their own weddings this year too, they of all people will understand the politics involved around guest list selection! x

  • MrsVJB2BMrsVJB2B Posts: 372

    You'd like to think that others planning their own weddings will instinctively know the dilemma you're in...

    You're doing the right thing.

  • I've been invited to the day  at two works friends weddings this year too but I've only invited them to the evening at mine. Their weddings are very grand and they are not having separate day/evening guests and they have arounds 140 guests. The way I look at it is that's up to them but we only have 70 people in the day as wanted to keep as small as poss. I knew from day or that all works friends would come to the evening.

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