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Stressing about seating arrangements! Top table vs Sweetheart table

This is my first post so please bear with me....

I am thinking of breaking the subject of a sweetheart table to Mr Banjo for a number of reasons and wanted to know your thoughts on it. The original idea was a top table and then several other tables, each hosted by members of the bridal party. Now I'm really worried this wont work. I know it seems trivial but its causing me sleepless nights!!

Firstly there is the fact if we have a top table, the number will be odd. I don't have my father present, so my dear old mum will be sitting beside me alone, so to speak, as Mr Banjo has both of his parents. I also don't have a maid of honour anymore after sacking her for being so awkward and generally making my hen do and wedding planning such a misery. I asked one of my other bridesmaids to sit in her place but she said no as she would like to be with her boyfriend on a separate table.

I'm at my wits end with people right now! Please help!


  • Sweet heart definitely 

    Or just sit with your friends (bridal party, that's what I did) and then parents have their own table...

    good luck

  • Thanks for the reply, I just didn't want people to feel like they couldn't approach us because we were 'up there' on our own...? Or for our extended family to think we chose to sit with our friends and not mingle with them?

  • SadSack83SadSack83 Posts: 1,700

    We had sweetheart table. One of the best things about the day!

    We got to spend quality time together just the two of us and could circulate between courses to all tables (we had a smallish wedding though!).

    I'd highly recommend it.

    For me sitting with friends creates the same issues as a top table - only with friends rather than families! Bound to offend someone.

    No-one commented on our sweetheart arrangement or thought it was strange!


  • Thanks so much, that really makes me feel better. I still plan on sitting people where I want them. I don't want my family and friends not to mingle with his family and friends. We have to be with each other all day when all said and done and I want to avoid a segregation of allies! Do you think that will still be ok? Or do I just 'go with the flow' and let people sit wherever they wish to?

  • Sadsack83 what a beautiful wedding!! image

  • natsxonatsxo Posts: 268

    can someone explain a sweetheart table to me ? I'm having same sort of issue with top table and was more just thinking that we would have a middle table ? xx

  • A top table is usually bride, groom, parents of both, best man and maid of honour.

    A sweetheart is just the bride and groom with the rest of the bridal party on the other tables.

  • natsxonatsxo Posts: 268

    thanks ! xx

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    Personally I am not a fan of the Sweetheart table idea... just think it seems a bit strange to invite loads of people to your wedding and then effectively ignore them and just sit facing your husband... Although I can see that it would alleviate a lot of potential top table issues so if you feel it will work for you then go for it xx

  • SadSack83SadSack83 Posts: 1,700

    We sat facing the room! And mingled all day and in-between courses. We individually spoke to every single one of our guest repeatedly.


    We ignored no-one.


    I cannot speak for anyone else, but with a very complicated relationship with my Father and a small wedding I thought a table of approx. a third of the guests would have been even stranger!  

    Like I said unthread, it worked for us. Not saying it's for everyone at all but thought OP might appreciate a positive story!

  • Toad Bride - That is exactly my problem! I just don't want to upset anyone! There are other issues as well, like a badly behaved Aunt Jan who has a few too many sherries and insults everyone! At least my mum could steer her from harms way if she wasn't stuck on the top table! Lol! Thanks for the input though, I really appreciate the help xx

  • I really appreciate all the help  image

    SadSack83 - We will aim to do the same. I broached the subject with Mr Banjo and he took it surprisingly well. I worried that he'd be concerned about where his best man was going but I explained your lovely story and your best man coming up to your table to deliver his speech and he says 'its not a bad idea' (this equals a good reaction!) so I am relieved!

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    As I mentioned in my post Sadsack - it was just MY general opinion and I thought the OP might also appreciate a little bit of honesty as well as the usual "oh yeah go for it, it'll be amazing!" because I would think that if she goes ahead then there will be some eyebrows raised but - if it works out for the individual family circumstances - such as it may in both your instances then to go for it.

  • Both me and my fiancé have divorced parents - 3/4 have been remarried so we are also doung away with the traditional top table as it would be awkward and uncomfortable. 


    We have decided to have our 2 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen at the table with us. At the end of the day.. you need to be a little selfish and do what makes you happy. Yhe last thing u want is to be worrying on ur big day. Why dont u have the two of you and then 2 or 3 close friends? Have a table that will be relaxed and fun and dont worry about oyher people thinking your being rude.. they won't.  They'll be too busy enjoying themselves!


    Gopf luck image 

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