First dance (MOH & best man?)

MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

hello again.

 

Ive recently had my MOH sending me messages on what first dance songs we could us. I'm happily listening to them  but none of them have been quite right. She then pipes up with "well me and the best man have to dance to it as well!" wait... what... I've never heard of this and I'm not happy about it! I've told her I'm not happy about it and she came out with "well that's how it's done!" Pah! I don't care if that's how it's done! You didn't dance at your mum and dads wedding with the best man (she was MOH for that as well) 

Am I right being a bit cheesed off with this? I'm really dreading ever making her my MOH. She's also told me she wants my wedding dress after I've finished with it. Not happening as I'm getting it altered into a cocktail dress after the wedding. I'm just getting very ticked off with her lately.

Posts

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    She sounds mental. Why is she your maid of honour?

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    She's my SIL to be, she was never this mental only since I've been planning, same with the MIL, she's piped up and said my wedding is a trail run for SIL's who's possibly getting married in 2020, not defiante yet... 

  • The only way she should be allowed you dress after the wedding is if she pays for at least half of it!

    Also I have never heard of a MOH and Best Man starting the first dance with the married couple, but I have been at weddings where after the first verse and chorus other couples are invited on to the dance floor to share the first dance

  • JTQSNJTQSN Posts: 147
    Hails wrote (see post):

    She sounds mental. Why is she your maid of honour?

    This. 

    Its called a first dance for a reason just tell her she isn't getting up for the dance. Why would she even think that's ok 😩

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride

    I have no comment other than... what the actual fuck is wrong with some people?! 

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,119 New bride

    tell her to get lost (in the nicest possible way)!

    It's up to you what you do, when you do it and how you do it. I'm not having a first dance, I'm not cutting a cake and I'm not wearing a big white dress. If anyone wants those things they can jolly well have their own wedding because I'm not spending my own money to do a load of stuff I don't want to!

    If she says it's tradition tell her that a lot of things were, it doesn't mean they are now! Google old wedding traditions and you get all sorts of weird stuff cropping up (mostly including sword fights and kidnapping the bride....) none of which we do now. Move with the times MOH!

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    When is your wedding?

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Wow she's something else!! First dance is for bride and groom sometimes they may choose to open the floor to others but that would be your choice you certainly don't have to!! She needs telling under no circumstances is that what you want!! 

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    I'm glad I'm not crazy! I really don't know what's wrong with her lately she's been pretty full of it. 

    I'll make sure I tell her no again just to make sure she has got the message - maybe I'll ask her to record the first dance so she can't come up 🤔

    My wedding is 4th November 2017 😬

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    continuitygirl wrote (see post):

    The only way she should be allowed you dress after the wedding is if she pays for at least half of it!

     

     

    She actually offered to do that with a different dress! She wasn't happy I picked something she might like but then said we'll pay half each. I decided I didn't want a dress she might want and I wasn't 100% on that anyway. Found my dress and she mentioned the back was too low for her which I piped up that it's lucky she's not wearing it then... She still wants it though, not happening! I'll make sure I leave it with my mum while on honeymoon just to be safe.

     

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258
    LetsBeWed wrote (see post):

    I'm glad I'm not crazy! I really don't know what's wrong with her lately she's been pretty full of it. 

    I'll make sure I tell her no again just to make sure she has got the message - maybe I'll ask her to record the first dance so she can't come up 🤔

    My wedding is 4th November 2017 😬

    Ha yeah maybe :)

    im 4th November as well!! Date twins :) 

  • Lucy266Lucy266 Posts: 176

    I  heard of the wedding party having to dance with each other. It all sounds horribly awkward and forced to me as I imagine my brother's girlfriend, who's about 26, having to dance with a shy 37 year old married dad of 2 (our best man). With that said I don't think it traditionally coincides with the first dance, it might be an American thing, and if you don't want to do it you don't have to do it.

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    Tell her to remember this is YOUR wedding! Not a practice run for her own! She's being ridiculous! 

    You have the first dance you want to have! I think asking her to film it would be a great idea so she's stuck there. 

    When I had my first dance we had decided to dance together for a bit, then I grabbed my dad (didn't have a father daughter dance) and he grabbed his mum. Danced for a bit with them, then I grabbed his dad and he danced with my mum. Really worked well for us and filled the dance floor. 

    but ultimately it's what you want for your first dance! I wanted my song to play in full as I love it, but didn't want to awkwardly sway for the duration x

  • PinguinPinguin Posts: 141

    its not the done thing... I think in america MOH, best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen all do a dance but its not a thing here and its not the FIRST dance

  • This is hilarious! Sorry she's being such a pain for you, but for someone not involved her craziness is funny.

    I'm calling it that she fancies the best man- I can think of no other reason why you'd want to dance with a man.

  • MrsNolanMrsNolan Posts: 683 New bride

    Agree with Mrs P, fancies the best man. 

    I think she needs to shut the fuck up and not interfere with your wedding. I'm sorry but I have no sensitivity to selfish, pathetic people like that. Get rid of her!

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,837 New bride

    Yikes... agree she sounds like an attention seeking looney. I'd pre warn the best man just in case she decides to pull this shit on the day and he thinks it's your idea!

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107
    The new Mrs P wrote (see post):

    This is hilarious! Sorry she's being such a pain for you, but for someone not involved her craziness is funny.

    I'm calling it that she fancies the best man- I can think of no other reason why you'd want to dance with a man.

     

     

    It it seems quite crazy and can see how it's entertaining lol. She is actually engaged to the best man. They were engaged before we were but they wanted to wait 5 years to get married due to funds and still living with their parents. 

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    Crikey, she's sounds nutty!!! Warn the bestman, make sure your mum is on standby to tackle her. As for wearing your dress....that's just plain weird. Why would you want to wear the dress your sister in law wore when marrying your brother? Strange strange girl. 

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    I'm more perplexed by why does she seem obsessed with wearing the same dress?!?! I can't think of anything worse!!!

  • Hi, just giving a different bit of advice... my bridesmaid kept asking me for ages before my wedding about who she was being paired with during the first dance (after about a minute of us dancing ourselves) I kept saying i wasnt going to do that as i wasnt aware that was how it was done but she said every wedding shes been to the best man and moh danced and the bridesmaids paired up with ushers/ groomsmen. Anyway, i put it to the back of my mind and then on the day... the dj calls for the rest of the bridal party to join the dancefloor and the event co- ordinator was trying to hurry them into pairs from around the sides. Sooo i think it can be quite common for this to happen so if you dont want to do that then i would make sure the dj/ venue is aware! 

    As for her wanting to have your dress- weird! 

    Xx

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    I've just looked it up and apparently it's Scottish not American!

     

    I'm in Scotland and I can't remember if I've seen it or not.

  • Yep, I'm in Scotland and while I have only been to a couple of weddings I have definitely seen it and it is quite common.

    xx 

  • MrsM2b4MrsM2b4 Posts: 45

    I would have a back up plan as well- If she is determined she is doing it she might well just go and ask the best man there and then and go up whatever you say- could you maybe get the best man to help by also making it clear to him part of his role is to encourage others to get up to dance in the evening except for the first dance where it should be JUST the bridal couple ;)

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    Thank you all for your replies, you all are truly a lifeline when I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

    My plan of action is:

    with the dress, we are going accessories shopping soon and while there I'm meeting my seamstress, I'm going to ask her there and then how much it'll be to change my dress to a cocktail dress and get it booked in for after the wedding.

    with the first dance: I'm going to tell the MOH and best man to record it from other sides of the room just so we have a couple of different angles, we plan on having a more upbeat song straight after the first dance so they can get everyone up for that. I will also tell the DJ that we don't want anybody invited up to dance until the second song. I'm going to prewarn best men of the potential first dance MOH wants to do as well. Unsure on what else I can do but hopefully this is the way around it 🤦‍♀️

  • Hayley217Hayley217 Posts: 29

    I'd be mortified if someone wanted my wedding dress, I'm buying the dress because I fell in love with it, therefore you should buy a dress you've fell in love with! 

    I've heard of couple joining in the first dance, after a bit, but not from the beginning, this isn't a prom. My MOH is my sister and BM is my H2B brother, who's girlfriend is one of my bridesmaids so that would be very awkward! Plus I wouldn't want anyone to feel forced to dance if they didn't want to. 

    Our first dance will be to 'Gone, Gone, Gone' by Phillip Phillips, it's mine and my partners song and I'm not about to change it to suit everyone else!

  • Shana2Shana2 Posts: 1

    Wow, she sounds a bit mental. She absolutely does not get your wedding dress - I've never heard of this before. It's your wedding - you do whatever you want to do! 

    BTW - if you're still undecided on your first dance song, ours was All of Me by John Legend. I've also got a playlist I created here with some of the songs from our wedding day ;-)  

    https://open.spotify.com/user/shanamarquez/playlist/2uj3tj5Dv6Utrn0QwZkR2i 

    Good luck!

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