Speechs rant - anyone not having them?

Hi, bit annoyed.. my h2b has taken it upon himself to decide that there will be no speeches.... he doesn't think his best man would be comfortable doing it (even though h2b did it for him) and said that whilst he is capable, he'd rather not do it himself...

My dad bless him said that wild horses won't stop him doing a speech so he will do one....

Part of me is annoyed with h2b, but I suppose that I wouldn't like to do one either...

Anyone else not having speeches or limited speeches? If so, are you planning something else instead?


  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    Can the people who want to do speeches still do them, and the best man just not do one? It seems a shame to miss them out completely when some people ie your dad really wants to do one. Could a chief bridesmaid of mother of groom do one instead? I really don't think there's a set rule about it x

  • My dad will do one, but h2b and bestman won't... no one else would want to.... it is fine, just wondered if anyone else is on a similar situation

  • LisaDToBeLisaDToBe Posts: 104 New bride

    I'd prefer not to have speeches. If anybody wants to do one, then that's fine but I don't want anybody to feel under pressure.

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,136 New bride

    Let your dad do one and perhaps ask your fiance if he would just do a toast if not a full on speech, I think it's nice to thank everyone for coming, I also assume if he's done a best mans speech he isnt totally anti it, so I think a very brief toast is a fair enough compromise if it means a lot to you. 

  • Yes a toast is a great idea. Thank you

  • Becca87Becca87 Posts: 142

    We aren't doing speeches, no best man, it wouldn't be appropriate for my dad to do one and I don't think h2b should do one without the context of the others. We are doing a joint thank you speech for those that have made the wedding possible etc but otherwise doing away with formality. It's your wedding so it's your choice.

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    I didnt want any, personally I find them the most boring part of the day, as a guest I have never enjoyed listening to them, and as my dad has been a best man 3 times and FOTB to my sister a couple years ago and has never made a speech (he just can't do public speaking) I was more than happy to go without. We wouldn't replace them with anything, simply not have any. However H2B wants to do one and his best men (yes, multiple grrrrr) are also happy to do them so we will just have them do them, though I am limiting the length of them to get them over with.

  • We didn't have a best man or father if the bride but my hubby still did a speech. He put in a bit of research recycled the odd gag but mainly did a few toasts thanked the guests, people who helped etc. and then thanked me for pulling off a fab day.


  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    I do know that some more informal weddings dont have speeches but having been a bride on the receiving end of a no groom speech moment at my first wedding and not knowing about it, i was very embarrassed at my ex husbands lack of courage.   

    the speeches dont have to be expertly written or executed but a simple thankyou to guests bridedmaids mil, and your bride isnt much to ask.   I had a very dcared groom this time but he stepped up to the plate and did a wonderful funny speech!  

    As a teacher i know its not everyones cup of tea standing in front of a crowd and speaking i remember learning the skill myself, but it is in front of a nice crowd of people who only wish you the best. 

  • It is completely whatever you want, no one can tell you that you have to have speeches as long as you happy with your plan for the day. I don't normally enjoy listening to the speeches at a wedding as a guest just as someone else has said, but then I know some of my friends say it's the highlight of the day for them, not sure why! 

    I actually did a short speech at my wedding as well as the men; I thought why should it always be men speaking on behalf of women. Now you may not want to but someone else in your bridal party might be up for it if you think your dad's speech on it's own will be weird.

  • We're being v untraditional regarding speeches.

    I intend to make a speech at my own wedding. I find it really infuriating that its always the men that speak at these things. My H2B doesn't want to do a speech, so I'm going to do his.

    My dad died when I was younger so I'm planning on asking my mum to make a speech instead if she wants to, and while its not traditional, wild horses couldn't stop my future FiL from saying something on the day.  My 'best woman' also wants to say something too.

    I think if your H2B  and his best man don't want to speak, that's fine, but ask around to see if anyone else would like to make a speech alongside your dad - or maybe do a short thank you yourself?

  • Wibs77Wibs77 Posts: 414

    We are not having speeches. My dad died years ago and my oh would be madly nervous as would the best man so instead h2b and I are standing together to thank our guests for making our day special, our families for the help and doing a toast. Its your day so decide between you what works best. 

  • Thanks ladies - glad were aren't the only ones


  • Don't worry. You are not alone. I'm not keen, H2B isn't keen. My dad would rather die. The best men and best women don't fancy it either. My mum will raise a toast, we will have no other formal speeches.

    I want to eat, then socialise and dance. The manshape and I already know our relationship CV so I'm not fussed about hearing it read on our wedding day. X

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    We didnt have any speeches, but my MIL insisted that my FIL gave a toast, which was pretty much a small speech. We had a small wedding so most people knew the 'story of us' or whatever. My dad has passed away and I didnt want the best man giving one, so we just had a toast-and tbh I didnt even want that. My sister gave a speech at her wedding. I think anything goes, just figure out what will work for you. I know my groom would have been very nervous giving one though he has to present to groups pretty regularly as part of his work. I wanted him to enjoy the day and not be worrying about a speech. I dont think its a matter of courage and didnt mind him not giving one. Just figure out what works for you x

  • MissSMissS Posts: 267 New bride

    I would rather go to a wedding with no speeches than a wedding with tons... my friend had these speeches at hers and it was wayyyyy to much;

    FOB, FOG, groom, bride, 2 best men and MOH

    It was wayyyyy to much- I like a speech if they`re good ones but these weren't great. Then I went to another wedding where the FOB spoke for TWO HOURS!!!! So don't worry!

  • Elz2017Elz2017 Posts: 316

    In agreement with the above - toasts are the way to go! Have sat through some ABYSMAL speeches in the past, and the worst are those where the people are really shy and don't want to be doing it.

    Having said that, some of the best haven't been speeches at all, but songs! I've decided there is no right or wrong way on this - we're not having speeches, but will have random toasts and bits in the ceremony where people can say a few words or sing something.

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