Children at weddings

We genuinely would love all of our friends and family to bring their children to our wedding (if they want to) but the venue can not accommodate the numbers. We don’t want to say children are not invited and we also don’t want to hand pick which ones are. We were thinking of including this woth our invites but we don’t want to offend anyone. Any advice/ thoughts?

 

Much as we would like to invite all the childreb of our family and friends, the venue can not accommodate such numbers. 

We also know not everyone has the luxury of on hand sitters. 

Please let us know if you plan to bring your little ones. 

 

Posts

  • It was quite easy for me to select which kids could and couldn’t come to my wedding, I simply said that it was my nieces and nephews only. That means there’s 7 of them, but then I’ve said to my brothers and sisters that I want them to enjoy the evening do as adults and not as parents, the youngest kids will be picked up after the meal, one may not be coming at all and the oldest want to stay. 

    I think it would be best to speak to people about it beforehand. Some people will choose to enjoy the day child free, but other do prefer to bring them. It you speak to them first, then the invites can be address accordingly and there’s no chance on confusion.

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,349 New bride

    As a parent l prefer to either be told no kids or have my kids invited not ‘we can’t have all of them but we’d like to’ 

    with a definate we can make plans.

    for what it’s worth, I love kid free weddings :) 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    We did nieces and nephews only (plus our daughter), was an easy way to cut the number of kids down.

    Your message runs the risk of all kids coming.

    I love child free weddings but we now live 4.5hrs from the nearest family so we bow cannot attend weddings unless she is also invited 

  • At my friend‘s wedding they put ‘for your benefit and ours, children are not invited’ - I didn’t like that wording tbh, rubbed me up the wrong way (and mine were actually invited as exceptions!) 

    I’m no good with advice, I’m a bit like you very eager not to offend! X 

  • I agree with just making it clear one way or the other though.

  • Sadieee wrote (see post):

    We did nieces and nephews only (plus our daughter), was an easy way to cut the number of kids down.

    Your message runs the risk of all kids coming.

    I love child free weddings but we now live 4.5hrs from the nearest family so we bow cannot attend weddings unless she is also invited 

    That’s the problem we have  A lot of his family lives overseas so they will need to bring the children or not come. But they are cousins. we Don’t mmind the children coming just all of them can’t so if it’s a case of you can’t come without the kids then we want you to bring the kids

  • I get what you're saying, but if you decide to be soft on the wording, then expect to have as many as 100%/ all of the children in attendance.  If you're not specifically eliminating them, you are inviting them.

     

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    I get what you're saying, but if you decide to be soft on the wording, then expect to have as many as 100%/ all of the children in attendance.  If you're not specifically eliminating them, you are inviting them.

     

    True lol thanks 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    Lynsey54 wrote (see post):
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    We did nieces and nephews only (plus our daughter), was an easy way to cut the number of kids down.

    Your message runs the risk of all kids coming.

    I love child free weddings but we now live 4.5hrs from the nearest family so we bow cannot attend weddings unless she is also invited 

    That’s the problem we have  A lot of his family lives overseas so they will need to bring the children or not come. But they are cousins. we Don’t mmind the children coming just all of them can’t so if it’s a case of you can’t come without the kids then we want you to bring the kids

    H2bs family are travelling 8-10hrs (they live other end of country, it's my family that are 4.5hrs away). We have still stuck to the only niece and nephew rule and all have found sitters luckily as they have in-laws (related to their partners rather than us) and such that can look after the kids. Why not say no kids and see what happens, you can re-evaluate if all say no. 

  • Could you reach out directly? 

    We’re saying no kids, but have spread the word asking parents to let us know if it’s a problem? Then we can try and find a solution or invite the kids. That way (we’re hoping) people won’t miss the wedding just because of childcare issues.

  • MrsB2020 wrote (see post):

    Could you reach out directly? 

    We’re saying no kids, but have spread the word asking parents to let us know if it’s a problem? Then we can try and find a solution and invite the kids. That way (we’re hoping) people won’t miss the wedding just because of childcare issues.

    That’s our approach too. Weddings are soul destroying boring for children once it gets into the sit down meal and late night drinks, I understand why people think they can “make” a wedding but personally I don’t think it’s apprtenor you’re having a formal affair.

    All of the parents have been thrilled that it’s a child free zone....the grandparents however, they have been making the most fuss!! As long as the parents are happy and/or have child care options, it’s a no brainier for me.

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride

    How many people are you talking about? Would it be too difficult to speak to people individually?

    I think there are plenty of people who, if they have childcare, would happily leave the kids at home even if they were invited. We have people coming to Italy for ours next year who are leaving the kids at home! I’d just off the record mention to people you were planning on having a mainly child free wedding but you’d rather not have people decline because of childcare and you know some are travelling from overseas etc. I think most people will read between the lines and choose to leave their kids home if they do have the option to. 

    I think asking directly is better than a blanket statement which risks everyone bringing their children. At least you’ll get an idea of numbers as you speak to people too.

  • In our case we are only having kids who are part if the wedding party. Ie. His nephews, the ringbearers and my cousins, the flower girls. All of our wedding part is booked to stay both the night before and after at our venue. So the kids can retire to their bedrooms if need be. They are also a little older.

    We then said on our invites and website that unfortunately due to restrictions of our venue, we cannot accommodate any children  apart from those who are part of our wedding party.

    This worked for us and we haven't had any push back. To be fair though most of my friends and family don't have kids yet. And his friends and family are very reasonable. And are looking forward to a child free wedding.

    The contract of our venue actually says that all kids need to be monitored 24/7 And that they will fine us 500£ if anything in the castle gets damaged. We didn't want to take the risk. Plus not having kids reduced our numbers and therefore budget.

  • We've chosen to have no children apart from those in the wedding party (and those coming from overseas) since we want to spend time with our friends as our friends, and have been to too many weddings where those with children spent the whole time dealing with their children and not getting to interact much with other adults, or even enjoy the day.

    Quite a lot of my friends have children who are maybe 7 or older, and can be left with friends for a weekend sleepover, and many of those with smaller children have sufficiently local family, but there are a few I'm worried about.

    Part of our mitigation is having things a bit backwards where everyone comes to the church and then for champagne and cake, and then some guests leave and a smaller number stay for dinner and dancing. We're having no evening-only guests. So those who could only leave their children for the day but not overnight can still come to the actual wedding, and we may also be willing to accommodate some children for this part of the day if we have to. However, the dinner will be a highchair-free zone ;)

    (And totally taking notes on some of the suggested wording...!)

  • TalieDTalieD Posts: 11 New bride

    We're having a child free wedding too (even family members!) I think we're just gonna make a slight note saying 

    With respect and love, we would like the ceremony and reception to be adult only occasions

     

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