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feelin terrible and in between compromising


i refer to my gf as OH or sumtimes him cuz im scared of how people will take me and its finally downed on me that im being stupid! We are getting a civil partnership in feb 09 i have a beautiful white gold diamond ring, its beautiful! ive always dreamt of a BIG white wedding and seein my couisens do it last year has made me want it even more! i am lucky my partner has agreed to me waring a big white dress and her in a suite! We have a huge guest list up to 160 people, i kno my partner doesnt want this but its my dream! Today we have been talking and she thinks we should do a commitment ceromany abroad, but i want a big celebration here! So i have suggested we do it here then a few months later we go to (were ever we decide on) have both of us in a dress and have a lovely commitment ceromany on the beach while the sun is coming down on us just me & claire

what do you think? am i taking it out of proportion?

advise welcome please


  • deecydeecy Posts: 7,493
    Hi sweetheart lol

    If she doesn't want a big wedding will she be happy to have one then get a commitment ceremony abroad? It seems to me that the commitment cermony idea was an alternative not an 'as well'

    I think doing both is not really a compromise, a smaller but still fabulous wedding would be a compromise. There are lots of ways you can make your day like you dreamed it & if you involve your partner in all the preparations she may come round to it in the end?

    [Modified by: deecy on March 03, 2008 10:45 PM]
  • sweetheart85uksweetheart85uk Posts: 2,037
    her idea of a wedding is me her & 2 witnesses! this isnt my dream. i have to prove to my family its just as special plus gotta make my parents proud of me sum how, cuz they not happy bout my sexuality, infact they were horrified and very angry got chucked ou and rejected by my couisen and all my friends, tuk a while to get bk to normal with family they didnt like the first few people i went out with. then wen i meet claire they liked her my couisen is still a swine though she hates it and she dnt make it easy for claire to be around when she is, infact if claire isnt around shell visit as soon as claires at home she wont and shes onli 28 (my couisen) same age as claire! I need to prove that just cuz of my sexuality it doesnt meani crnt have the big white wedding just like my couisens had last year so much pressure from e1 i could SCREAM!
  • AnneSukAnneSuk Posts: 46
    I can really see where you're coming from on this - I understand that need to prove that what you are doing is as important as any other family wedding. (One of my friends told me I wouldn't want a cake because 'it wasn't a real wedding' and didn't understand why I objected!)

    However I do think it might help to be clear on what you want *for yourself*, and what you only want *because other people don't want you to have it*.

    Personally I think the only way through this is to decide what the day means to *you*, as opposed to what it does or doesn't mean to everyone else. Ultimately you can't *force* people to take you seriously - in my own case, I know I could be swearing my vows in a Vera Wang dress in St Paul's Cathedral and it still wouldn't make my mother think that this was a 'real wedding'! So ultimately maybe you need to think of yourself and your partner and create the significance of the day together, rather than relying on what other people think?

    Really hope this helps - I'm sure that you and Claire will be able to create something really special for the two of you!

  • sweetheart85uksweetheart85uk Posts: 2,037

    Claire has finally found a venue she likes which isnt too big but isnt too small! We have paid the deposit and its the same place my couisen giot married last summer! We have decided that we will have teh big wedding cuz both families do want to attend but having probs with the "realness" of it if u get me? But we are also having a commitment ceromany in Italy, so we get the realli personal and the family thing! So lets just hope things will be ok now!
  • cazingecazinge Posts: 61
    I really feel for you hun, we're having a small wedding then a big celebration (read p*ss up) the next day for all our not so close friends, work colleagues, etc at our local because Iona didn't want the whole big white wedding thing.

    I understand your family probs as well, my family have never met Iona and won't be coming to our CP because they are not happy about my sexuality and Iona's parents said at first that they "didn't see the need...etc etc" but are now being v supportive (bless them)

    As long as you and Claire agree on what you want, or what you will and will not compromise on you will have a great day, who cares what anyone else thinks? I think 2 weddings is a great idea and a holiday to boot - bonus!
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