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Second time for H2B (ex wife a nightmare!)

Hi there everyone. Am quite new to this but I am getting married in August 2009. I am 26 and H2B is 37 and has been married before, he has a little girl.



Situation has taken a lot of adjusting to (we haven't been together that long and got engaged after 3 months). I was a complete party girl before, even though I was in relationships I was always out on a Saturday night. i finished with previous boyfriend mainly because I didn't want that type of life anymore. Anyway, found H2B and its been intense but we're completely in love and I can't wait to marry him. I love his little girl but his ex wife is a complete pain! He pays way above what he needs to for his little girl in maintenance and left ex wife and little girl her in a big house with no mortgage on the divorce, we have her every other weekend and can't see her much more often as live 70 miles away (H2B travels past their house for work though). She rings and texts him quite often, from anything to her purse has been stolen to and she needs money or the car has failed MOT and she needs money! It drives me insane! My H2B obviously doesn't want little girl to go without and will just drop in money on way to work. Its not so much the money, more that she still seems to have this control over him, if she doesn't get her own way, she starts threatening about access etc....



Please tell me if I'm being completely unreasonable but sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind!! I try to explain how I feel but then H2B gets paranoid that I want my old party lifestlye back! xx

Posts

  • Hi SophieD, Welcome!



    I had a similar problem with h2b,his now ex wife had some bizarre hold over him for the entire time the divorce was going on, I understood that he didnt want to rock the boat and everything, but it didn't make life easy or enjoyable. For any of us.



    You need to talk to him about it, lovely.



    Sorry to state the glaringly obvious!!!



    PPC

    xx

    [Modified by: PrincessPinkCupcake on February 20, 2009 08:48 AM]

  • awwww.... I sympathise with you, my h2b ex wife is always ringing him to fix something or other or borrow money or just to generally moan about her life. It wouldnt be so bad but we have been living together for over 3 years. She got told recently that we were getting married and she went mad!! rang and told us to delete her number and she no longer wanted any contact....yeah like that bothered me!! after a few weeks she was ringing again... ive told my h2b that she still has a thing for him and he his now starting to agree with me and said if she calls again he will have to tell her its got to stop!! watch this space....
  • sophia12uksophia12uk Posts: 172
    SophieD hi, you have to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control, I had the same problem with h2b ex and I had to put my feet down and I told her straight to her face that if she ever called my man unessesarily she'll never see the end of it. she's got 2 kids for him and thinks the world revolves around her! she better not play with mebecause she knows what I'm like. H2b use to be so scare of her, until I told him to grow up and be a man and told her to whine her neck in! You have to lve, or else they'll walk all over you!
  • SophieDukSophieDuk Posts: 67
    Thanks for you comments girls. Since I posted things have come to a head a couple of times where she has dragged me into arguments at every opportunity. I had given her my contact details incase she needed to contact me in emergencies and she has abused that, ringing me when my h2b is not answering his phone and demanding I tell him to call her. We have had a legal agreement drawn up now in terms of maintenance as she was threateing to 'freeze our assets' through a court order and get everything she was entitled to for last three years! Makes me laugh, think she would end up owing h2b money! Anyway, h2b has now changed his number so hopefully that will be the end of it. I am now expecting myself and we have bought wedding forward to May, so hopefully we can start married life with a clean break from her and just be happy with his daughter every other weekend! Fingers corssed eh?!
  • Congratulations SophieD!!!



    All the best with your pregnancy!!!



    Good Luck with the wedding & baby xxx
  • Just a quick note to congratulate you on your pregnancy, and wish you well for your wedding.



    Aso wanted to say that in my experience (and that of my friends), the ex's do no change and the best thing to do is find a way that you both agree on to cope with it.



    My H2B's ex has to be the ultimate.......she uses his children as pawns in her ever increasingly warped mind games, refusing H2B access if she doesn't get her own way over something (usually money, despite the fact that she has re-married to a man twice as wealthy as my H2B). She has falsely claimed to Dr's that her 10 year old was hearing voices which resulted in him having a brain scan (!) and also falsely accused my H2B of something which resulted in him getting arrested!!!! She then dropped the charges only aftr we had spent a fortune on Solicitrs advice.



    Everytme something like this flares up, I feel very stressed and get a tight knotted feeling in my chest. However, I have learned over the years that she flares up, causes merry hell and then calms down and disappears for a while. My H2B and I have therefore agreed that on each occassion we will do absolutely nothing for at least a week......not even reply to abusive texts etc......with the thought that if things are still bad in a weeks time then we will deal with it then. In almost all cases, this infuriates her so that the abuse increases initially, and then she gets bored when she realises that she is getting nowhere nd retreats back into her little hole!!!!



    So, in summary......find a way of coping with the ex from Hell that you both agree with and stick to. Firm but fair and always consistent works.



    Good luck xxxxx
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