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Can I have your words of wisdom, please?

Hi ladies, I just wondered if some of you could tell me how it feels to be marying for a 2nd/3rd/4th time!

I am 28 and have never been married, my H2B is 31 and was married for 4 years (he married at age 24) before he left his first wife.

His first marriage was not 100% happy - although I know they did love each other greatly to begin with. They met over the internet, were engaged before they had met face to face, their first real meeting was when she moved in with him and they married 6 months after that in a register office with just witnesses.

By contrast, H2B and I had been best friends for 2 years before we started going out and have lived together for 2 years now and we are so happy and in love, I sometimes feel it must all be a dream.

He tells me that he has never loved anyone like he loves me and that he's excited about our wedding and married life in a way that he never was with his ex. In his words "this is how it should feel getting married".

I know that he isn't just saying that because when we were just pals, he used to confide in me about how marriage didn't mean anything to him, he felt it was pointless - if you loved someone then a piece of paper shouldn't make a difference -and he only married his first wife to keep her happy.

So that is the background of my relationship and I am so thrilled to be getting married but occasionally I wonder what it feels like to marry again? Do you ever think back to previous relationships? Or do you feel more certain that you won't make the same mistakes again?

I love H2B and I have no worries about his feelings for me or his reasons for proposing - I would just love it if some of you could give me a clue as to second-time emotions


[Modified by: purplebutterfly on 26 October 2008 17:57:48 ]


  • hi, ive been married 3 times b4 and tho two of my marrages were my choice the third wasnt.

    The third was booked for me by my ex, i didnt want to go threw with it but did it to make him happy, big misstake. It was over within 12 months.

    This time im marrying a man i love, we have been together 6 years nearly, hes never been married b4 and hes so happy about the wedding.

    I have a diffrent out look this time and i cant wait for our big day because im know im marrying the RIGHT man, hope this helps mandy
  • lms011lms011 Posts: 290
    Im marrying for the third time next July. I think I knew from the start that the first marriage wasnt right - I married at 18, and in hindsight it was a way of escaping a very unhappy home life with my parents, although I had every intention of staying married for life. However 17 yrs and 2 beautiful children later, I decided it really wasnt working and left. We are not what I would call friends now, but we do speak to each other, and I know he wishes me well as I do him.

    My second marriage (4 yrs later) was everything I ever wanted. I was madly in love, and was 100% sure that I was doing the right thing. I had no doubts at all. Its a long story, but I found out 4 yrs (and a son!) later that he had been having an affair for 3 years - I had no idea, and it nearly finished me off! This was enough to put me off men for 8 yrs, then when I least expected it, I met my now H2B. He is a widower, and has no children, but is the most loving and supportive man I have ever known - my children think the world of him, and I know he would never let me down. If I thought for a moment that I couldnt trust him (after my previous experience) then I would not have agreed to marry him, as he doesnt deserve to with with someone who has such issues.

    I guess what I am saying, is that you really never know - if I had been told as a teenager that I would be married 3 times, I wouldnt have believed it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but then again, I would not have had my 3 wonderful children, so I cant regret what has happened even if it was very, very hard at times.

  • abi151276abi151276 Posts: 137
    I feel like my previous marriages were a dream,or that they happened to someone else while I watched from the sidelines, from the moment I met my h2b, I fell so deeply in love with him it seems laughable I believed myself to ever have been in love before, which is why this feels like my first and only wedding, and certainly the only one I have ever shown an interest in
  • Thanks so much ladies. This time next week I will be a married woman and it doesn't seem real yet. It's like I'm living out a fairytale.

    I hope all of you have wonderful weddings and fabulous lives with your new hubbies

  • BearCubukBearCubuk Posts: 1,145
    Read my post about grooms 4th marriage! lol

    I've also been married before and although I'm still good friends with my ex he feels more like a brother to me. People who've met us since we seperated find it hard to believe we were ever married. My fiance treats him like one of the family so I couldn't ask for more.

    On the other hand, I haven't met any of my fiance's ex wives although I do get on great with his children. He's always talked openly about his reasons for marrying and why things didn't work so I've never had a reason to feel jealous or insecure.

    What we have together is something special and we both know in our hearts that it is completely different to what has gone before. As the other posters have said, the past feels like a previous life.

    Enjoy your big day and your future together. xxx
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