Taking Step child on honeymoon...

My H2B has a child from a previous relationship. I get on really well with the child and view my upcoming marriage as not just becoming a wife but also a proper stepmum.



My H2B's ex is being really difficult about the whole thing and keeps throwing spanners in the works just when we think we've satisfied her latest demand. We moved the wedding from outside of school holidays to inside school holidays as she refused to allow the child any time off school to go away on a mini moon with us.



Now it's all sorted she's decided that it's "wierd and abnormal" that we want to take the child away with us straight after our wedding and is saying she won't allow it. For context, she dislikes me intensely.



Do you all think it's wierd to take your child on honeymoon? (or half of it anyway as we were planning on doing one week with the kid, followed by a week on our own)

Posts

  • personally, i think it is time to be a couple, but thats me.
  • It's not weird if it feels right to you. Whilst I'm not sure I would like it I can see that you have made a fab gesture at showing the child that you are now a family too, that its not just about you marrying thier dad. The ex can say its weird all she likes - if weird to her is you being kind, loving and considerate to your husband's child! Go for it and ignore her nonsense. If she decides to ruin the plans she's spoiling her child's fun which will come back and bite her on the bum in the furure I am sure. Hope it all works out for you. x
  • Quoted:
    My H2B has a child from a previous relationship. I get on really well with the child and view my upcoming marriage as not just becoming a wife but also a proper stepmum.



    My H2B's ex is being really difficult about the whole thing and keeps throwing spanners in the works just when we think we've satisfied her latest demand. We moved the wedding from outside of school holidays to inside school holidays as she refused to allow the child any time off school to go away on a mini moon with us.



    Now it's all sorted she's decided that it's "wierd and abnormal" that we want to take the child away with us straight after our wedding and is saying she won't allow it. For context, she dislikes me intensely.



    Do you all think it's wierd to take your child on honeymoon? (or half of it anyway as we were planning on doing one week with the kid, followed by a week on our own)
  • Firstly you don't say if you live near the child or how old. If you were wanting time off school then I see her point. If it was a Saturday during school time then why would you even have thought about changing the date when you wanted to get married was not up to her or anyone else. I think it is kinda strange to want to take your step child on your honeymoon. I am sure you will be a good step-mum and there will be loads of hols with your new step daughter just not your honeymoon. Had you thought that the ex might actually be being nice here thinking that its a time for the couple. Why not have the honeymoon as a couple and book a holiday at say Oct half term. Thank the child's mother's for being so thoughtful and say that she right you will want to be just a very happy newly married couple and ask if Oct would be ok... hope that helps xx
  • I think it's strange to take kids on honeymoon as the whole point of it is to spend time together alone as a couple after your wedding. I know a lot of people do it but it's not for me. Saying that, it doesn't really matter what I or others think, if it doesn't feel strange to you both then you should do what you like. Just make sure you get some time alone which you've said you're going to do anyway.



  • Thanks for your replies and comments - it's always interesting to hear what other people think.



    To be fair, I was initially not that keen on taking my step child on honeymoon as we see him a lot and we have plenty of holidays so I also felt it was really a time for us to be alone. However, it was important to my H2B and I could see that it would be really fun and a nice way to mark this change in our lives.



    However, his ex really wasn't having it and we don't really have choices, we just have to do what she says.. so the wedding has been moved back to the original Sept date and we will be taking my step son on holiday in August anyway. (Plus Feb half term, easter and probably October!!).



    happyb2b09 - my stepson is 5 years old and lives 200 miles away, although we have a house there and spend as much time as we can there - at least every other weekend. We have been together for 4.5 years so from my years of experience with this, I don't think she was trying to be nice. But that's a whole other conversation and without going into detail I think it would be hard to explain just how much she dislikes me and therefore would not do anything to be nice to me!



    Anyway, onwards and upwards - the world is now my oyster for choosing our honeymoon so that's a silver lining at least!!

  • Well think ex's are normally more than a little peeved when the father of their children has moved on... and even more so....happy...in love & getting married,,, We live 30miles from my h2b child & have had more than a few problems with access over the years I can tell you... I do think she has done you a favour thou... I would not be happy if my h2b thought it ok to take his child on our honeymoon... Have you got any thoughts on place yet? Def thinking Turkey at the moment we love it there









    [Modified by: happyb2b09 on January 30, 2009 07:12 PM]





    [Modified by: happyb2b09 on January 30, 2009 07:16 PM]

  • ooh, I love love Turkey!! We went to Kalkan with Tapestry holidays a couple of years ago and had the best time. The people were lovely, the food was great and we had such a nice time on a Gulet for the day.



    You could even get the cruise you wanted but a bit different by doing a Gulet cruise in Turkey. Not quite the same as the big cruiseliners but really nice, nonetheless!!

    My h2b has talked about going to Sardinia in Italy but we haven't really looked at anything properly yet. I kind of want to go further afield as we are hoping to have kids of our own straight away so I see it as a last chance to go somewhere non-child friendly for a while. I fancy the Carribean but think Sept is the wrong time.
  • Quoted:
    ooh, I love love Turkey!! We went to Kalkan with Tapestry holidays a couple of years ago and had the best time. The people were lovely, the food was great and we had such a nice time on a Gulet for the day.



    You could even get the cruise you wanted but a bit different by doing a Gulet cruise in Turkey. Not quite the same as the big cruiseliners but really nice, nonetheless!!

    My h2b has talked about going to Sardinia in Italy but we haven't really looked at anything properly yet. I kind of want to go further afield as we are hoping to have kids of our own straight away so I see it as a last chance to go somewhere non-child friendly for a while. I fancy the Carribean but think Sept is the wrong time.


    Def don't do carribean in Sept. Only thing with a gulet is what if you don't like the others on board you kinda can't get away form them lol... We have looked at Turkey is all still full bro price so think we will wait until must nearer the time. Also see what money is left after the wedding...
  • We are getting married in Cuba asked could we take my H2B 6 year old daughter, told no as was in school time and since she has not allowed us to have their daughter and has told H2B she is getting the child's surname changed to her's. She has also told the child that her daddy doesn't love her as much as he loves me, which is really quite sad. Does anyone else's H2B get held to ransom over the children?

    We have been together 3 and 1/2 years, and she left him the year before that.
  • Hi,

    I'm so glad I found this thread.



    I'm getting married in Lake Garda next June and my h2b and I have 4 children between us , ranging from 12, 10, 8 and 5.... 3 boys and 1 girl!!



    I've been reading with interest about dilemmas regarding whether to take the children away on honeymoon. We've got no choice really as my children live with me and my h2b's are with us twice a week and live 5 mins round the corner!! We've sort of decided that we'll go out together and have around 5/6 days together then the kiddiwinks will fly back with their grandparents and we'll have the second week as our honeymoon.



    We think my h2b's ex will be ok with everything, but my ex on the other hand I know will try and throw a spanner in the works even though he got married last year and had a honeymoon in the Maldives whilst his 18 month old daughter stayed with grandparents for the week!!!!



    We've decided to have a couple of contingency plans just in case. Plan a) for us to all travel back after the wedding and then for us to have a honeymoon at a later date in the year. Plan b) my mum has kindly offered to have my boys for the week..... a very kind offer indeed, but I think my mum will have no hair left after the week!!!!



    Does anyone else still have ex's who feel they can still interfere in your life?



    Love to hear from anyone in similar circumstances.



  • Solo_BeckettSolo_Beckett Posts: 310
    Personally I think it's as to me at least Honeymoon = time alone together.

    In saying that I think it is really kind of you to want to have your stepchild with you and that it is terrible of his mother to make things difficult for you. It's jealousy..

    Do what you think will be the best for you all
  • cottontail1ukcottontail1uk Posts: 601
    I think it's a bit unusual to take children on honeymoon but both my boys will be coming with us I can tell you that now. We've lived as a family for 4 years so why leave them home?



    We don't personally need any 'us' time and can't afford another holiday for the kids later in the year and also I couldn't bear to leave them behind. Ex's permitting, you do what you are happy with. It's not abnormal, it's just personal choice no harm either way really.



    I think it's really lovely that you are happy for your step-child to come on your honeymoon. A lot of step mothers are evil bitches (mine is) and you only need to read some of the threads on here to see what goes on, I've wrote a thing or two about mine on here. Total acceptance is what children need and I'd say you are off to a bloody good start. Good for you and good luck xx
  • beccajoaniebeccajoanie Posts: 145
    I am definetly taking my 7 year old daughter with me. She is a very important part of the whole marriage ceremony, and my H2B is adamant that he is not only marrying me, but becoming a fixture in my daughters life too, as her step dad. She is over the moon that she is coming on honey moon with us. We are having a couple of nights away on our own first, then including her to go away for a week. I don't think it is strange at all.



    xx



  • herestroubleherestrouble Posts: 323
    I'm bucking the trend on this thread and leaving both my by own children and my stepson at home whilst we have a honeymoon.



    We are going away Sunday to Friday and want to enjoy the time as just for us, we have my children 12 out of 14 days and my stepson alternate weekends so we don't get many opportunities to just be us alone on holiday. My parents are stopping on after the wedding to look after my children in our home as its term time.



    I don't feel guilty leaving them. This year their dad is taking them away for two weeks and we are taking them for a week in France (H2B's dad has a house in South France so we get free hols!) and we are just going to Centre Parcs for 4 nights and a night in the Lakes before that as our honeymoon.



    I personally find it a little strange to take kids on a honeymoon and I would say something if my kids dad and his girlfriend took my kids away on a honeymoon or if stepson was took away on his mums and stepdad2b honeymoon.

    [Modified by: HT72 on June 05, 2009 12:59 AM]

  • I don't think your h2b should have put pressure on you to take his little boy on honeymoon! most unfair and a bit worrying! Especially as there is no actual need for it. It really should be time for just the two of you if at all possible, or if you both had children then a "family honeymoon" might be sort of ok. I have a little girl who lives with h2b and me and we will be lucky if we manage one night away to ourselves, as I'm not on good terms with my ex and he chooses to go months without seeing our daughter. My h2b also has 2 children but they only live with us half of each week - the rest of the week, they live with their mum. All our kids will be with us the night before the wedding and obviously on the Big Day, but we are hoping(much as we love them all!) that someone will have them for a sleepover or 2 after the event, just to give us some special "us time". Next best thing to that would be all of us going away and thinking of it not so much as a honeymoon but a family holiday to celebrate our new lives together. Can't see that happening though, as funds won't allow it, and come to think of it, it's in term time, so a non-starter.
  • tigger_197613tigger_197613 Posts: 4,416
    i would love to go away just as a couple after the wedding i have 4 kids 2 boys their dad has stopped all contact with them so theres no chance there .... 2 girls their dad wont have them because it interfers with when his girlfreind is visiting so looks likw we will be going away during summer hols with all the kids
  • sarahrobsonuksarahrobsonuk Posts: 3,266
    I think if you've got kids, then they should go with you on holiday, we had ours in the same room as us on the first night of our marriage.! I think that expecting someone to look after your kids while you swan off on holiday is a bit much. They're your responsibility, you should look after them. I could never leave my kids, they're part of our family, and i've never had a break without them since they were born. My view, don't slate it please.
  • PrincessCeePrincessCee Posts: 496
    Lol, I am so glad for the breaks I had from my parents whilst growing up. Helped me and my siblings to be independent and to enjoy quality time with the rest of the family., I wouldn't knock it or criticize people who want a break without their children.
  • elisaspirielisaspiri Posts: 142
    Well he's not my child so I don;t have a choice but I should imagine that when i have kids I will leave them with family every once in a while. But I was brought up more like PrincessCee, with lovely breaks from my parents, spent with extended family. All happy memories!



    Plus, I imagine it would be nice for couples to be just them and do purely adult things. Not all the time but maybe one night a year would do you some good as a couple. Not you personally saz39, just "you" generally.
  • katiejones2bkatiejones2b Posts: 996
    you have a top bloke threre..he obv really cares 4 his kid if he wanted to make the time special 4 him too image

    the way i see it if you've got kids & you get married its about becoming a family rather than becoming a couple image n i think you have a diamond there..very good bet if you would like kids in the future image

  • elisaspirielisaspiri Posts: 142
    Thanks Katie - he is a diamond!! He's a really great Dad & I'm sure he's going to be amazing when we have our own kids too (god willing)!
  • Black-RoseBlack-Rose Posts: 4,305
    We took my daughter on honeymoon with us. I call it a honeymoon because it was the holiday after the wedding but hubby says we didn't have a honeymoon because she came with us and it was just a holiday.

    She is my daughter from my previous marriage so his step daughter and it was his idea that she came with us.



    It would be nice to say honeymoons are for couples not children but when the child lives with you and you know leaving her would break her heart what can you do. We have the rest of our lives to have a romantic break once she is grown up.

  • Gracie4Gracie4 Posts: 1

    I realize this is an old post but I stumbled upon it and cannot resist replying.   DO NOT spend the precious few days after your wedding with your stepchildren - or any other third party (and yes, a child is a third party to your marriage) - even if it SEEMS like a good idea.  My son is older and was leaving for his own trip the day after the wedding so that was never an issue.  However, I suggested that we bring my 8 year-old stepdaughter with us for the short getaway that started 2 days after we were married.  My husband and I planned to delay our "real" honeymoon until 9 months later, due to finances and the sheer fatigue of wedding planning while working long hours.  So, I thought, wouldn't it be nice to include his daughter on this getaway so we could sort of celebrate and establish ourselves as a family unit.  Bad idea.  The bond that is the highest priority right after your wedding is the one with your spouse.  Make that your focus.  We also thought it would be easier to just keep my stepdaughter rather than have to deal with the logistics of a custody exchange during a time when her other biological parent would have been an even more unwelcome blip on our radar.  However, another family member could have dropped her off.  I cannot emphasize enough, my husband and I were wrong to include my stepdaughter in what should have been a time for US - and us only  -  to bask in the newness of our marriage, the joy of our wedding day, and focus on each other.  Both of us deeply regret her being there.  Even though we tried to hide it, I  don't think it is good for a child to be in a situation where he/she is unwanted.  And it was not a good idea for us as newlyweds to sacrifice that time with each other.  For any brides out there, leave your children/stepchildren with someone else and enjoy that sacred time with your husband. 

  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120

    Gracie4, what an utterly depressing post - not sure why you would even post this on such an old post since you’re already married. But honestly, making a child feel unwanted and deeply regret the child being there? Horrible on so many levels. 

    Can only hope you do a bit better these days ensuring your stepdaughter feel part of a family and wanted. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Bloody hell haha me and H2B have a 5 year old daughter (will be six by the time honeymoon comes around) and we are not taking her, but this is because H2B feels a honeymoon is for the couple and not th child (I didnt mind either way) and I know we can take her on holiday as well later in the year. My daughter adores time away from us to see her grandparents who live a few hours away and we have done multiple trips away ranging from 2 days to 1 week without her so I know she will be ok and honestly when we have given her a choice she has chosen them (grandparents in the lovely house in the countryside near the seaside spoiling her everyday and other fanily members coming to see her and usually giving her pennies for sweets or things? A kids dream haha)

    Your post Gracie4 is quite harsh on those parents who did take, or are planning on taking, their children. If you were unable to hide from the child that they were unwantedthat is your doing. My daughter has had me tearing my hair out, at the height of her difficult toddler years when her behavior was pushing every boundry and I was realising how much futher behind I was than my university friends in my career, having to say no to things all because I had a daughter (I still am the only one of any of my friends with a child) I had nights where I cried and wondered if I had even made the right choice to have her. And yet at no point in her life has my daughter ever seen that. I kept that to myself and ensured I got them feeligs sorted and moved on all while she remained oblivioius. The other week her teacher mentioned to me that in a discussion over feelings and emotions that my daughter explained that "people get angry and upset and my mummy gets angry and annoyed when I do silly things or dont listen but she still loves me because she always loves me."

    So do not make other parents feel bad for taking their kids just because you and your husband couldn't hide your feelings from a child. Some of us have had worse feelings and still made sure a child never knew.

    **and rant of the day on a topic that really got to me is now over. I shall now go back to generally calm and anger free Sadie***

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