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How long to wait?

How long did people on here wait from their decree absolute to getting engaged again? My decree absolute is applyable for in 3 weeks (w00t!) but I feel a bit self-conscious about the idea of getting engaged within days - whilst at the same time practically climbing the walls to do so!

I guess I feel like there should be some 'decent period' so people don't just think I'm being some crazed re-marrier, rather than realising how much me and bf love and adore each other, and how much we can't wait to start a life together and buy a house, have pets and babies and... (gosh how domestic of me!)

I'd just appreciate the input - and how people reacted when you told them you were getting married again. In most ways I couldn't give two hoots if people don't approve (I love him and I want to be with him and have a life together) but equally, I really don't want to look - I don't know, needy?

FYI I left ExH in September, have been with bf (h2b I hope!) since October with a tiny bit of very complicated crossover when I dumped ExH and moved out but he didn't realise...

Please help!


  • mrshalomrshalo Posts: 113
    Hi, we are engaged already but only a very few of our friends know cos we are planning to elope. Am hoping to make a date as soon as the absolute comes through, dont want to plan anything before then.

    I dont care what others think about us, we have waited 25 years to be together and have finally met last year, my stbxh left me in july and I met h2b in september which seemed a bit sudden but given the circumstances, nobody has judged us and are really happy for us (but dont know we are intending to get married yet lol). I do wonder if people will think we are rushing into marriage so soon but then again, who cares?

    Anyway congrats on getting your absolute so soon, I have been given a yet to be confirmed date for nisi on the 27th april and proceedings were started in december image so will be ages yet before we get the absolute.

    I will post more asap, am full of painkillers (hence the need for a quickie wedding) and they currently arent working imageimage and too spaced out to think much!
  • samoooosamoooo Posts: 288
    ok thankyou so much image I really appreciate the response - hope the painkillers are kicking in

  • ariesgirlukariesgirluk Posts: 965
    Technically I got engaged before my divorce proceedings had actually commenced becuase both ex and I decided to wait for divorce under the 2 year 'with consent' rule. However, we didn't really call it an engagement because of our ages and the fact that we were living together. We saw it more of a 'commitment' and agreed that if people asked I was wearing a commitment ring. A subtle difference I know but it just seemed a better way to put it until our respective divorces had gone through. Best wishes xxx
  • mynx-69mynx-69 Posts: 426
    hi i left exh in jan 06 met h2b in feb but didnt go out till march been together since 23 march 06 got mi nisi in august 06 but didnt get decree absolute till autumn 07 as exh was being unreasonable about money (no change there! lol) got engaged on christmas day 07 and getting married on 8th august 09. people had plenty to say in the beginning like its a bit soon uve only just got yourself sorted and your doin it again! I DONT CARE i love hb2 and im not bothered what anyone says x x
  • samoooosamoooo Posts: 288
    *beam* That's cool jo72. I like that and understand what you mean. I didn't go round looking for someone else to be with, given that my marriage was dissolving around my ears, but it happened and he's amazing image So yes I suspect I'm going to get the same comments from some people (othe friends are going to be doing a happy dance) but you're quite right in your opinion. Thankyou!! image
  • Hi, I split with my ex September 06 (been on the rocks a while by then) and met my boyfriend in December 2006. My divorce is going through at the moment and my boyfriend proposed 2 weeks ago. We have had nothing but nice comments, everyone has been so supportive especially as my friends and family werent over keen on my ex and they love my fiancee. If its right for you then I say just do it! xxx
  • hushiebaahushiebaa Posts: 324
    This will actually be my 3rd wedding after 2 horrendous mistakes! You always get the usual comments however long you wait people call me Liz Taylor in a jokey way I think its supposed to be funny. This time I had been divorced 3 months before I met H2B and we will have been together for 2 years when we marry in June. First divorce I married 6 months after it coming through. i think if it feels right for you go for it!
  • lettypoplettypop Posts: 712
    I don't have any advice, just wanted to say congratulations to you all
  • bladetteukbladetteuk Posts: 396
    I got breast cancer in 1999, and my husband of 22 years walked out 2 weeks after my surgery, so I went straight to court and got divorce papers, stood over him whild he signed them, took them back to court and got my decree nisi in 19 days! But it was then 6 years till I met my h2b. When I get married next year it will be 33 years and 1 day since the first time!
  • mrshalomrshalo Posts: 113
    Have been off the painkillers for past 2/3 days now so enjoying being back in the real world!

    Am busy praying that I can get nisi on the 27th, the sooner the better so I can get legal matters out of the way.

    Hushiebaa, nice to see another 3rd timer on here, I havent had any comments yet, only that I fell on my feet after the ex left me when I met h2b, but I was the one cracking jokes about being a serial divorcee. image

    Bladette, cant believe what you have been through, bet you were really glad to get nisi so quickly.

    Its still going through my head that maybe I should postpone for a while yet but until I get a date for absolute or am holding it in my hand, only then can we set a definate date or not. As I said before, I dont care what anyone says, if we do decide to marry as soon as my absolute comes through, its not for anyone else to judge. I've never felt so comfortable and happy in my life as I do now, we can even have massive steaming rows and laugh about it afterwards, I could never do that with my ex-husbands, I mean I could never have a row as they were too busy abusing me and putting me down.

    H2b's 2nd ex-wife got married about 3 months after their absolute came through, although she had been sleeping with said person throughout h2b's marriage and as soon as she kicked him out, she moved new man in. That is so wrong. I saw her on saturday image I nipped to use a loo in M&S and h2b waited outside, when I came out, she was looming over him (too close for comfort for h2b) and I guessed straightaway that it was his 2nd wife even though ive never seen photos. Both his ex-wives were horrible, his 1st was a husband batterer, the 2nd just made his life a misery and constantly cheated on him, she only wanted the big posh wedding and screwed him for his money. He is disabled and wheelchair bound now and I love him for him, we may be both penniless now but we are so happy.

    Actually, I saw a photo of him at his 2nd wedding (taken with his mum) and he looks so unhappy, he has a very 'readable' face btw but it just yells how he was forced into being married and so miserable. I have photos of us together and he looks completely different (but I can still read him lol). He is the right one for me without a doubt, so it shouldnt matter when we decide to get married.

  • hushiebaahushiebaa Posts: 324
    Thanks mrshalo, I can honestly say that even though I have done this 2 times before I have never been so excited as I am about this time. I wish I had remembered how stressful it is though image
  • mrshalomrshalo Posts: 113
    Lol thats why we are eloping this time, we have had 2 weddings each, now its our turn to do exactly what WE want!

    I do feel like a big kid sometimes and it also feels like the first time, but we are both so excited, it doesnt matter how many times you have been married, if its the right one, you just know. Anyway, think of the first 2 as practice runs or rehearsals til the real thing came along!
  • samoooosamoooo Posts: 288
    Posted the absolute application off today

    *tries to breathe*

    Wish i didn't get so wound up by 'significant life moments'...!
  • mrshalomrshalo Posts: 113
    Ooooooooooh I feel for you f-g, hopefully time will fly for mine (we are currently holding our breath here waiting for h2b to find out if he will get dla, he urgently desparately needs a motability car, our lives depend on it!).

    Had an urge to tell my mum today but know she will tut and think im crazy/insane/deluded to run from one marriage straight into another, at least h2b has been divorced for 2 years (he finally found his absolute image so just need mine now) and single for quite a while.

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