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This is what getting married is supposed to feel like!!!

I have five weeks to go and am so excited, it's made me realise just what a huge mistake i made the first time round.



My first wedding was nothing of an affair, got married purely because i wanted to have the same name as our daughter (it was important to me at the time). Looking back i can now see that i never got excited, i didn't exactly look forward to it, it was just going through the motions, with a dress that cost £10 from C&A in the sale! I never felt the love and the want to make my first husband happy like i feel now. I feel like i'm going into this knowing that, because of my previous mistake i know that this will work, I have seen where i went wrong (ok, marrying an abusive alcoholic was the give away) and this time i truly have the right person for me. can't wait to walk down the aisle!!!



Have any other second (or even third) time round ladies felt the same about this wedding?!

Posts

  • Clareabella



    I so understand how you feel. I'm getting married in 6 months and I can't wait, I'm so excited about it all and it's made me realise how it should have been the first time, although it wouldn't have been because my ex was a miserable so and so and I am now with some one completley different who I love so much.



    Don't you wonder why you went through with the first one? I do, I think I knew on my wedding day that it wasn't what I really wanted.



  • It does, though like i said, i knew then that to have the same name as my daughter was the reason, i had a silly ideal that having a child out of marriage just wasn't to be done!



    I remember the feeling on my wedding day the first time around, i don't remember much of the 'service' other than fluffing the words, i just remember feeling ill, with a knott in my stomach, i went home and straight to bed!
  • daisylozdaisyloz Posts: 3,109
    I know how you're feeling cos I feel the same....I was just about to split with my ex when I found myself pregnant...so...isnt hindsight 20x20 vision?...I married him. 25 years and 2 more children later I finally ended my unhappiness...I distinctly remember when I went off on honeymoon last time...thinking....oh no I feel so bored and lonely already! Everything is different this time round....I adore my h2b and we are soul mates and I cant wait to marry him and go off on our own on honeymoon ...woo hoo ! xx
  • Oh, Daisyloz 25 years unhappy?! I managed six. I never had a honeymoon first time, but i do remember not being excited at all on my wedding day. For me, i reaslised on my sixth wedding anniversary that i had to do something when, we'd gone away. He'd booked it because i told him he HAD to as i was sick of arranging everything and i was more interested in the decor of the b&b we were staying in than the person i was with!!



    I can safely say that now i go around in a daze most places and i only care about h2b!



    Only five weeks to wait!
  • daisylozdaisyloz Posts: 3,109
    Lovely Clareabella ...glad you got out and have lots of life left to be happy....5 weeks oooh. it'll fly by xx
  • Hi Clareabella



    I got married in October last year for the second time and can honestly say, it was the best thing i ever did. Everything from the wedding day itself to married life with my gorgeous Ainsley is nothing short of fantastic and after all the rubbish i had to endure in my first marriage I could not want for anything more than i have now.



    My first marriage ended after 3 and a half years, and trust me, as bad as it was, it wasn't because I didn't try to make it work. I was 4 years older than my then husband and although he was the one who really pushed for us to get hitched, he was too young just not ready to settle down. He still wanted to go out socialising (which he did on a daily basis rolling in at 3 am EVERY NIGHT!) and in the end, it all got too much. Our wedding day was really nothing special and we didn't have a honeymoon or anything, in fact, i didn't even get to wear a wedding dress which I later cried so much about as id always wanted the 'big fairytail dream'



    When i met my hubby (2 years later), I knew it was all going to be different. We got married a year to the date of when we got engaged and enjoyed every part of the organising and planning and the second time round, i made sure I had big white dress that I had always wanted to wear. It was perfect and we had a lovely 2 week honeymoon.



    There are 28 days left to our first anniversary and am so excited about it (it's like counting down to our wedding all over again!!) ;0)



    To those of you getting married soon I'd like to say a big congratulations and wish you all the very very best. xx



  • Hi.... Im feeling exacty the same. I too get married in 5 weeks... the 16th october and I CANT WAIT!!!!! I didnt realise how unhappy I really was until I found real happiness. I too married my first husband as we had a daughter and it was 'the right thing to do'. I also just went through the motions and cant remember feeling happy and in love on my wedding day which is really sad. We even had our daughter with us on our wedding night and argued as she wouldnt settle. We plodded on however for another 7 years and had another 2 children. I think I kept wanting babies to try and replace what wasnt there with husband. It got to the 10th anniversary of my mums passing and I thought ' I cant carry on like this' It was a rough time especially for the kids and it was them I felt for the most. I had 2 great years on my own then I met H2B. We've been together 4 years now and things keep getting better all the time. Ive loved planning our day soooooo much and I cant wait to knock his socks off image This time Im doing it my way from music to guest choices to readings. H2B is taking me to a surprise venue after the wedding and his mum is having the kids. Yipeeee xxx
  • I'm so glad others feel the same. Ainsley's wife, your first marriage sounds similar to mine, only he was nearly ten years older and still wanted to socialise, it just usually ended up with him in the cells and not coming home until the next day!



    Mrsrobinson i too did that, i had another child with my ex to try and 'fix' things, and though i obviously love my little boy to bits and couldn't imagine life without him i know it was a huge mistake to think the way i did back then!!!
  • I'm so glad you raised this because I feel the same, things couldn't be more different this time around!! My H2B is so into the wedding , he has involved himself in everything, is interested in it all and always knows exactly how many days until we get married. My stress levels this time around are much lower and I am so much more excited. I realise now how much in love I am with him!!

    [Modified by: secondtimer on September 18, 2009 02:58 PM]

  • OMG, reading your post was like reading my life lol!! Although I got married for a different reason (MIL2B was v ill and wanted to see her precious son married) the rest is just so true! I am so happy and sooooo excited (in danger of turning into Bridezilla lol!!) and loving every minute of planning our big day, but more than that i'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man I love, and knowing that he feels the same. I think everything happens for a reason - and if I hadn't met my ex I might not have had my 2 beautiful children, and if I hadn't known what it was like to be that miserable, I might not appreciate so much being this happy. besides, they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince....or in my case, one big fat toad!!!
  • Quoted:
    I have five weeks to go and am so excited, it's made me realise just what a huge mistake i made the first time round.



    My first wedding was nothing of an affair, got married purely because i wanted to have the same name as our daughter (it was important to me at the time). Looking back i can now see that i never got excited, i didn't exactly look forward to it, it was just going through the motions, with a dress that cost £10 from C&A in the sale! I never felt the love and the want to make my first husband happy like i feel now. I feel like i'm going into this knowing that, because of my previous mistake i know that this will work, I have seen where i went wrong (ok, marrying an abusive alcoholic was the give away) and this time i truly have the right person for me. can't wait to walk down the aisle!!!



    Have any other second (or even third) time round ladies felt the same about this wedding?!




    I agree with you I feel completely different about this wedding but perhaps in the opposite ways to you. I really didnt want to get married in a church last time round but the ex did and I felt pushed into it even though I am agnostic in my religeous views. I had a big white wedding and this time I really want something small and intimate.



    Dont get me wrong im not criticising anyone for doing it big but for me I want it to be about close family there are only 10 of us and we are going away abroad. I dont want the speeches I dont want the sit down dinner that I couldnt eat because my dress was too tight, I think I am trying to get as far removed from last experience as possible!



    BUT when we get back we are having a huge party with all of our friends and family. I think it is lovely how all the different people on here celebrate their day in different ways and everyone has their own reason for doing things they way they want to do it, I also find it really interesting to read everybody elses ideas on their perfect day - and maybe second time around ladies we will all get our perfect day with our perfect man.

  • I completely agree, i feel totally different. I was 21 and six months pregnant last time, I thought that I didn't have a choice. I just said yes to the first thing I saw - first reception venue, first dress, his dad worked in the place where the registry office was so he sorted the date, my aunt suggested some flowers and I agreed, someone else got a mate to take photos...so weird when i look back now. It was clearly so wrong, and I wonder why no one kinda asked me why I was so unbothered. I probably would have smiled and lied if they had though.No one is choosing a single thing for me this time around...althogh the MOH is trying to but that is a whole other string....
  • I'm absolutely convinced this man is the one i was supposed to marry all along! We keep catching each other's eye and mouthing the words "we're getting married!" and then bouncing over to each other like big kids for a cuddle. We are soooooo excited about our big day, but for me, Heff has taught me what love is supposed to feel like and so feeling this way about our wedding is just so natural.



    I can truly say that from the day I met him i have never been happier and everyone can see it in both of us.
  • I'm absolutely convinced this man is the one i was supposed to marry all along! We keep catching each other's eye and mouthing the words "we're getting married!" and then bouncing over to each other like big kids for a cuddle. We are soooooo excited about our big day, but for me, Heff has taught me what love is supposed to feel like and so feeling this way about our wedding is just so natural.



    I can truly say that from the day I met him i have never been happier and everyone can see it in both of us.
  • Reading all these stories are like reading about my own life now and my first disasterous marriage!



    I too have learned from my mistakes in my "previous life" and I think that really helps me appreciate what I have in my new hubby! He too has been married before and feels exactly the same ... I am living the Disney fairy story.. Happy Ever Afer!! imageimage
  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582
    I felt just as in love and happy the first time - but sadly my husband didn't feel the same and spent the next 25 years showing it.



    I am so lucky to be geting another chance to love someone to pieces who, this time, loves me back! Yay!
  • i married the first time because i was pregnant with my daughter. i wasnt in love with my ex husband, and my family took over the planning of the wedding, i married to please everyone else and was unhappy for 13 years.

    this time its so different, my Oh and i are are getting married october 2013 and im unbelievably excited its a good feeling.

    good luck to you all xx
  • this totally sounds like me!
  • BeauvallonBeauvallon Posts: 217
    I felt exactly the same, we got married for the second time in May 2010 after 16 years together and lots of saying we wouldn't get married. I showed my wedding photos to someone the other day and their first comment was- you both look so happy- and we were (and still are!) We both spent the whole day smiling and it shows on the photographs. First time around I was young and foolish (17 and not pregnant!) this time around I was 50, the song I walked down the aisle to summed it up - the look of love by Dusty Springfield.
  • Mrs ShepMrs Shep Posts: 229
    I had the same horrendous experience with my first marriage.



    My ex rang me to tell he had booked the registry office for 11 weeks time as he did not like that we did not have the same surname and we had had a baby 7 weeks before. It was all a rush and i wasn't excited about it at all. I knew it was wrong and i cried on my wedding day as i knew i wasn't doing it for the right reasons.



    This time my h2b has insisted i have what i want. His only condition was that it was 2014 so we could do it debt free (have money coming to us early 2014) which although feels an age away i know is so sensible. I cannot wait for this wedding. My h2b is brilliant. He has taken on my children as his own as ex doesn't bother at all. He is my other half in every sense.



    I cannot wait to be his wife!! Good luck to all others in this post. Many of you will be long wed by the time i am. He is worth the wait though. image



    As
  • Kylieb86Kylieb86 Posts: 66
    ;)
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