Anyone having a bigger wedding second time round??

Just wondered if any of you girls were having a bigger second (or third!) wedding than your first?

My first wedding was a very small and cheap affair, register office and reception in a marquee at my parents house, my dress only cost £20 in the sale and no honeymoon (we were only 21 and had a 9 month old but to be honest it was more because neither of us really wanted to get married deep down)

This time I'm having a big budget wedding, proper wedding dress, big reception, the works. Most people haven't even commented on it but for some reason my mother has decided there is something wrong with me wanting a "proper" wedding and has been very reluctant to get involved at all :\( in fact, when I told her the budget she said "HOW MUCH?" and I had to practically force her to look at my dress!! I'm only 29 and it's h2b's first marriage so I didn't see any reason why I shouldn't have my dream wedding!

Anyone else doing the same, or have had similar reactions from family members or friends?



  • Just wondered if any of you girls were having a bigger second (or third!) wedding than your first?

    My first wedding was a very small and cheap affair, register office and reception in a marquee at my parents house, my dress only cost £20 in the sale and no honeymoon (we were only 21 and had a 9 month old but to be honest it was more because neither of us really wanted to get married deep down)

    This time I'm having a big budget wedding, proper wedding dress, big reception, the works. Most people haven't even commented on it but for some reason my mother has decided there is something wrong with me wanting a "proper" wedding and has been very reluctant to get involved at all :\( in fact, when I told her the budget she said "HOW MUCH?" and I had to practically force her to look at my dress!! I'm only 29 and it's h2b's first marriage so I didn't see any reason why I shouldn't have my dream wedding!

    Anyone else doing the same, or have had similar reactions from family members or friends?

  • Yes I'm doing the same too. First wedding was in Jamaica with immediate family, 11 years ago. It was nice, but we didn't have a wedding reception on return to UK (regret that).

    I'm getting married next October, and my H2B also had a small wedding first time round, so we want to go for BIG wedding and reception this time round. My parents are very happy for us because we're happy. Although they haven't shown any interest in getting involved, yet.

    I am having a double wedding with my twin sister and her H2B. Tonight we're taking our parents for a meal at the venue we have chose. See what happens!!

    My mum has shown an interest in our wedding dresses and is coming with us to help my sister choose her dress (but my sister had to approach her).

    I don't see why your mum is showing reluctance. Maybe try asking her? She maybe feeling that you're not involving her? We can't expect people to show an interest. It might be easier asking her opinion on colour schemes, cakes, etc, then she may surprise you.

    Whatever happens, it is your day and this time round you will want it to be a day to remember. I most definitely am! If that means having a bigger budget, then why not? I am the happiest lady in the world to have found my H2B, and we want to share that with others by doing it our way xx
  • I will be 55 when I get married next year and my mum has asked if she can buy my dress and the bridesmaids (my 2daughters and 2 grandaughters).

    She is also paying for the cake.

    But the day will be better than mine or h2bs first weddings. I got married at 11am and we had a buffet in a working mans club, and were on our way to a flat in Torquay for our honeymoon by 3pm. This time we are having a sit down meal for 50 family and close friends, an evening for around 100 and a Med cruise for honeymoon. Def better than the first time!! Oh and my first dress was made - cost £9 for material and £6 to have it made!! (1977)

    [Modified by: bladette on November 14, 2009 07:03 PM]

  • Hi girls glad to see I'm not on my own!!

    Mrschard2b I've really tried to get her interested, I live abroad and obviously wanted to keep her as much in the loop as possible but she just shows such complete disinterest its so upsetting! When I told her I'd bought my dress she said I shouldn't have done because I might change weight!! I've been a size 8 for about the last 5 years!! I asked her to bring me some wedding mags from the uk when she came to visit a few weeks ago (she comes over about 6 times a year so it's not as if I don't see her) and she just moaned about them making extra weight in her case!! MIL2B has been amazing, bringing me mags, wanting to see my dress as soon as I got it, always asking how the planning is going etc. I can only imagine that as its my 2nd wedding my mum thinks she's done her MOB job first time and now she's happy to sit back and be a guest.

    anyway that was far too long a rant, sorry!!! A joint wedding sounds lovely, hope the meal goes well! What's the venue like? Is it your twin's second wedding too or her first? How exciting to be doing it together! I'm sure your parents will show more of an interest as I'm hoping mine will, we'll just have to force it on them!! lol xx

    bladette, good on you having a big wedding for your 2nd time, I know the older you get the more it seems to be frowned upon, as if it's not as important a commitment once you get past a certain age! Lovely of your mum to contribute to the dresses as well, I'm sure she'll be so proud to not only watch her daughter but also her grand and great grandaughters on the day! xx
  • It's nice to hear that MIL2B is so enthusiastic and keen to be involved That's great! It's a shame your mum is behaving that way, she might change nearer to your wedding date, but there's no point in questioning yourself over it. It is her problem/decision to behave this way, and you can't take responsibility for her. I agree we'll force it upon them!!

    My FIL2B isn't interested in our wedding either, and won't be attending. In an ideal world we would want him to be happy for us and attend, but we know he won't and accept that.

    Yes my twin sister is 2nd time around too. We're all very close, so it only seemed appropriate that we share the same day. We're definitely not wearing matching dresses!

    The meal went well last night, although my parents didn't ask questions about the wedding at all, but we did tell them about our plans and they did listen. Well we are forcing it upon them, and it's up to them now on how much involvement they want.

    The venue was nice, the food was outstanding and so was the service. The only niggle we have is the exterior isn't great. We have looked at lots of venues and this one (Brandon Hall) is ticking more of the boxes for us. We're so determined to have our day exactly how we want it. We're all so excited, I think this is because the four of us are so close. When are you getting married? Are you getting married in this country or where you live? I'm so interested to hear your plans xx
  • So glad the meal went well, what was bothering you about the outside? Am just about to google it so I'll let you know what I think if you like?

    I just love the idea of a double wedding, especially with your twin! Who's idea was it or did you come to it together? It's great that you're so close. and it must be so much fun organising together, no BM, MOH or even MOB is ever as interested as the bride in her own wedding but as there's two of you you can totally immerse yourselves in planning!!

    Maybe thats why your parents aren't involving themselves as much? They might think you have it all in hand, or possibly might be feeling overwhelmed?

    Yes thank god for MIL2B, I'm really hoping my mum begins to take more of an interest, but tbh she has really upset me up to this point and I actually can't be bothered to speak to her about it any more. As I've got MIL2B to chat with I'll take advantage of that.

    We're getting married here in Spain, it seemed the easiest thing to do as I wasn't sure I could plan a wedding from another country! Also the weather here is much better (23 degrees today!) and most of our friends are here. We're having the ceremony and reception in a hotel (still looking at options as some of them are very expensive) I'm getting the cake made by choccywoccydodah and brought over (hopefully, we're still discussing the logistics!!) The good thing about living in a holiday resort is that we know loads of DJ's and one of our friend's band is playing as well. As I've said my dress is a proper wedding dress, an Ellis Bridal 11034 in ivory, I'm seriously going all out as it feels like my first wedding in a way!!

    What about you? Tell me more about your day!! :\) xxx
  • The outside of the main hotel is nice. The function suite (Woodlands suite) looks like it belongs on a football ground. Inside it's lovely though. The staff at the hotel seem to bend over backwards, and the food is good. The function suite has it's own bar, toilets and lounge area, so all self contained.

    My parents are never keen to get involved in anything really. They do keep themselves to themselves, and don't like to give any input. You're right! having my sister to share the planning and excitement is fab. Joint wedding was an idea we both thought of and all four of us have spent a long time discussing it over before we made a decision. We all like similar things and enjoy the same things too. We're both having an Ian Stuart dress although my sister has had a major dress wobble, so we're going back to Oxford in a fortnight for her to try on more dresses. I'll try and upload a photo of mine.

    I've googled yours and it's stunning, especially will look good on a size 8 frame. It looks like its silk dupion, which I love. How great to get married in Spain, you lucky lady!!

    I've heard of choccywoccydodah, I'll have to google that too. I'm hoping to have a cake the same as my profile pic, as it's my favourite so far. We're having a band too, along with disco.

    Going to have entertainers for the drinks reception and start of wedding breakfast. We found a great magician called Ben Hanlin. We're adamant we want all guests to have a fun time and have decided to not invite children (apart from our own), as we're worried that guests will leave early to get children in bed. We'd much prefer our friends to be relaxed and stop over at the hotel.

    We really want the ceremony to be romantic as much as possible. Going to personalised our vows, have lots of flowers and candles, etc.

    But we do want it to be different too (not sure how yet).

    We too want to seriously go all out on our wedding, and ensure it's a day to remember. My sister and I are enjoying the research.

    When are you getting married? Good luck in finding the right venue.

    We've got 321 days to go!!! xx

  • I've just been on choccywoccydoodah website, the cakes look amazing, in fact works of art! What's yours like?
  • I've had a look at Brandon Hall, it looks really nice, very modern on the outside I don't think it looks like it belongs at a footy stadium at all!! It's just very modern compared to some older country houses etc, are there nice grounds to have the pics done?

    With regards to parents I suppose we just assume that as they brought us up they'd be interested and want involvement in every bit of our lives, and they do have their own lives to lead too, I'm sure closer to the time my mum will want to be clued in, as I'm sure your parents will!

    Ian Stuart dresses are lush, what one have you chosen? I had a bit of a wobble a few weeks ago, think its normal and I hope your sis gets over hers image

    Your wedding sounds quite similar to ours, I don't want it to be really formal cos thats not how we are as people just want a big party with nice food, drink and entertainment that keeps people dancing all night!

    Your cake looks sooooo nice, really yummy!! Where is it from?

    The cake I'm hopefully getting is in the bespoke wedding cake section, called petite roccoco tiers, everyone loves chocolate don't they! We're gonna serve it as dessert as well.

    I know what you mean about children, there will be a few babies at ours but they sleep in buggies anyway, and then there will be my 8 year old (who'll be 9 by then) and my MOH's 5 year old who will be 6 so they'll stay up anyway!

    Ceremony sounds wonderful, very romantic with the candles, I'd love us to write our own vows but don't think I'd be able to!! We're getting married in october next year image xxx
  • The main hotel (white building) is nice. The Woodlands suite is a separate building, which is what we'll use (this is the one that looks more suited to a football ground). The staff said we can cover up the blue sign on the front of it.

    The grounds at the hotel are great for photos, I think we're just being a bit too picky!

    The cake is from Waitrose, and we can dress it ourselves with fruit and dust with icing sugar as in the picture.

    Yes of course everyone loves chocolate, I love all chocolate, milk, white and dark, just can't get enough! (it's all the running I have to do afterwards to make up for the pleasure that is the problem).

    We're going to serve our wedding cake with the evening buffet. We're having bacon rolls for evening buffet. Vegi sausages for the vegetarians.

    I get so excited about our wedding when I talk about it! We're getting married on 2nd October next year.

    Why can't you write your own vows? You can get ideas of the Internet for inspiration, and then write down what's personal to you.

    I'm going to send you pic of my dress, as it isn't in IS collection so can't be googled.

    :\) xx
  • I'm having more people, but probably aboutthe same budget... 4K (I hope lol)

    I had 45 specified by my mum family (you must invite them it's the rules) and a handful of friends last time for a stuffy sit down meal I didn't like and which I had to miss half of to breast feed my son. Then all my guests joined the wedding dance next door, on the invite of the bride and groom there............ they had a ball and asked me to come, but my groom wouldn't go and said I shouldn;t be the 2nd bride at a wedding and I was left alone with the littleun as the groom collapsed in a drunken stupour.

    I knew it was a mistake. I cried the whole day, even on the way to the ceremony, but sometimes you "do the done thing".... hey ho, all gone now!!!

    This time I'm having upwards of 70 friends I haven't even thought of the number of family yet but it's alot less, for a funfilled relaxed day. My details are not sorted yet, but it's my opinion and that of my groom and our children that are holding sway this time.

    I understand to a certain degree, the "I pay I get to decide" mentality of some parents, mine had that last time as they paid for the reception £2.5k of the £4k. But it's far from ideal!

    This time it's so much more fun!
  • mrschard2b have you sent me a piccy of your dress?? Reception sounds fantastic, bacon butties yum!! We're having a late afternoon wedding so only going to have the wedding breakfast as an evening meal. What a good idea with the cake, if only the same sort of thing could be done over here but Spanish wedding cakes are nothing like the ones we have in the UK!! Whats your colour scheme as it's an autumn wedding? xxx

    2ndllucy congrats to you! I know exactly what you mean about parents dictating if they're paying, as I've said mine aren't taking much of an interest so i'm ok at the moment but if they start "suggesting" guests i will not be happy!! Glad you're looking forward to this one and know it's going to be what you want!

    Are you wearing a proper wedding dress? x

  • This is my second time around and its definately bigger than my first...I got married in Grenada on the beach - first time round with just my ex. We didnt want any fuss...This time is different...its much bigger and the budget is bigger. Soooo excited. They do say second time round is so much better... ;0)
  • mrschard2b thats gorgeous!! awww you're going to look stunning on your wedding day!!

    suedavidson you're right I think, we know what to expect this time don't we! Tell us a bit more about your wedding? x

  • This one is with my sister, when I first tried it on. She's still not decided yet on which dress to have. We're going back to Oxford next weekend for her to try on more dresses.

    Mine looks very yellow with the flash of the camera. I couldn't take it off when I tried it on. I couldn't even sleep the night after, as I was so over the moon I had found the one, I didn't even know how much it was until the following day. I didn't care as I knew I had to have it! Not sure yet on colour scheme, as it depends on what dress my chooses. I'm thinking of having my bridesmaid in 'off'/antique white, to match with the tulle on my dress.

    I think you're cake from choccywoccydoodah is amazing, I'm now re thinking cakes!!

    We've booked the venue today, yep, went for Brandon Hall, and never guess what .... the tacky blue sign on front of Woodlands suite has been removed. Couldn't believe it, dreams do come true.

    I think getting married later in the day is nice, as you can relax on the morning and take your time. We wanted later too, but the registrars latest time was 2pm.

    Now the venue's booked, I'm now all excited and thinking of our to decorate the tables and the rooms etc. Oh I'm so so so excited, it's all becoming more real xximage

  • MrsC2b...we certainly do. And we still arent put off hahaha

    I get married next year on June 26th. The venue has been booked and so has the registrar. Think im getting sorted although feel its such a long way off why do I need to get things done now. But you do!!! Cant believe how things get so booked up already.

    My dresses are being made as my mum is a designer which is handy. I wont have my dress made until next April probably as i need to loose weight. Been with partner for 5yrs and seem to be very contented so much so I've gone up two dress sizes...and I need to do something.

    Anyway its great isnt it all this arranging and the groom hardly does a thing! lol
  • MrsC2B... I was wearing a proper wedding dress.... with full train etc, I loved it, it was ivory pronovias.

    But then I tried it on for my best friend aka my H2B and as he said... I look lovely but it doesn't do me any favours. The dress itself is gorgeous. It's just not me. So I'll be ebaying it lol!

    I used to be nearly 20stone and a size 28, I'm now a 14 heading towards a 12. My H2B thinks I should wear something to show people I'm no longer the fat one. The pronovias makes me look as wide as I am tall in a way, albeit with a small waist.

    We're looking at something more figure hugging. Personally I LOVE Maggie Sottero's AD8503 (such a glamourous name lol!)

    Suedavidson, my H2B is more into wedding stuff than me!!! SOmetimes I do wonderimage not really lololol!!
  • di64di64 Posts: 237
    hi MRS C2B we are having a bigger wedding than we have both had before, mainly because it feels so right. we have issues mainly with my side of the family, a sister whos already been to mine, so not bothered about comming. another one who will only attend if certain guests are not invited. familys so much fun!
  • Hi Ladies, I am MrsChardtobe twin sister.

    Our parents are not jumping for joy and have not taken much of an interest as they did with our first weddings.

    I think they are frightened in case we expect them to contribute towards our wedding. Of course we would love it if they did pay for something, it would take the pressure of us financially however their reluctance is quite obvious without anyone even mentioning the words - money, budget, contribution.

    Anyway, what I am trying to say to you second time round brides who's mothers are being awkward is: please tell them they are not paying for anything so they don't need to worry about having to contribute towards your wedding. Hopefully once they feel they are in the clear (so to speak) they may then take more of an active role in your wedding planning.

    The fear of having to pay towards our wedding is written all over our parents faces. It's quite funny to see my father squirm whenever we mention the word - wedding, ha ha!
  • My mother just wants to know how I can be sure this one will work when the other one didn't!?

    No pressure then!!
  • Hey we all learn from our mistakes. I certainly haven't gone into my second marriage without thinking long and hard about it. When I first got married I didn't have children, I was young, I was naive and I hadn't been with my former husband for very long.

    Whereas now I have got children from my first marriage; my sons will always come first and I make all my decisions with them at the forefront of my mind. I have ensured I have thought about every single possibility and eventuality going into a second marriage and I know 100% I can trust my H2B, my children adore H2B, we have lived together for 4 years and each day we love each other more and more.

    Whereas with my first marriage I never loved him more and more each day (quite the opposite), it was more of a case - "Yeah you'll do" without any consideration for my own needs and wants out of life and then eventually he cleared off with another woman.

    "Once bitten twice shy", this is a phrase we can all appreciate and adhere to after going through a divorce. I would never want to get divorced ever again. I have realised the mistakes I made in my first marriage and I have learnt from them which is why my relationship with H2B is so secure, stable, loving and 100% right.

    I regard my first marriage as the Starter Marriage. I'm now ready for the Main Marriage. This time it will be forever.....
  • Here here!!
  • A11y50nA11y50n Posts: 498
    Hi ladies

    I'm getting married for the second time in October 2010 but this time I'm getting married in South Africa as my h2b is South African and, due to ill health, his Mom and Gran can't fly to the UK. It is sooo much more exciting second time around. I had a largish werdding the first time round which was all paid for by my parents so they made all the decisions. Although I had a nice day, it was there style rather than mine. This time I am paying so am having what I want. We don't expect to get more than 40 guests because of the distance but I am hoping it will be a fun and exciting day for everyone as it's on a private game farm up the coast from Cape Town. We are even going to have our wedding photos on elephant back!!

    Even though I'm now in my late 40's I'm going to have an ivory dress - it's a Jenny Packham dress (all sparkly and floaty) and, in fact, was one my Mum absolutely insisted I tried on depsite me protesting it wouldn't suit me - oh well, I guess Mum's do know best occasionally.

    I think it is more special second time around as you know painful it is marrying the wrong man. I know I'm never getting divorced again - my h2b and I have lived together now for 10 years and are as happy now as the day we met - this is just the icing on the cake. I agree wit you TwiceasNice my first wedding was my Starter wedding - just preparation for the real thing!!

  • Hi girls glad to see there are lots of us having a big second wedding!! I think that we have more experience this time around and I know this time I'm doing it for the right reasons and not because it's expected of me or because I'm trying to save a relationship. I'm so excited planning this wedding and I want it all to be perfect whereas before I wasn't that bothered. xx
  • Me too!! I am very excited. I want everyone to enjoy celebrating this wedding because I am very happy and very proud.

    I am concentrating on the most important aspects of the day. The ceremony shall be personal, our own vows, romantic and special. The evening we want a brilliant party to celebrate so we have hired a great band and DJ.

    I have booked a fantastic photography team and a team of videographers too. I want to capture this momentous day. I have researched every tiny detail so I know I have made 110% effort in all areas of our wedding.

    I have chose the Calypso dress by Ian Stuart (wow factor!) which is even more amazing in real life. I just need to undertake a healthy regime so my skin is glowing and I look radiant on the day. I have been looking into make up by Mac and Bare Minerals. Hopefully they can work their magic on my tired skin and create a nice flawless effect.

    In the New Year I will start pilates, jogging, drinking lots of water etc. I don't need to lose any weight but I would like to be more toned up.

    Gosh, I could go on and on and on talking about our wedding plans ....

  • Twice as Nice your dress is absolutely stunning!!! When is your wedding?? x
  • A11y50nA11y50n Posts: 498
    I know what you mean TwiceAsNice - I could too. I've also started exercising as, unlike you, I DO need to lose some weight. The wedding has been great for this - I've dropped two dress sizes already so only have 1 more to go (although it'll probably be back up to 2 after Xmas!!), I've been looking at Laura Mercier makeup as they specialise in make up for older women so the colours are really soft and natural and the foundation gives fantastic coverage without clogging or drying the skin. They also do mineral makeup and, like you, I really like Mac. Laura Mercier also do fantastic skincare products too so I'm hoping to be glowing by the big day.

    This site is scary as it counts down the number of days...... I'm panicking now and I still have 10 months to go!!
  • BLK bride do you think Laura Mercier is very good then? I want my skin to look almost "airbrushed" if you know what I mean and all the foundations I've tried are too heavy. I've never tried mineral make up though so may buy some and see what it's like.

    I eat healthily anyway and try to look after my skin but my hair is very fine and although I'm growing it I'd like to get extensions for the wedding so it's thick and full. Anyone else thinking of this?

    The countdown is quite scary BLK bride, i seem to have lost months in no time at all!! x
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