Forum home Archived Second Time Around

second wifes club

hi this post is for b2b whos h2bs have been married before

here we can have a moan about anything we feel we cant discuss with them and air our feelings about his ex or family

or just to chat with other b2b's in the same boat



My h2b was married to his ex for 10 years, we have been together for nearly 5 years,

his mum still has family photos up with his ex on displayed on her living room wall and this makes me feel angry, i also feel that she isn;t interested in our wedding , but i keep telling myself not to let it bother me as my own parents are all that i need for help and support



and finally good luck to everyone

xx

[Modified by: cazzie36 on 11 January 2010 18:42:36 ]

Posts

  • cazzie36cazzie36 Posts: 1,433
    there must be some one else

    xx
  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,506
    Earl and I are each other's second spouses. His first wife is a lady I've only met once. She seemed a nice enough woman and I quite liked her.



    I was also my first husband's 2nd wife. His first wife was also a nice lady.



    Both mothers-in-law are lovely! Well, my first mother-in-law died just over 3 years ago but she was a very nice person.



    I've never been treated like I didn't count or like I'm found wanting compared to the wife before me.



    QUOTE:



    "his mum still has family photos up with his ex on"



    Do you mean she has these photos DISPLAYED in her house? Keeping these pictures in an envelope in the drawer or even in an album is different .... But framed photos for public viewing in her living room, depicting the ex is a bit "off", I reckon! Especially if there is more than one of them on show!



    Does he have children with his former wife?



    Bamba xx



    [Modified by: Bambagirl on January 11, 2010 06:43 PM]

  • cazzie36cazzie36 Posts: 1,433
    yes bamba these photos are on the wall in her living room

    he has 2 boys with his ex they are 7 and 11 now and he sees them every weekend and 2 nights throu the week, she rings him constantly asking him stuff even when the boys are misbehaving for her she rings and asks him to tell them off

    all abit O.T.T after being seperted for over 5 years, and she was the one that left him x
  • daisylozdaisyloz Posts: 3,109
    We've both been married before and had to go to ex's home last Fri for son's 21st birthday party....she looks like a slapper and had a right face on with us...even tho she's now seeing her daughter's ex fella ???? crazy stuff...we didnt stay long lol x
  • daisylozdaisyloz Posts: 3,109
    Ps I think its out of order that your mil2b has the ex's pics up Cassie ...not right at all x
  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,506
    I was the one who decided to divorce my ex-husband. I had plenty of good reasons for this and I didn't have another fella waiting in the wings - didn't bother with having a man in my life for a good 2 or 3 years after we'd split up.



    He got another woman and after a while he split up from her, then he met the one he married (his 3rd wife). This was just over 10 years ago - moreover it was 10 years after we'd split up.



    He married her, and they had a honeymoon somewhere. Never had a honeymoon when he married ME! There were other holidays and treats and quality time spent with her. They bought a home (we always rented) and apparently you can get a mortgage in your early 50's (as they both were at that time) without a job if you're both on the higher rate of Incapacity Benefit. Any absentee father in receipt of a health-related benefit is NOT liable for Child Support! So my kids never got anything from their father but he could buy a house with his new wife! Don't get me wrong, he didn't become a nice person overnight and was still "lacking in basic decency and consideration" for other people in general but I was rather pissed off at him, I'll admit that. I had a couple of run-ins with the 2 of them over fairly trivial stuff.



    He suddenly remembered he had children and wanted to see them which I wasn't objecting to. Except he'd not bothered with them for 10 years! Spun wife No.3 a line about not getting to see much of his kids because their mother (me) had kept them away from him! His silly wife believed him too.



    Generally, unless she's a pure bitch, an ex-wife has reasons for giving her ex-husband a hard time when he's onto the next wife. A man who's always been an arsehole in the past, will suddenly become "Husband of the Year" to impress his new wife, tell a few lies about his ex wife & children etc, etc.... It's no wonder the ex-wife is a bit disgruntled.



    One thing I always said was that it's much easier to be happily married - and stay that way - when there are no children in the house. (and now I'm married to Earl and my 4 kids are grown up with lives of their own & their own homes, I know the truth of this statement). Of course, you may be quite young and planning a family of your own with him at some point? This is another issue with ex-wives. She may be scared that the children you & he have together become more important to him and supplant HER children.



    I'm sure your man is a good man, but was he always like this? Is his ex-wife watching him give the Gold Star treatment to the new lady in his life(you!), treatment that she knows she & his kids never had during his time married to her. If he's suddenly flashing around money, affection, thoughtfulness and time when he never did before it can be VERY galling for the ex-wife to see. If it was her decision to split (rather than his) then she must've had a reason. Unless of course there was another bloke involved.



    Sorry, I know I've played Devil's Advocate there but no offence was intended towards you or your partner.



    As for the mother-in-law, I wouldn't be surprised if she gave the ex an equally hard time when she was on the scene!



    Bamba xx

    [Modified by: Bambagirl on January 11, 2010 07:17 PM]

  • HI Cazzie. Maybe your H2b's mum will put a pic of you both up when you are married and then realise that it is now inappropriate to have the old one up.



    But some people don't like to let go of the past and move on...especially if she is still close with the ex.



    It is so difficult - my ex husbands family (especially his mum) runs me down to my children, my youngest has real problems with this as he doesn't want to upset either side of his family and he shouldn't be made to take sides.



    I have been divorced for 7 years now...



    Bamba - I understand what you are saying. I have never been happier since I met my h2b but I do think he treats me better than his ex wife. This is because he has learnt from his mistakes. Thankfully his ex is not on the scene and they didn't have any children together so it is an easier break. I feel lucky that we have met each other.



    We should all focus on how wonderful our h2b's are and that WE are the ones they want. That is why ex's have issues.



    Keep smiling girls.
  • cazzie36cazzie36 Posts: 1,433
    no jasmine she wasnt close to his ex, as far as i can see no-one in his family was,the only reason i can see for the pics still being up is cose she cant be bothered to put them away as she is a bit of a horder and still has pics of H2b his brother ans sister as children on display , her living room is proper rogues gallery lol x
  • I think you'll just have to not worry about it then! It sounds more like clutter than any intended slight towards you. My fiance's mum couldn't have been nicer to me from day one, but was in such a tiswas trying to do the right thing that she kept calling me by his first wife's name! Maybe his mum is not sure what to do, or hasn't even looked at that picture for years, or doesn't want to upset your h2b's children or... You get the picture. I always think it's a bit rubbish being the second wife to be as there are more complications than if you were both childhood sweethearts, but I expect other people screw things up in their own ways, so what can you do?

  • MrsbibbsMrsbibbs Posts: 4
    i am not a second wife yet, but his first wife is a bitch to their kids and it really winds me up, my oldest step daughter ( both girls lived with us) recently had a son and her mum was whinging about how she never sees them,( she chose to move 120 miles away when h2b and her split up) i have never once tried to be her mum only a friend and the first 7 years were hell but then she grew up and things changed and for the first time ever she bought me a mother day present and card this year, it makes it worth it.



    I am lucky in a way that i dont have a mother in law, but i do have his ex wifes aka h2b's ex mother in law in the scene and she has tons of pics of them both up which really does wind me up but she is one of the most opinionated persons around i know and i tend not to have anything to do with her, as i refuse to feel belittled in her presence...



    Sorry if this is the wrong board but having read some of the posts i do know where a lot of people are coming from



    Mrs B x
  • hellstaylorhellstaylor Posts: 269
    Room for a little one? image



    My H2B had a prectice marriage that lasted 5 years (together a total of 13) and they have 2 boys together, we've been together 5 years and get married next year. I'm really lucky because his ex wife is a complete bitch so his family have welcomed me with open arms, his dad hugs me everytime he see's me, something H2B says he has never done with anyone but his sister image.

Sign In or Register to comment.