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2nd wives

any other 2nd wives out there?

I'm marrying my fianc???? in September - it'll be my 1st (and only) marriage and his 2nd (and last!!!)

How much do you consider the 1st wedding when preparing for your own?

Any worries about how his family view you as wife number 2?

I have some concerns but don't know if it's a common thing it just me?!?!


  • I am my h2bs second marriage. His first marriage lasted a matter of months. He has let me have the day I want, which is a traditional large wedding. He has always been honest with me about his first wedding and marriage but I am not her and therefore it will be different. I've seen the photos and it was nothing like what I wanted. The only times he has mentioned it is when I go along the lines of something they had eg favours and he thought I might like to change my mind, which I have. I suppose I mention it more but its more of out of curiousity, like did she have a hen night? What did she do, was your mum invited?

    His family love me far more than they ever loved her (they didn't get on with her before they got married) whereas his dad sees me like the daughter he never had. So no I don't worry about it in the slightest.

    As I said it is you he is marrying and not his first wife. You are your own person and you will be different in many ways so don't worry about it and have the day that you want.
  • I'm starting to realise that - yesterday we went and looked at suits and I'd been adamant that I didn't want tails as he wore full morning suit to his 1st wedding but after he'd tried on the one we were planning to go for I asked him to try on a grey tailcoat to compare and went misty eyed - it just looked so appropriate, and as we've been able to arrange a church wedding it felt right!!!

    I guess I'm concerned as h2b was married to wife 1 for 7years and although she wanted a divorce 3years prior they didn't actually formally separate til he met me in 2009.

    I know I wasn't the cause of their split, but I was the catalyst for them to finally end it ( that and she'd met someone too)

    The 1st time I met his parents was 3months in to our relationship - the day I also met his children for the 1st time and was the day after we'd got engaged. It was so hard for them at first as they had to not only come to terms with their youngest son's marriage ending, but a new woman on the scene instantly.

    They have, however been wonderful to me.

    There's only one person who seems to have had an issue with us. Hopefully things will be better next time I see him.

    I just want everyone to be genuinely happy for us come the big day!!!!
  • I'm in a similar position, the difference being that my H2B wasn't divorced - he was widowed at 31 after just 15 months of marriage. It's taken him a while to get to a point where he is ready to go through with a wedding again - the issue isn't being married, but rather just getting through the ceremony and the day when he has a memory of having having done each step before.

    We've deliberately tried to create a very differnt day to what he had last time. It's going to be a lot bigger, which also means he can invite a lot of extended family who missed out on the first wedding. Whereas they were in a hotel, we're having an outdoor ceremony and a barn/hogroast reception. Apart from that, it's just a question of not duplicating details such as the colour of the dress, nature of the favours, choice of music, etc. And we're generally trying to make it as relaxed and informal as possible to minimise the pressure.

    That said, it hasn't all been about pussyfooting around his feelings - he's been very sensitive about giving me have the things that I want and bearing in mind that for me it's all new. Pretty much his only demand has been a tiered pork pie cake along with the normal one!
  • I feel like everyone is comparing ! She is not well thought of but people think they are reassuring me I think by asking about her then saying something negative about her ! But sometimes I think I will never be THE Mrs XXX as there is one already she has kept the name and lives nearby ! We have children from our previous marriages and I will never be the mother of his children so worry that I will always be less. That said it sounds worse than it really is as I don't dwell on it every hour of every day lol. He wanted the full on wedding and I think maybe for this very reason. I was reluctant at first and thought it was a waste of money but now I can see it is neccessary to make it a very public declaration and would hate it any other way. This is where we are in life I wish I had met my wonderful man a lifetime a go but I didn't so I will just have to suck that up and seize the day image
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