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third wedding anyone????

I am in the process of arranging my wedding at the minute, and this is third time round for me!

first marriage, was too young and didnt last

second marriage I married someone who turned out to be mad as a box of frogs

...can anyone see the problem I am having yet? I feel I need to justify my wedding, im worried that people are not going to take it seriously. My other half wants the big white wedding in a church, top hat and tails etc ( i think i have a bit of a groomzilla tbh!) this is his first wedding and wants to go the whole hog...me I want to marry him, i love him so much and in my heart of hearts I want the "big day" as well but I just feel that its inappropraite with wedding number three!!

Help!!!!!!
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  • My dad is on wedding number 4...he went all out for his and it was a great day.

    There was no feeling of it being anything different from a normal wedding.

    The only thing is, I made the mistake of when we announced our engagement apparently I said 3 times to my dad. Well you only get married once!...My husband was giving me a few kicks under the table and I had no idea why! image



    You have made mistakes in the past, have the day you and h2b want and be happy!
  • SteampunkbrideSteampunkbride Posts: 1,748
    Ditto, it's horrible having to explain why the previous ones have failed, like you, first was too young, second was a cheat and a coke head, third..? Well, third time lucky they say and I hope so as he is the father of my little one. But it was horrible when a friend of mine was planning her wedding a few years ago and turned to me and said "unlike you, I'm only planning on doing this once." Fume! image I didn't grow up expecting to have a lot of weddings and this one is bigger than the previous ones combined (bigger guest list, bigger budget etc).

    But my family are behind this one, there's been no rolling of eyes of tutting just excitement. But I know what you mean about having to justify it, "but this IS the one this time..."image I just feel lucky enough that someone still wnats to take a chance and marry me. image
  • NowMrsMackNowMrsMack Posts: 2,535
    I don't think it makes any difference how many times you've been married before! You still deserve to have a lovely day! So go all out I say! It's obviously important to your H2B as well so I dont think you should only go halves on it!!!!
  • hi, yes I know what you mean. This is going to be my 3rd time too. I married at 18, too young then again at 23 didnt last then was with someone for 20 years and he had an affair with my best friend. Luckily for me we werent married. So now I feel this is third time lucky for me. My H2B is lovely and I love him so much and like you,I just know its right. Although I too feel that I;m not being taken seriously by my family. But hey ho.....I;m happy and those that matter to me are too. Im just at the early stages of planning the wedding, just a small one but it will mean just as much. If its meant to be...it will be xx
  • bellingtonbellington Posts: 1,662
    Its our 3rd time, but our twist in the tail, is its going to be the second time to each other!!! Very long story. image
  • SteampunkbrideSteampunkbride Posts: 1,748
    An interesting story though, bellington. Care to share...? Congratulations to you both, are you having some of the same things as last time, first dance etc, or making it a whole new day?

    Excuse my nosiness and dumb questions...image
  • bellingtonbellington Posts: 1,662
    Steampunkbride, if you look on page 2, in this section, 2nd time to the same man , there is some about it there. I wouldnt be without him now.



    This wedding is going to be tiny, just family, and close friends, and our two youngest daughters as bridesmaids, and there 18 and 19 yrs old. Most probably a regiester office, i keep changing my mind. Just want to get every thing together, then we will decide.



    My first wedding was way back in 1980, i was 17, he was a year older, in a church, white dress, etc, we thought we knew every thing, we bought our own house, and it lasted 14 months, we were so wrong, and both fiery together, so we called it aday.



    This time to my h2b will be it. image
  • What has it got to do with anyone how many times you have been married.



    I am sure you did not think or decide that you were going to get married more than once.



    'To try and beat Liz Taylors record'



    I believe that you do not know a person until you live with them thats when the rose tinted glasses come off.



    Enjoy your day as if it is the First time around, ignore any remarks if they are made.
  • I actually love this, my mum is planning her 3rd & I am really xcited for her (she has promised not steal my thunder).

    My grans & papa r pulling faces & my much younger brothers from her 2nd marriage r making jokes. I dont get it, we're a long time dead, grab happiness with both hands and scream it from the roof tops, u want to have a huge day go for it! x
  • WasABride2011WasABride2011 Posts: 263
    I just got married for the 3rd time on 24th April and it was the best wedding yet lol I was so much more relaxed this time and knew exactly what I wanted. I have to say my dress was the niecest of them all lol x My husband hasn't been married before but he doesn't care that I have. he says 3rd time lucky this time, and I'm so much happier than I ever was before.

    My first husband I married at 21, and was an arsehole. My parents hated him, and so I was on a mission to rebel. My second husband was a control freak and a bully and we didn't even make 2 years before I bolted.

    I met Chris, my new husband 2 weeks after I told the second that I wanted a divorce when he sold me a car. We fancied each other straight away and the rest is history image
  • tinainwidtinainwid Posts: 277
    Third time for me too.

    I married just after my 18th birthday, so far to young to know what I was doing, stuck with it for 12 years even though i knew after the wedding day i,d made a huge mistake.

    Wedding 2 met and married him within 3 months.. thought he was the one until we married and he showed his true colours on our honeymoon.. total fruitcake another wasted 10 miserable years there.

    wedding 3 in october 2012.. This time I,ve taken my time and know him inside out.. I love him very much and cant wait to say "I Do" this time I know its for keeps and my mum says the same, this time it feels like a real wedding and I couldnt agree more.

    So dont be embarrased, hold your head up high, and have your wedding to your man just how youve always wanted it.
  • Kchristie3Kchristie3 Posts: 248
    This will be my 2nd time and I know this is for keeps . I married my first husband at 24 after been with him since I was 21 and very immature . I certainly wouldn't ever marry again unless we got on 100% and I happy to say after 3 years of been together we ave never argued or even raised our voices to each other !
  • bellingtonbellington Posts: 1,662
    I am more excited this time. Its like i am a teenager again but in a older body, image H2b is being so good, bless him. x image
  • I am divorced and getting married again on October 6th. I wanted to marry in church but the local c of e church vicar still hasnt made her decission if we can marry in her church ( 9 weeks weve waited) so tried our local United Reformed Church.

    They were not judgemental at all they said yes to marrying us at the initial meeting we have been asked to go to marriage preparation classes its a small price to pay to get teh church wedding i want.

    Dont think of this as your third wedding just think of it as your LAST one the one that will work out. I hope this helps more than anything enjoy your day !
  • I Know how you feel, and yes, you do feel sometimes the need to justify our past mistakes. 1st too young at 19, second lasted 18 years.....of misery. I have now been with my Fianc???? for 6 years, and he and I are not perect...no one is...But I have never been so happy as I am now, and I feel that at long last I am living a wonderful life. Its the third marriage for both of us, but I think 6 years of happiness already, just about says it all!!

    LouLou ximage
  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    OMG I am so glad I found this thread! It's third time lucky for me!!!!! and I am having issues at the moment with it..... I originally got married at 20 after falling pregnant with my daughter (not planned) and our parents pushing us into a shot gun wedding and going along with it as it was the 'right' thing to do. We had been together since 15 and after we married everything changed and I left 4 months after much to the disgust of my family! They came round after a few months. I met my second husband and was so desperate to be love that I now realise for our whole marriage I bought his love and he bled me dry we had two daughters together and then he had an affair with someone from work and I forgave him and then a month after I took us on a £5k holiday to the dominican he left me again. That was two years ago....I was single for about 4 months and then bumped into my now partner who I knew when I was about 8 and over the next month or so we went out on a few dates etc and I am completely in love with the guy!!! I am totally myself he is so loving towards me and is everything I have ever wanted from a relationship. I am currently waiting for my absolute and he has asked me to marry him but I will not wear a ring until my divorce is finialised. We have already set a date but I am scared what people will think I've already kind of dropped it into conversation with my sister in law and mum and they were not good outcomes....sister in law thinks we should go away to get married and mum said dont do it again maybe your just not meant to be married!!!! H2B says sod everyone I may have been married before but I've never been married to him before!! (He's never been married before) xx

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    I can really identify with this thread and the posters on it as I am eek, planning my 4th (and very much final!) wedding. Of course, nobody goes into life and a marriage thinking oh yes, I will never be married again but things happen.

    My 3rd marriage was a complete mistake, the warning signs were all there but I took no notice. He had not been married before but for his sake, I decided to go ahead with the big wedding in this country (I wanted to get married abroad) and it was a circus and I hated it.

    It is up to you both as to what kind of day you BOTH want, don't be railroaded into what other people think you should do!

    This time round, I am not bothered so much as to what people think as it is what we want. He is just waiting for his absolute to come through so he has been married before and he says the past doesn't matter to him and that I have been married 3 times, what matters is the present and the future.

    It is likely that we will sneak off abroad to get married and have a party when we get back to celebrate. x

     

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    Hi KK12 that is deffo true the present and future is what is important. I would have liked to go abroad and get married but as my partner hasnt been married before and he says none of his family will go we have decided to have a small wedding here x

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Hi MrsA2b... we are looking at several options but the favourite is definitely to have a very small and intimate wedding and then a party when we are married. If people don't agree with things then that is their issue and not yours.Your happiness and that of your partner's should come first. I am great mates with my first husband as it happens and we have always looked out for each other which is lovely but there is no romantic notions between us. It would have been lovely to stay married to him but it wasn't meant to be. x

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    My h2b is off to my parents this week to ask for their blessing but really it doesnt matter as we are getting married either way. We've bought the save the dates now image x

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Ooh your plans are well and truly cooking then! We are discussing engagement rings at the moment but we actually already feel engaged without a ring. We are off to Venice for 3 nights in December so I am not sure if an actual proposal will take place there! image I mean he's already asked me several times and I have said yes several times lol! x

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    I havent got my ring yet either. You will have to let me know what Venice is like I quite fancy Venice and Rome for honeymoon. We are taking the kids to disneyland paris for new year so I am wondering if he will ask there x

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Oohh! Well I have been to both Venice and Rome already and both are beautiful places to go to and you could in theory do both for a honeymoon! I will give a report on Venice! xx

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357
    Cool image I was thinking 4 days in one and 3 in the other which way round would you recommend? xx
  • I'm so glad I've found this thread! This will be my third time too, I was married for 25 years from the age of 19 to my first husband with whom I had four amazing children, but he was always fonder of alcohol than me....long story. Was blissfully happy with my second hubby,we were married for five wonderful years but he was tragically killed in 2009 in a motorbike accident in which I was injured as I was riding pillion when it happened. I never thought I would ever find love and laughter again but a few months later I met a wonderful guy through friends who had lost his brother in a motorbike accident, we bonded from the word go and have just booked our wedding for next November. We encountered opposition to our relationship initially from some family members who felt I'd moved on too soon which was disappointing as all I had done wrong was to fall in love again, it wasn't planned, I'd never forget my husband and the memories we shared, but life is not a rehearsal and if nothing else the accident had shown me how bloody fragile happiness is... I've also had breast cancer (thankfully five years later am still ok) so have a very positive "live for now" attitude. I have also had some issues with people thinking the whole marriage thing is unnecessary and wondering why we are bothering - he's been married before and divorced - but it is important to us.  I just wish everyone could just be happy for us, we are so good together and love each other to bits.

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    Hi Nikki and welcome!! Such a sad story about your second hubby image but very happy that you have found love again. My personal opinion is it doesnt matter if it is your 1st second of 5th marriage I would rather have loved numerous times than not loved at all. You had no control over what happened with your second hubby just like you couldn't help but fall in love. I say screw them!!! (if only I could listen to my own advice lol) Myself and KK12 will get excited with you image what date are you getting married in November? xx

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    I'm not having a good day!! I've been thinking of postponing the wedding for a year nit because we want to but because of what other people think image x

  • oh2bmrsjoh2bmrsj Posts: 569

    mrs a2b - sod what others think ! marriage is about you two not everyone else and if they cant be happy for you then thats their problem!

  • MrsA2B3MrsA2B3 Posts: 357

    oh2bmrj that is exactly what h2b says!! My family think it is too soon but we will have been together 3yrs when we get married. I just dont like upsetting the apple cart x

  • Thirdthing2Thirdthing2 Posts: 1,288

    It's hurtful when people aren't as excited as you.

    Three years is quite a long time.

    I wonder why they think it is too soon - maybe they don't want to see you hurt again?x

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